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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to a funeral while pg?

99 replies

DimlowChips · 13/12/2015 11:24

A dear friend of mine passed away a few weeks ago, and the funeral is in the next few days. My grandmother has found out about this and has, not had a go at me exactly, but put her feelings across very strongly that I shouldn't be going. She says that it is irresponsible of a pregnant woman to go to a funeral.

I'm 38 weeks, and have not had any complications in my pregnancy. The crematorium is the otherwise of the main road to the hospital I plan to give birth in so I'm taking notes and bags, just in case!

Is there something I'm missing here? Should I really not be going because of the stress? I'm going to be upset wether I'm there or at home as I know it's going on. Now I'm feeling confused as she clearly believes this is the right advice and intends no malice Confused

OP posts:
AnotherTimeMaybe · 13/12/2015 11:49

MrsFring that's tough! Hope time healed!

Sparklycat · 13/12/2015 11:53

Errr what??

specialsubject · 13/12/2015 11:55

why not? Superstition has no place in 2015 if that's what it is.

I find a pregnant woman (or a baby) at a funeral to be a reminder that life does go on.

MrsFring · 13/12/2015 11:55

I don't mean I was inutero! I meant I was pregnant with her grandchild.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 13/12/2015 11:57

MrsFring yes of course, but if my mum died when I was about to deliver , I'd be all over the place, hence my comment!!

MrsFring · 13/12/2015 12:00

I know, thanks for your comment. It was pretty tough, especially as it was my first and I'm an only child. She missed out on so much, my mum.

MrsDeVere · 13/12/2015 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fidel1ne · 13/12/2015 12:02

Women didn't used to go to funerals full stop and not that long ago.

Where's that? Ireland?

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 13/12/2015 12:03

Just treat it as you would any other non-physical but potentially tiring event at 38 weeks. If you feel up to it, of course yanbu to go.

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 13/12/2015 12:05

I've never heard this either. Of course you should go if you want.

My condolences Thanks

APlaceOnTheCouch · 13/12/2015 12:07

DBIL and DH's best friend both died whilst I was pregnant and I went to both funerals. DH's family were a bit concerned about my attending just because it was a very emotional day but no-one suggested I shouldn't go. Being at home wouldn't have made it any easier.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 13/12/2015 12:08

I went to a family funeral at 39 weeks. I just stuck my hospital bag and notes in the boot of the car and didn't go into the cemetery. That's because it was pissing it down with rain and extremely slippery and steep, not for superstitious reasons.

Dp and I chose one of DS2s middle names in honour of the relative who had passed away.

Junosmum · 13/12/2015 12:13

I went to OHs grans funeral whilst pregnant, no one said anything, nothing happened. No way I was missing it.

mommy2ash · 13/12/2015 12:16

I'm irish and I've heard this superstition quite commonly. I would go not many people let superstitions rule their lives

Camarg0 · 13/12/2015 12:20

Three of my family members died whilst I was pregnant and I went to each of their funerals. Nothing untoward came of it!

Dipankrispaneven · 13/12/2015 12:21

It's just superstitious old-people nonsense.

Oh, ffs, do we really have to have this ageist nonsense? We don't even know if OP's granny is that old, and God knows stupid superstitions are in no way confined to old people.

And it certainly hasn't been the case within the last 100 years that women have been prevented from attending funerals as a matter of general custom.

Ohthepressure · 13/12/2015 12:24

Women didn't go to the graveside in Wales traditionally, although they'd been to the funeral service, and even attending the service was unusual in the early / mid 20th century.

museumum · 13/12/2015 12:27

Scottish islands funerals are or have been men only. Certainly the burial and certainly on Shetland very recently.

FairyFluffbum · 13/12/2015 12:33

I think it's the thing about being upset can hurt the baby.

No reason why you shouldn't go

LMonkey · 13/12/2015 12:36

So sorry for your loss.

I went to a funeral of a family friend when I must have been about 32 weeks. it wouldn't have occurred to me not to go for that reason, and if it had been a closer friend, which it sounds like yours is, that is even more reason to go and I'm sure you would regret it if you didn't. With respect, old people have very strange ideas about things, superstitious or not! That's something I have realised since having my kids. My OH's gran....the things she comes out with regarding looking after babies etc....wow!! They just don't realise how information and knowledge has changed in the last 50 years or whatever since they were doing it all. So I would just do what your instincts tell you to do and take anything your gran says with a pinch of salt!!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 13/12/2015 12:40

I took a 4-hour journey to go to, and do a reading at, a dear friend's funeral at 39 weeks. (Dd turned up 10 days overdue).

YANBU. Sorry for your loss.

SleepIsForTheWeakAnyway · 13/12/2015 12:40

I've never heard that one before.

Both of my grandmothers died whilst I was pg with dc2. I went to both funerals and carried gm1's coffin.

Sorry for your loss op. Flowers

NoonAim · 13/12/2015 12:42

Women didn't used to go to funerals full stop and not that long ago.

True in Scotland, in my family anyway. My mum and gran never attended funerals, even their own children's Sad

HappyIdiot · 13/12/2015 12:43

this thread has made me realise that I don't know whether my mum went to my gran's funeral or not.
my gran (my mum's mum) died 9 days before I was born. I am one of a set of twins, and we all stayed in hospital for a good few days after - I was in special care, mum had pph.
I don't know if they managed to arrange the funeral for beforehand or if they delayed it until mum was out of hospital or if she missed it. not a nice set of circumstances in any event.

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 13/12/2015 12:43

I didn't go to my friends daughters funeral as we had been due the same week and I just felt it would be too difficult, for her but also me; I was worried I would lose it and make a total arse of myself, because it felt so very close to home.

Other than that - go!!