So apparently I am "hogging" the baby

[BooAvenue]

I have DS 7mo and DD5 and we are at MILs for Christmas.

MIL has just taken DH to one side and told him to ask me "not to hog the baby". I assume this is in reference to the fact I asked to have him back and took him upstairs quietly for a feed after she had held him virtually non stop since 8am. It's nice that she wants to be involved but she makes it into some sort of competition as to who can hang onto him the longest .

He's quite a fussy baby and when he starts grizzling I think he just wants a cuddle with his mum but I have to virtually wrestle him off her.

DH has already told her that I'm not "hogging the baby" I'm just being a mum in no uncertain terms but AIBU to ask him to tell her to back off?

Any tips for coping?

God I wish someone had taken my babies off me for a while when they were that age. I was dying for liberation but to no avail. Enjoy it while it lasts as they won't be queuing up to take a grubby 18th month old off you.

Christ on a bike, so according to Mumsnet, either people aren't paying the baby enough attention or it's too much. Perhaps the issue is that everyone is different and we sometimes have different opinions about things, including how long each person has been holding the baby, how much attention is too much attention (or not enough).

Do you remember all those smug things you used to say your kids would and wouldn't do before they were born or reached the age 'that' child was at? And now they do all of it and you realise that you were a bit of a knob?

When you are a MIL the same thing will happen. And you will realise that your knobbery is recorded for posterity on social media

If I ever become the kind of MIL who goes in a passive-aggressive huff about my DIL wanting to feed her own baby, I hereby give permission for future generations of MNers to take me down.

It is not enjoyable to have your tired child jiggled, over-excited, over-tired, freaked out, over-fed etc.. It is just not enjoyable to witness that or deal with the after-effects. People who say 'I wish I'd had that' haven't had to experience it and haven't thought it through.

You don't stop caring about your child's needs just because it's Christmas!

*Tell her he's your baby. You had to make him, you had to carry him for 9 months and you had to heave the bugger out of your poor vagina

If you want to cuddle your baby then do it. MiL can hug a cat or a cushion or something*

FFS - given that the majority of the female population of the world have managed to do the same it's a bit rich to think that dragging that out makes you more special for xome reason.

Yes MIL has probably not phrased it well and sounds like she has over exaggerated her lack of cuddling time, but the baby is 7 months old, not 7 hours old, it's not exactly a big deal to let other people spend some time with him.

Some of these comments are so strange. The op let the MIL hold the baby for hours, and asked for him back when he wanted a feed. The MIL complained! Not the OP!

So that is why the MIL is in the wrong, not for wanting to cuddle her grandchild, but for complaining that the OP feeding the baby was 'hogging' him.

I don't have an issue with the OPs point, SINBU. MIL however badly she phrased it is obviously excited at being able to have her grandchild. It's the posters who go on as if the OP should have the baby strapped to her and sod anyone who might like to build up a relationship with him that get on my tits.

Atomik, I really like your post, I think it sums up a lot of MIL-DIL relationships! I assume many Mils have good intentions and DILs who just don't want to get on, consciously or subconsciously.

What I find strange about the OP is that it is not the first grandchild, what was the Mil like with the OP's DD? Her behaviour does sound a bit much, but I think you can't blame her for wanting to cuddle her grandchild. Surely you can meet somewhere in the middle.

And to the pp who said MIL should get op a cup of tea while she has a nap with the baby, I hope you were joking.

Anyone who talked about my baby as an object to be passed around could fuck the fuck off.

Ridiculous to be defending such childish, possessive, bitchy behaviour from a grown woman.

That, and the ignoring of the less important female child, would make that the very last Christmas I spent with the poisonous old trout.

Plenty of women manage to have grandchildren and not turn into insane, raging, jealous harpies.

Scrumptious she was not like this with my DD, she liked having a cuddle for 15 mins or so but then would hand her back.