To think that the same pre school rules should apply to all parents.

[TeaBreak01]

I really hate that my dd preschool seem to operate different rules for different parents attending the same event. Today was dd nativity show, the rules were no younger sibblings allowed to attend and no photography. Dd's older sister has been in hospital unexpectedly for the last few days and was discharged just after lunch today, so I asked the lady in the office if dd could attend as was collecting her from hospital then going straight to nativity. Office lady said no and that they'd said no younger sibblings, pointed out dd was 9 and was capable of sitting nicely for half hour but they wouldn't budge. So i couldn't attend as had no where for dd1 to go on such short notice. When I collect younger dd the parents were leaving and one of the other mums that happens to be on the preschool committee was leaving with both a younger and older sibling. Oviously my dd was very upset that I didn't attend and came out in tears understandably. So I asked the office lady why the other parent was allowed to bring other children and she said Mrs so and so is on the parents committee so the sibling rule doesn't apply to her and maybe next time I should arrange appropriate child care. I found her attitude to be very unreasonable usually dd2 would of been at school so no child care needed her hospital stay was completely unplanned.

[MammaTJ]

I am stamping my feet and having a tantrum on your behalf!

I think though that your mistake was in asking, rather than assuming! You should have strolled right in, as it only mentioned younger sibs were not allowed!

[fastdaytears]

YANBU. Nor are coaches who give their kids a match every week so they can actually see them during their weekend...

The child could be there supporting his or her team and see as much of the parent as if he or she was allowed an extra game.

[fastdaytears]

summernights the other parents are right. It is completely unacceptable that coaches' kids get picked over other children who have shown the same level of commitment. What their parents have done is irrelevant.

This 100%

I'm really shocked that anyone would accept the rules being bent for their child. Most parents volunteers I know go out of their way to make sure there is no favouritism at all, or the appearance of it.

Having your own child attend for childcare reasons is different, and saving spaces at the Christmas show is sensible because if you're blu-taking tinsel up then you'll miss the good seats.

But letting your kid play twice as many matches? There's no logic to that and I'm amazed it's allowed.

[SoupDragon]

You can't say that the preschool shouldn't discriminate against non-volunteers and yet think it's fine for coaches to do the same.

[MillionToOneChances]

YANBU. Nor are coaches who give their kids a match every week so they can actually see them during their weekend...

[BertrandRussell]

As a volunteer and the partner of a volunteer, please can I put in an appeal? When you come to pick up your child, instead of waiting in your car, could you every now and again come in and see if there's anything you can do to help? Not every week- just sometimes. To take two random examples- it can take an hour to set up for football or for Scouts- and the same to put away afterwards. And a few extra hands (not the same few who do it every week) would be lovely!

[Lauren15]

My ds's rugby team was run by 4 dads who continually blatantly favoured their own kids. It's coming to bite them in the arse as this season kids have voted with their feet against this and the team is falling apart.

[ForalltheSaints]

If someone has been in hospital, it is a reasonable adjustment in law to make an exception on the grounds of caring responsibilities. Hint that the school is being discriminatory and they may back down in future.

[Devora]

The only perk I'm aware volunteers get at our school is that those who help put on the christmas play get to reserve front row seats. I think this is fine - it's a little way of saying thank you. I'm also not bothered when it recognises the childcare issues that come with volunteering - like taking your teenagers on brownie camps.

I think it's not ok when it comes to disadvantaging children, though - like the OP's dd, or the children who aren't getting football matches because first dibs go to the coach's kids.

[Domino777]

I volunteer for lots of preschool and school things. I like to help and only expect a cuppa/coffee/biscuit to keep me going while I'm manning anything. I wouldn't expect front seats.

[Nibledbyducks]

I volunteer for two youth organisations and am completly against my children getting any prefferential treatment! why on earth would it be OK to have an unfair system becasue of my choice?, it makes me really angry when people think it's acceptable.

Some parents can't volunterer so why on earth should their children suffer?, absolutley unacceptable, if you choose to volunteer you do it beacuse you want to, and because you want to help everyone equally. Nepotism really really pisses me off

[BertrandRussell]

There just aren't enough do gooding brown noses to go round, are there?

[HSMMaCM]

Our local pre school closed because there weren't enough parents for the committee. They tried all kinds of incentives to get people to be on the committee, so they could stay open. Maybe your pre school is having the same problems getting committee members, so they offer incentives to them? Charity run pre schools have to have an independent committee.

[BertrandRussell]

Teaching children that nepotism is ok is not good.

Neither is teaching them that it's OK to dispise the people who give up their time to make things happen for them, and that "volunteer" is the same as "brown nose". Which, incidentally, is a disgusting phrase I have only ever heard being used by people who gossip about others and make up. all sorts of rumours about the "special privileges" the members of the PTA get.

[DisappointedOne]

It's teaching children that nepotism and who you know and being privileged is more important than talent and hard work. Not a great life lesson.

Whilst I agree, it usually is "who you know" not "what you know".

[GoblinLittleOwl]

SignoraStronza
and if your five week old baby had been awake, that would have been lovely for everyone.
Of course you would have taken her out. The hell you would!

[hufflebottom]

YANBU, go in and complain. Just because the other mum is on the parent committee does not entitle her to different rights and privileges to the other parents.


Yours was an exception. Plus she was older sibling and I doubt any other parents would of said anything.

[LaLyra]

I would complain in your shoes. Your situation wasn't a normal childcare issue. It was a one off in special circumstances and should have been considered.

Sometimes volunteers children do get extras and it can't be helped. Before I was involved in the after school care I used to be one of a group of volunteers who ran a couple of after school clubs. We were over subscribed so there was a waiting list and rota for the kids. People complained that my twin DDs always got spaces, but I was a single parent with no childcare help at that point. I certainly wasn't going to pay childcare to put on a free activity for other people. Another one of the helpers had the same groans over her Ds and when she got fed up of the complaints and quit we had to fold as no-one else would give up an hour a week and we needed a set number of adults, which meant none of the kids got to do the activity.

[BertrandRussell]

My dp is a football coach. Fortunately, DS has another commitment which means he probably misses more matches than any other member of the team so dp doesn't have to make any dificult decisions- and DS is used to knowing he will never,ever get any of the awards at presentation evening.

But I bet none of you really realise how much time goes into running the clubs your children go to.

[GabiSolis]

I definitely disagree with the volunteer therefore get perks perspective. That is not volunteering really.

I run a brownie group and I had a parent complain to me that I was taking two certain girls on each residential trip we had and this wasn't fair because the other brownies only got to go on every other one (large pack, not enough spaces for all to attend each camp). I had to point out to her that the two girls who always got to go were my teenage unit helpers and if she wanted her DD to go in their place then the camp wouldn't happen at all!

[Tamponlady]

Ask for forgiveness never permission
You should of just took her along

[SoupDragon]

summernights the other parents are right. It is completely unacceptable that coaches' kids get picked over other children who have shown the same level of commitment. What their parents have done is irrelevant.

OP you should definitely complain.

[TeaBreak01]

m48294y It's just a normal pre school although it's quite small, they cater for children aged 2 to school age. The 2 year old section is only for funded children. The staff do get paid by the preschool which is a registered charity.