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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to a funeral while pg?

99 replies

DimlowChips · 13/12/2015 11:24

A dear friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago, and the funeral is in the next few days. My grandmother has found out about this and has, not had a go at me exactly, but put her feelings across very strongly that I shouldn't be going. She says that it is irresponsible of a pregnant woman to go to a funeral.

I'm 38 weeks, and have not had any complications in my pregnancy. The crematorium is the otherwise of the main road to the hospital I plan to give birth in so I'm taking notes and bags, just in case!

Is there something I'm missing here? Should I really not be going because of the stress? I'm going to be upset wether I'm there or at home as I know it's going on. Now I'm feeling confused as she clearly believes this is the right advice and intends no malice Confused

OP posts:
pretend · 13/12/2015 11:27

Does she cross herself at black cats and greet magpies?

It's just superstitious old-people nonsense.

SelfRaisingFlour · 13/12/2015 11:27

Of course you can go. Your grandmother is being ridiculous.

Eastpoint · 13/12/2015 11:27

I went to a funeral at around the same stage of pregnancy. Nothing happened and no one said anything to me.

Annarose2014 · 13/12/2015 11:27

That is one of the more batshit things I've ever heard about pregnancy, sorry!

I mean it's not like you're ill!

Oysterbabe · 13/12/2015 11:28

I don't understand why you wouldn't?

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 13/12/2015 11:28

It would never occur to me not to go. Yanbu.

Sorry for your loss Thanks

SummerNights1986 · 13/12/2015 11:29

It's probably a generational thing and I would ignore it.

Women didn't used to go to funerals full stop and not that long ago. Probably recent enough for your gran to remember. I've never read anything about pregnant women - but again, it's probably a 'not the done thing' feeling from your nan rather than anything else.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 13/12/2015 11:29

Is it because of superstition or is she worried you ll get upset?
Your friend died, it's a big deal isn't it? Go and say bye properly

Good luck with pregnancy!

iwantgin · 13/12/2015 11:29

What?

Ofcourse you should go.

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Thaisa · 13/12/2015 11:32

I was 37 or 38 weeks pregnant when my grannie died. There was no way on earth that I was going to miss going to her funeral, even though there was a fair amount of travelling involved.

Nobody raised any objections and, believe me, mine isn't a family in which people keep quiet if they don't agree with something. Grin

I have honestly never heard of anyone having a problem with this before.

neddle · 13/12/2015 11:32

Maybe she thinks it's direspectful as you're carrying a new life? Kind of, not ironic, can't quite articulate it, but upsetting for others to look at you with the opposite of dying iyswim?

madaboutmadmen · 13/12/2015 11:33

No not at all. I went to a freezing chapel, in the middle of the countryside, in November and stood around the grave too. I hadn't even met the person but they were a close relative of somebody that I do know. I wasn't as far along as you but really, why on earth should it stop you?!

rageagainsttheBIL · 13/12/2015 11:33

So what happens if, say, a parent of a pregnant women dies? My mum's dad died about 3 weeks before I was born...

Utter tosh.

notquitehuman · 13/12/2015 11:33

What? I've got a really superstitious gran but never heard this one. I think it's comforting when you're dealing with a death to know that life goes on.

Sorry to hear about your friend. I hope it all goes ok.

Floralnomad · 13/12/2015 11:34

What a load of rubbish , my neighbour ( at the time) was killed in a road crash just before Christmas and I went to the funeral which was Christmas Eve when I was 38 weeks , it would have been totally wrong to not attend .

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 13/12/2015 11:35

My grandmother died when I was pg with dc1. There was no way I wasn't going to that funeral.

In a way I think it was helpful to my mum that there was this new life to focus on. Felt like a positive thing. And it gave random relatives an easy subject for small talk.

Maryz · 13/12/2015 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMyMonkey · 13/12/2015 11:37

There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't. In fact, I think it would be wrong not to go to the funeral of a dear friend.

SpangleDragon · 13/12/2015 11:38

I went to my friends funeral, same age as me, suicide, i was 6 months or so, i wanted to go to and say goodbye, no one said it was wrong, and i didnt feel it was wrong

treaclesoda · 13/12/2015 11:40

I'd guess it's a generational thing. I remember an elderly relative insisting OT was a disgrace that one of my sister's attended a wedding when she was 8 months pregnant. Confused

Dumbledoresgirl · 13/12/2015 11:40

Not quite the same thing, but my grandma died when my 2 eldest were 22 months and 4 months old. I took them to the funeral (no choice) and they were actually a huge comfort to the bereaved. A sign that life goes on. Your bump will be the same, I should think.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/12/2015 11:41

You should go. I think you'll regret it in the future if you don't.

CoodleMoodle · 13/12/2015 11:43

My cousin died when I was about 36wks. There was no way I was missing his funeral.

My grandad died when I was 38wks. I wanted to go to the funeral but in the end I was in hospital with DD. I still regret it but there wasn't anything I could do.

Sorry for your loss OP.

CandlesAreBurning · 13/12/2015 11:46

Sorry for your loss OP, of course you should go and say goodbye, you'll regret it if you don't go

MrsFring · 13/12/2015 11:46

I went to my mum's (obviously) when I was 39 weeks.

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