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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the same pre school rules should apply to all parents.

80 replies

TeaBreak01 · 08/12/2015 16:25

I really hate that my dd preschool seem to operate different rules for different parents attending the same event. Today was dd nativity show, the rules were no younger sibblings allowed to attend and no photography. Dd's older sister has been in hospital unexpectedly for the last few days and was discharged just after lunch today, so I asked the lady in the office if dd could attend as was collecting her from hospital then going straight to nativity. Office lady said no and that they'd said no younger sibblings, pointed out dd was 9 and was capable of sitting nicely for half hour but they wouldn't budge. So i couldn't attend as had no where for dd1 to go on such short notice. When I collect younger dd the parents were leaving and one of the other mums that happens to be on the preschool committee was leaving with both a younger and older sibling. Oviously my dd was very upset that I didn't attend and came out in tears understandably. So I asked the office lady why the other parent was allowed to bring other children and she said Mrs so and so is on the parents committee so the sibling rule doesn't apply to her and maybe next time I should arrange appropriate child care. I found her attitude to be very unreasonable usually dd2 would of been at school so no child care needed her hospital stay was completely unplanned.

OP posts:
MascaraAndConverse89 · 08/12/2015 16:29

Yanbu.
Are parents on the "parents committee" royalty or something?

Original poster
TeaBreak01 · 08/12/2015 16:32

They're treat like they are, apparently they need 10 otherwise the preschool can't remain open.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 08/12/2015 16:32

I would go ballastic at this personally and be taking it further. Your circumstances are exceptional and should have been accommodated.

Enkopkaffetak · 08/12/2015 16:33

YANBU

TeddTess · 08/12/2015 16:35

kick up a fuss. don't let this go. i would be LIVID
YADNBU

messystressy · 08/12/2015 16:37

I also would be furious!!! YANBU.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 08/12/2015 16:41

But your 9yr old dd is an older sibling?

PerspicaciaTick · 08/12/2015 16:42

I think you made the mistake of asking. I find that the people who swan in like they know the rules are not their concern generally get away with it. The people who think about the rules, worry and try to do the right thing generally don't get away with it.

SignoraStronza · 08/12/2015 16:42

I would be really upset at this but really, why on earth did you ask? If there is even the slightest possibility of a 'no' I wouldn't give the opportunity to say so.

Case in point, dd's dance show. Theatre hired for the occasion, so not something open to the general public really. Looked at the small print on the website where it stated 'no under twos'. I took my five week old bf baby in a sling, who remained asleep for the duration. If I'd asked, the answer may have been no, which would have put us in a right pickle.

Anotherusername1 · 08/12/2015 16:44

You should have just taken her in. They would not have manhandled you/her out again and the "lady in the office" doesn't have authority to make those sorts of decisions anyway.

YANBU and I would definitely take it further. Clearly exceptional circumstances.

FellOffMyUnicorn · 08/12/2015 16:45

" is on the parents committee so the sibling rule doesn't apply to her and maybe next time I should arrange appropriate child care"

thats bloody ridiculous! wankers

BeeePeee · 08/12/2015 16:46

I would be livid. The office lady was so rude to chastise you for not arranging 'appropriate childcare' when you dd has just come out of hospital. Please take this further, people like her should not be allowed to make life more miserable for others.

Lauren15 · 08/12/2015 16:47

That's awful. You should make a complaint in writing. Next time don't ask. Just walk right in.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 08/12/2015 16:50

So I asked the office lady why the other parent was allowed to bring other children and she said Mrs so and so is on the parents committee so the sibling rule doesn't apply to her and maybe next time I should arrange appropriate child care.

Op I cannot imagine a rational person saying all this crap ^ its beyond pathetic.

I would take this further because the person you dealt with sounds so obtuse, that they perhaps shouldn't be in such a role!

Its bonkers.

I would have asked someone else because this lady is not understanding your words when you speak.

Find suitable childcare - no one who is listening to you - would utter such a bizarre remark when your dd has come out of hospital.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 08/12/2015 16:51

and op, I am really sorry you missed the play, its so precious at this age, so precious....I have older dc and its not the same Sad.this lady robbed you of this, kick up a suitable stink.

You need a full apology, you cant get that back again.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2015 16:52

Did she really say that??

I'm finding that difficult to believe.

When I read the first part of your post, I was thinking it was because she didn't have a ticket.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/12/2015 16:55

Ynbu. I'd be fucking nuclear. One rule for the brown nosers and one for everyone else. Absolutely the same rules should apply to everyone.
And her the cheeky cunt telling you to arrange appropriate child care. WTF is she. Definitely complain.
It's no wonder with all this favouritism going on and masking silk out of some and cotton out of other DCs and families that parents get bitter.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 08/12/2015 16:56

By all means complain if they are having different rules for different parents. We don't allow any babies or children to attend our actual Christmas shows although many people do still try and bring them. They're turned away if this is the case. I stand on the doors myself. Siblings and other children can attend the dress rehearsal though, so they can see the show.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2015 16:57

Can you remember the exact words she used?

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2015 17:00

She genuinely said that? Confused

I would have kicked up merry hell.

Hygellig · 08/12/2015 17:06

That's extremely unfair to make exceptions for some parents. Their children could be noisy and disturb the performance just as much as any other child. They should definitely have let your daughter in.

BondJayneBond · 08/12/2015 17:09

YANBU, being on the parents committee shouldn't put someone above the rules.

How come the preschool would close without them btw? I don't understand that.

Enjolrass · 08/12/2015 17:10

Was it you who posted about them having a go at mil when she picked her up?

cestlavielife · 08/12/2015 17:13

next time dont ask just turn with dd and if anyone asks say you have just picked her up from hospital.

it depends how much you want to rock the boat with the parent committee/the office person etc.

..but next time there are rules announced for a show or party etc, ask in writing for confirmation it applies to all parents...

BrokenVag · 08/12/2015 17:15

If the preschool is a charity, it may well be in their constitution that they need x number of members or indeed they can't open. I'm chair of the PTA and this week will be at school for about 60 hours as a result for the various xmas shows. Frankly there need to be some small perks to get people to get involved like my front row seats for DD's show this morning. Why not join the committee if those perks are something you want?

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