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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the same pre school rules should apply to all parents.

80 replies

TeaBreak01 · 08/12/2015 16:25

I really hate that my dd preschool seem to operate different rules for different parents attending the same event. Today was dd nativity show, the rules were no younger sibblings allowed to attend and no photography. Dd's older sister has been in hospital unexpectedly for the last few days and was discharged just after lunch today, so I asked the lady in the office if dd could attend as was collecting her from hospital then going straight to nativity. Office lady said no and that they'd said no younger sibblings, pointed out dd was 9 and was capable of sitting nicely for half hour but they wouldn't budge. So i couldn't attend as had no where for dd1 to go on such short notice. When I collect younger dd the parents were leaving and one of the other mums that happens to be on the preschool committee was leaving with both a younger and older sibling. Oviously my dd was very upset that I didn't attend and came out in tears understandably. So I asked the office lady why the other parent was allowed to bring other children and she said Mrs so and so is on the parents committee so the sibling rule doesn't apply to her and maybe next time I should arrange appropriate child care. I found her attitude to be very unreasonable usually dd2 would of been at school so no child care needed her hospital stay was completely unplanned.

OP posts:
Domino777 · 08/12/2015 19:48

Write a complaint to the chair of the committee and the lead carer

lougle · 08/12/2015 19:50

I don't think volunteering as a coach should 'buy' participation in matches. Either freely give or don't give at all.

I'm chair of governors at a my DD1's school. The perks it gives me or her? Zero, zilch, nada. As it should be.

Freely give or don't give at all.

Senpai · 08/12/2015 19:51

Why shouldn't the parents that break their backs keep the place open/running get a bit more than those that sit back and watch them?

Because their screaming hump trophy is just as obnoxious as anyone else's. That's why.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 08/12/2015 19:53

Thanks to all who volunteer without expecting rewards x

M48294Y · 08/12/2015 19:56

I can't get a handle on what sort of pre-school this is. Is it within the state system? Are the staff paid? What age group does it cater for? If all the performers are under 5 then I can't imagine a handful of babies being present is going to ruin everything!

Original poster
TeaBreak01 · 08/12/2015 20:02

m48294y It's just a normal pre school although it's quite small, they cater for children aged 2 to school age. The 2 year old section is only for funded children. The staff do get paid by the preschool which is a registered charity.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/12/2015 20:17

summernights the other parents are right. It is completely unacceptable that coaches' kids get picked over other children who have shown the same level of commitment. What their parents have done is irrelevant.

OP you should definitely complain.

Tamponlady · 08/12/2015 20:22

Ask for forgiveness never permission
You should of just took her along

GabiSolis · 08/12/2015 20:26

I definitely disagree with the volunteer therefore get perks perspective. That is not volunteering really.

I run a brownie group and I had a parent complain to me that I was taking two certain girls on each residential trip we had and this wasn't fair because the other brownies only got to go on every other one (large pack, not enough spaces for all to attend each camp). I had to point out to her that the two girls who always got to go were my teenage unit helpers and if she wanted her DD to go in their place then the camp wouldn't happen at all!

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2015 00:23

My dp is a football coach. Fortunately, DS has another commitment which means he probably misses more matches than any other member of the team so dp doesn't have to make any dificult decisions- and DS is used to knowing he will never,ever get any of the awards at presentation evening.

But I bet none of you really realise how much time goes into running the clubs your children go to.

LaLyra · 09/12/2015 00:42

I would complain in your shoes. Your situation wasn't a normal childcare issue. It was a one off in special circumstances and should have been considered.

Sometimes volunteers children do get extras and it can't be helped. Before I was involved in the after school care I used to be one of a group of volunteers who ran a couple of after school clubs. We were over subscribed so there was a waiting list and rota for the kids. People complained that my twin DDs always got spaces, but I was a single parent with no childcare help at that point. I certainly wasn't going to pay childcare to put on a free activity for other people. Another one of the helpers had the same groans over her Ds and when she got fed up of the complaints and quit we had to fold as no-one else would give up an hour a week and we needed a set number of adults, which meant none of the kids got to do the activity.

Fuckitfay · 09/12/2015 03:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hufflebottom · 09/12/2015 04:32

YANBU, go in and complain. Just because the other mum is on the parent committee does not entitle her to different rights and privileges to the other parents.

Yours was an exception. Plus she was older sibling and I doubt any other parents would of said anything.

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/12/2015 15:10

SignoraStronza
and if your five week old baby had been awake, that would have been lovely for everyone.
Of course you would have taken her out. The hell you would!

DisappointedOne · 09/12/2015 16:54

It's teaching children that nepotism and who you know and being privileged is more important than talent and hard work. Not a great life lesson.

Whilst I agree, it usually is "who you know" not "what you know".

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2015 17:14

Teaching children that nepotism is ok is not good.

Neither is teaching them that it's OK to dispise the people who give up their time to make things happen for them, and that "volunteer" is the same as "brown nose". Which, incidentally, is a disgusting phrase I have only ever heard being used by people who gossip about others and make up. all sorts of rumours about the "special privileges" the members of the PTA get.

HSMMaCM · 09/12/2015 17:29

Our local pre school closed because there weren't enough parents for the committee. They tried all kinds of incentives to get people to be on the committee, so they could stay open. Maybe your pre school is having the same problems getting committee members, so they offer incentives to them? Charity run pre schools have to have an independent committee.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2015 17:32

There just aren't enough do gooding brown noses to go round, are there?

Nibledbyducks · 09/12/2015 18:07

I volunteer for two youth organisations and am completly against my children getting any prefferential treatment! why on earth would it be OK to have an unfair system becasue of my choice?, it makes me really angry when people think it's acceptable.

Some parents can't volunterer so why on earth should their children suffer?, absolutley unacceptable, if you choose to volunteer you do it beacuse you want to, and because you want to help everyone equally. Nepotism really really pisses me off Angry

Domino777 · 09/12/2015 18:47

I volunteer for lots of preschool and school things. I like to help and only expect a cuppa/coffee/biscuit to keep me going while I'm manning anything. I wouldn't expect front seats.

Devora · 09/12/2015 19:07

The only perk I'm aware volunteers get at our school is that those who help put on the christmas play get to reserve front row seats. I think this is fine - it's a little way of saying thank you. I'm also not bothered when it recognises the childcare issues that come with volunteering - like taking your teenagers on brownie camps.

I think it's not ok when it comes to disadvantaging children, though - like the OP's dd, or the children who aren't getting football matches because first dibs go to the coach's kids.

ForalltheSaints · 09/12/2015 19:32

If someone has been in hospital, it is a reasonable adjustment in law to make an exception on the grounds of caring responsibilities. Hint that the school is being discriminatory and they may back down in future.

Lauren15 · 09/12/2015 19:50

My ds's rugby team was run by 4 dads who continually blatantly favoured their own kids. It's coming to bite them in the arse as this season kids have voted with their feet against this and the team is falling apart.

BertrandRussell · 09/12/2015 20:28

As a volunteer and the partner of a volunteer, please can I put in an appeal? When you come to pick up your child, instead of waiting in your car, could you every now and again come in and see if there's anything you can do to help? Not every week- just sometimes. To take two random examples- it can take an hour to set up for football or for Scouts- and the same to put away afterwards. And a few extra hands (not the same few who do it every week) would be lovely!

Fuckitfay · 09/12/2015 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.