So apparently I am "hogging" the baby

[BooAvenue]

I have DS 7mo and DD5 and we are at MILs for Christmas.

MIL has just taken DH to one side and told him to ask me "not to hog the baby". I assume this is in reference to the fact I asked to have him back and took him upstairs quietly for a feed after she had held him virtually non stop since 8am. It's nice that she wants to be involved but she makes it into some sort of competition as to who can hang onto him the longest .

He's quite a fussy baby and when he starts grizzling I think he just wants a cuddle with his mum but I have to virtually wrestle him off her.

DH has already told her that I'm not "hogging the baby" I'm just being a mum in no uncertain terms but AIBU to ask him to tell her to back off?

Any tips for coping?

Mil isn't out of order wanting to hold baby, she is however totally out of order telling your dp to tell you not to hog your own child.
Flip the thread
"Aibu to tell dp to tell his mother not to hog my baby"
Pretty sure you'd be told you're unreasonable.
Plus sounds like mil has had plenty of snuggles and is perhaps a little needy.

Well boo do you actually tell your DH everything? Have you told him that you don't like his Mum much and have posted about her behaviour on Mumsnet?
His Mum loves your DH, like you love your DCs.

If he is a good bloke, and providing his DM isn't mentally ill, presumably he also loves his DM. You are posting something derogatory about someone who he loves.

I am my boys biggest fan, probably like your MIL . Wives may come and go but I will always be their Mother.

So, if you tell him everything, what does he think of your post and the replies on Mumsnet?

I like my DILs personally, but I thank God I have also got DDs.

Wives may come and go but I will always be there mother

I think therein lies the problem, unfortunately. My MIL seems to have this warped idea that as DHs mother, her needs trump mine and he will side with her over me at all times, this is not the case in our marriage, DH prioritises the needs of me and our children above all else, which I think is more than acceptable, I'd accept the same of my own DS if he marries.

It reminds me of the time we were at a formal works do where DH was being commended for the work he'd done on a military operation. His boss made a speech about how wonderful DH was and at the end made a comment about how he couldn't have done it without the support of his lovely wife. She hit the roof that she hadn't had a special mention and made snide remarks about it for about six months after.

their mother apologies!

If she hardly ever sees the baby can we maybe show a bit of empathy and give the MIL a break?

Have I missed something? When did op say she "doesn't like her mil much"
Also missed the point where she said dps mum is his biggest fan.

must be the alcohol

OP

I think you should tell your baby to stop hogging you, actually. Such naughty behaviour, tsk tsk.

OP mother in laws may come and
Go but he's your baby! do whatever you thinks best, you're his mum remember !

To be fair she does see him at least twice a month, but this is the worst she's been so far.

and I do hope if I'm lucky enough to have grandkids I can give my DIL a little bit of space and allow her to enjoy them at Christmas too.

But you won't know what will - or won't - please your future DIL, because you're not a mind-reader.

For all you know, your future DIL might want more hands-on help, and be constantly privately annoyed that you're not right there, ready to help all the time. And she'll think, 'when I'm a MIL, I really hope I'll blah, blah, blah...'

That's pretty much what it all boils down to - we DILs think we will do MILing so much better when it's our turn, but we're bound to do at least some stuff wrong, since all these annoying MILs were once DILs themselves, too.

Erm the MIL has held the baby since 8am, so she's had hours before the poor mite got grizzly and needed to be fed. From the breast of his mother, and funnily enough that means his grandmother must relinquish him for a short while. My MIL would never dream of 'having a word' with my DH because I dared to feed my DC. She likes them happy and fulfilled, because she loves them and stuff.
Maybe you should switch to FF OP, you simply can't carry on with this obscene hogging behaviour. I mean how long does a breast feed take these days? What a criminal

Ah so I'm screwed either way dowagercuntess - may as well be as difficult as possible then

Tell her that dd is learning that her brother gets the attention and is more important than her. That ought to make her think at least.

boo you are not a MIL and there lies the rub.
All of you non MIls replying to this thread, writing so confidently ( without any experience) about how you are going to be as MILs in the future. Mmmm I wish I could be so smugly confident.
Sorry, but you actually have no idea how you would react, as it hasn't happened to you, as yet.
I have listened to and heard from both sides.
If only relationships between MIL/ DILs were that easy.

