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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think partners coming to Office Christmas outing doesn't really work

100 replies

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 10:51

We're having Christmas drinks and finger food in a pub near our workplace next Friday. Now, a few people have suggested that everyone brings their partner. Views are split here but some of us feel that it will take away from the relaxed informal feel of the night and change the dynamic. Personally I want to relax and let my hair down with colleagues I know well, not have to make small talk with their partners, make sure they're included in the conversation etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 07/12/2015 10:54

Do you not have a partner then?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/12/2015 10:54

I tend to agree with you, YANBU.

I was never in a position to say this though, as I worked with Dh. But it definitely can change the dynamics.

Original poster
Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 10:57

What's that got to do with it Alice? Even if I bring my partner I will still end up having to make small talk with other people I don't know.
And I would say about a third of the staff don't have a partner, while others have partners who just won't want to go.

OP posts:
Preciousxbane · 07/12/2015 10:57

YANBU but DH and I met at work so did have a couple of Christmas parties together. My first clear memory of him was singing karaoke drunk with my friend, a duet of Islands in the stream.

Enjolrass · 07/12/2015 10:57

I agree.

I never took dh to works parties. He doesn't know anyone, I can't mingle as much as he is very shy and doesn't just chat to people.

I feel torn between chatting to my work mates and not wanting to leave dh out.

He is lovely just finds talking to people he doesn't know quite hard.

We had a Christmas party this week for a hobby that me and both kids do. It was awful. Kids were playing, I was chatting to people but wary I wasn't leaving dh out. Really awkward.

I don't go to his either.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2015 10:57

Wouldn't bother me either way to be honest.

I doubt everyone would bring a partner anyway.

BondJayneBond · 07/12/2015 11:00

I agree, it does change the dynamics. Having had experience of both, I prefer the ones where partners aren't invited as a general rule.

HeadDreamer · 07/12/2015 11:01

It wouldn't bother me either. But DH is an introvert and won't go anyway. I have no problem talking to colleagues' partners.

LetGoOrBeDragged · 07/12/2015 11:03

I hate the concept of work socialising anyway. Colleagues are not friends and I don't like the mixing of the two. You can't really relax at work parties because you still have to maintain a professional appearance, but the point of parties is to have fun! The two don't mix imo.

I am having to go to dh's work do. It is an overnighter and partners are expected. I don't know anyone and won't see them again until the next years Christmas do, if at all. I can't see the point tbh. So yanbu from me.

DoorToTheRiver · 07/12/2015 11:08

Miles prefer work functions without partners. Totally different atmosphere and nowhere near as relaxed with partners there.

KakiFruit · 07/12/2015 11:21

Enjolrass my husband is just the same. He didn't learn English until he was in his early 20s which, combined with a natural shyness, makes socialising with strangers quite difficult. I wish partners weren't invited to our Christmas party!

Bunbaker · 07/12/2015 11:22

OH wouldn't go as he hates making small talk with people he doesn't know. It means that I can't really talk to other people as he would just be sitting on his own. I have taken him to a couple of formal work dos, but after the second one he begged me not to invite him to any more.

Dipankrispaneven · 07/12/2015 11:28

I would rather stick pins in my eyes than spend an evening socialising with DP's colleagues, and I suspect he feels the same about mine. They're all perfectly pleasant but spending an evening with people you don't know and have little in common with is never going to be exciting.

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 11:30

I don't like going to them but dh won't go unless I go and it's expected that he goes. Thankfully I know a couple of the people who work there or the partners already.

It's a though one though as you will get the staff who won't attend an evening party without their partners as lets face it, it's not work time and most people want to enjoy their lives away from work.

If employees only I think it should happen in work time then there is no reason for partners at all so say take a 2 hour lunch break for lunch provided by the company.

SevenOfNineTrue · 07/12/2015 11:30

I agree. It is often a bit uncomfortable for all concerned.

Yokohamajojo · 07/12/2015 11:31

Totally agree! I have been with DH and colleagues who are nice but we are in different sectors and it is a lot of work talk and talk like 'do you remember Phil in Finance bla bla bla'

I very rarely socialise with my colleagues due to working part time but when I do I wouldn't want my DP there

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/12/2015 11:32

Hell no.

When I worked, the senior team used to have an overnight stay in a hotel, with partners. I was the only female. So the blokes all brought along their wives, and I had to drag DH along. It was frankly frightful.

Much better when the whole team went out and we could have a raucous night without being encumbered by partners.

SevenSeconds · 07/12/2015 11:33

I can see the advantages of both. My current workplace is staff only, but my old company used to have both (a Christmas do which was staff only and a summer do to which partners were invited) and I thought that was a nice compromise.

LyndaNotLinda · 07/12/2015 11:33

Urgh no - works nights out are for colleagues only. Dead boring for anyone else

Itscliffmas · 07/12/2015 11:33

100% agree with you op. This year we've had to deal with the assumption that one of the team can bring her 12 year old DD. Errrr NO!

LetGoOrBeDragged · 07/12/2015 11:33

It would be lovely if dh's work do was a long lunch during work hours, instead of at the weekend. Dh spends enough bloody time at work - weekends are mine Grin

WeAllHaveWings · 07/12/2015 11:35

YANBU for all reasons stated above.

There is no way I'd go to dh's nights out as he'd feel he had to stay around me instead of having fun with his colleagues. I wouldn't want dh at mines either for the same reason.

If your not close enough with your colleagues to enjoy a night out with them alone, either go and get to know them better, or if you don't want to know them better stay at home.

mumblechum1 · 07/12/2015 11:35

I hate the concept of work socialising anyway. Colleagues are not friends

Mine are. I've always been good friends with work colleagues, and have been working in various companies for almost 40 years. Obvs some closer than others (and there's always one I don't like so just ignore).

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 11:38

wellall

My dh doesn't really get the option to stay at home his senior management, he avoids 99% of the other outside of work things unless its management meetings over meals but the Christmas party seems to be the one area even I'm expected by his work to attend. His work even know I won't eat the food on the menu and it's been said that we can just sit there while everyone eats Hmm

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/12/2015 11:39

Yoko re talking about Phil in Finance just reminded me of a works party where partners were invited and I was standing with a group of work friends and their partners when one lovely guy's quite difficult girlfriend told us to stop talking about anything work related as it was rude to others not involved. And when the converstion inevitably turned to something work related at some point she slowly and deliberately turned around so her back was to us all and folded her arms! Grin. It made things a little uncomfortable.