Lol @ the ridiculous psycho babble that follows on these threads - grandmother wants to spend a long time cuddling her grandchild. What a bitch - clearly has issues.

Completely agree.

Meh, mil or not dictating how long a mother spends with her own baby (after holding him for hours) is insane as far as I'm concerned.
Will that suddenly change when I'm a mil? Seriously doubt it.

With the greatest respect, is your MIL on glue. HTF can you be hogging your own baby.

Bit baffled by all the "what's wrong with MIL wanting to hold the baby lots?" reploes. Wanting to hold the baby lots is fine; holding the baby for five hours, then complaining that the OP is "hogging the baby" after she took it back for a feed, is just barking.

YANBU, OP. Hang on in there!

My Mil is a step mother so hasn't actually had kids of her own. Dh discreetly explained that when my baby cried I would start leaking milk so it didn't actually help to jiggle him about when he just wanted a feed. They meant well but mum and babies needs come first!

Good grief! A breastfeeding mother is told she's being ridiculous for wanting to comfort her own baby? What the very fuck?

At 5 months the baby needs his mum. Yes, by all means le him go to other people to play when he's in a happy mood, but if he's fussy and grizzly then he needs his mum (and quite probably a feed, if only for comfort), not to be passed around like some sort of toy or trophy. There's all the time in the world for MIL etc to play with the baby when he's old enough to interact.

Breastfeeding mums of littlies need to be able to respond to their babies' needs quickly.

OP, this is a bit how my MIL started out, 10 years ago when I had our first DS.

My DH had to really have a go at her one day. She said she had "rights" and he said "No, this is our child, we say when you can and cannot see him"

And to be fair, she backed right down and stopped being so demanding. Because she was hectoring us on a daily basis with calls and demands to see him (1st 2 weeks after birth and she'd seen him twice already!)

She sounds like my MIL. She ignored the older kids each time there was a new baby .

She lost interest in all of them once they were big enough to protest at being clasped on her lap and went from almost daily visits to CBA.

Wives may come and go but I will always be their mother.

That's controlling bollocks.

Wives may come and go but I will always be their Mother.

Bloody hell, I hope my DS doesn't grow up to be the sort who has wives that come and go so easily.

God forbid that he does, I hope I don't sit back and watch and feel all smug that my relationship with him trumps his relationship with his wife/wives.

Is that how you feel about your own relationship? Your DP could come and go so your parents come first?

This has touched a nerve with me because this is how PILs behave, this is what they think of me. It's how they treated BIL's ex-fiance, and she did go, and sometimes I think she had the lucky escape. That poor woman never stood a chance against them because BIL is spineless when it comes to his parents, but almost 20 years later they are still slagging her off as the bitch who tried to come between them and their son.

It's this attitude from PILs that they come first no matter what that has lead to us going no contact with them, because they've tried their best to make sure I was one of DH's "wives that go" and they worked hard to split us up. They even said to my face they wished we would split up so they could have DH and DS without me.

They clearly feel they come before our DS too, because they would gladly see him suffer through our divorce rather than have him happy with us together, just for their own selfish gains.

It's a nasty way to think of your children's significant relationships, as something that can come and go with no ill effects to you. And a nasty way to treat your grandchild.

I hate all this nonsense about you only get one mother / your parents will always be your parents so they can do no wrong, and if they do then you just have to put up with it. Some people get terrible mothers and awful parents and this sort of attitude is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to people who feel they can guilt trip and bully their children into putting them first, above themselves, partners or children. It's horrible.

OP anyone who says you are hogging your own baby is nuts, and worse, she's making trouble where there is none. It's not like you are preventing her from holding him, you took him to feed him. Someone needs to have a kind but firm word with her to nip this in the bud before she spoils things for herself.

Wives may come and go but i'll always be their mother - as Catherine Tate would say, what a load of old shit. Controlling much haha? My mil would NEVER behave in this way, neither would my own mum.

You can't hog your own baby. I had this last night with my gran. She ran up to pull baby out of my arms when dd was too tired and I was trying to soothe her. I told her no as I was trying to soothe her to sleep. My gran doesn't seem to understand sometimes my baby needs sleep. I put her in her pram to sleep and my gran stands over her touching her face and shaking her hand to keep her awake. Same with my grandad on Xmas eve. Trying to rock baby to sleep and he kept grabbing her hands which kept her awake. Ignored me too when I told him to stop.