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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think partners coming to Office Christmas outing doesn't really work

100 replies

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 10:51

We're having Christmas drinks and finger food in a pub near our workplace next Friday. Now, a few people have suggested that everyone brings their partner. Views are split here but some of us feel that it will take away from the relaxed informal feel of the night and change the dynamic. Personally I want to relax and let my hair down with colleagues I know well, not have to make small talk with their partners, make sure they're included in the conversation etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:

maras2 · 07/12/2015 13:01

DH and I have been happily married for over 40 years simply because ,after the first dreadful work do ,I never went again ,neither did he go to mine. Horses for courses

Original poster

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 13:05

An email went around about half an hour ago saying that, due to a majority view, the Christmas drinks will be staff only.

A few people are muttering that it's a pub and they can bring their partners if they want to. Others have pointed out that yes, but the pub has agreed to reserve a special area for us, and Management are paying for finger food.

This could get nasty

OP posts:

reni2 · 07/12/2015 13:10

Just wait for the accusations of the wannabe adulterers winning to come flooding in...

angelos02 · 07/12/2015 14:22

YANBU. I can't understand why someone would want to go to someone elses' works do anyway. I only go to my own because it is expected of me.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 07/12/2015 14:34

Nurses' Xmas parties are good fun. The conversation revolves round things found in body cavities, they drink like fish and at some point one of the men will hang things off his latest piercing.

Original poster

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 15:20

Now a couple of people are refusing to go because their partners can't come .

Honestly, what is wrong with some people?

OP posts:

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 16:05

Some people just don't want to socialise with work members and want their partners there to be able to avoid talking to others but while still being able to show their face.

Someone will always be unhappy those who don't want partners or those who do, it depends which members voices are more important to the boss to which ends up happening.

However you do get the domino effect once one person says they will not now attend due to partners being banned others who wouldn't of said anything will now feel able to come out and say they feel the same.

Nobody is wrong it's just personal preference.

Shodan · 07/12/2015 16:14

I organise a Christmas party for the group I do a hobby with. Some people bring partners, and that's fine- they're sociable and chatty and they've become my friends.

I've invited DH three times-once to a formal dinner-dance style thing, and twice to a more informal meal/disco/general party thing. The first was ok, although DH spent his entire time on the dance floor being flirted with (and claiming he 'didn't notice') while my friends kept giving me worried looks (I found the whole thing hilarious, actually ). The other two occasions I worried the whole time that he was feeling left out, or that I was ignoring him, that he didn't understand the 'in' jokes-it spoiled the evening for me, tbh, because if I sat and chatted to him I felt like I was being rude to the other guests, and if I sat and chatted to them I felt I was being rude to him. And then one guest got bladdered and bit his ear...

So this year I said if he didn't mind, I wasn't going to invite him, for the reasons given above. He's been fine with that (apart from the odd eleventy million 'joke' about being excluded).

It might be that the few that are saying they won't come unless partners are invited might be better company if their other halves can come? Perhaps they might feel more relaxed?

Regardless- as the organiser, you just have to accept that you can't please everyone. Tell the complainers that you'll miss them but you understand- I bet they suddenly want to come.

Original poster

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 16:46

Some people just don't want to socialise with work members and want their partners there to be able to avoid talking to others but while still being able to show their face. [quote]

Any adult who is so unwilling to socialise with their colleagues they'd bring their partner and ignore their work mates all night would be better off just staying away from the whole thing. They certainly wouldn't add anything to the atmosphere with that kind of rude unfriendly behaviour.

OP posts:

toffeeboffin · 07/12/2015 17:03

Was talking about this at weekend.

Work's Christmas do's should be for employees ONLY. No partners, never.

A. You just talk shop anyway, why would the partners have fun?
B. The partners will just feel awkward because they don't know anyone, because guess what, they don't work there!

Also, I like being on my own with people form work, if DH is there the dynamic would change, as would most people, if their partners were there.

toffeeboffin · 07/12/2015 17:07

'My office party is my one annual chance to flirt with my colleagues and remind myself I've still got it'

This too!

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 17:25

Maybe because they don't want to be hit on my random women just because they work for the same company.

That's the type of behaviour I would expect from teenagers not grown ups with dp's at home.

If you want to flirt with people go out clubbing rather than making a spectacle of yourself and a laughing stock of your partner at your companies works party.

No wonder the sleazy works party thread got started.

BillBrysonsBeard · 07/12/2015 18:36

I would prefer just workmates! My DP is sociable and would talk to everyone but it's about colleagues letting their hair down together, in jokes, shared experience.. Also not being one half of a couple, just being an individual.

ManaFleet · 08/12/2015 09:55

I don't think you're being one thing or the other, it totally depends on your work environment, your partner, your relationship with your colleagues and your situation.

In a workplace where you're all genuinely friends, it's more than likely that you know each other's partners and kids anyway. After work or Friday night drinks often included partners when we were younger, then when people started having kids the dynamic changed anyway.

goggleboxismygod · 08/12/2015 10:45

Ive never understood who these partners are that want to go! I always turn down DP's xmas party - I don't want to spend all night talking to a load of accountants who will inevitably have in-jokes and work banter which I cant be part of. Equally, if DP was invited to mine, he wouldn't come.

DP did once come to a work social night because my department decided to try a "bring your partners" night. He informed me about 2 hours in that everyone I worked with bar 3 people are absolute knobs and he couldn't understand how I kept sane.

LetGoOrBeDragged · 08/12/2015 10:46

Flirting with colleagues is gross. So unprofessional. This is what I mean when I say that I don't view colleagues as friends. You could do that with mates but with colleagues it will have an impact on your career.

NikkitaJono1408 · 08/12/2015 11:26

I think partners should be able to go.
We have worked together in the past so we've gone to Christmas party's together. However we work at different places now. We are both deputy managers at nurseries, so my partner works with ALL women and i think it an situation like that I should be invited as majority of people would feel very uncomfortable, their partner going to a party full of other woman. How would you girls feel?

I know I would prefer for him to be at my parties, however if it is all girls going and no partner I would understand him not wanting to, as I wouldn't go to an all man party either.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 08/12/2015 14:50

I don't see why the fact that all someone's colleagues are the opposite sex to them suddenly means they need a chaperone for the Christmas party? What do you think is going to happen? You can't just invite one partner on that basis, it has to be all or none.

JoffreyBaratheon · 08/12/2015 15:03

Yes, agreed. My husband works in a small, close knit team of people all of whom I'd think of as friends, as I know them well, socialise with them - go places and do things with several of them. But I'd still never dream of going to their xmas do. It's just wrong (plus boring for me as let's face it, they'll talk shop and I'm bored enough of husband talking about work).

motherinferior · 08/12/2015 15:05

My office party is my one annual chance to flirt with my colleagues and remind myself I've still got it.

Yep, me too.

I wouldn't mind DP going to an all-female party at all. No doubt he too would indulge in a spot of decorous flirting, but I somehow think they can resist him.

Christinax · 08/12/2015 15:56

i agree it doesnt work and what about people who dont have partners?

Bunbaker · 08/12/2015 20:56

"My office party is my one annual chance to flirt with my colleagues and remind myself I've still got it."

God no. I just wouldn't want to flirt with anyone from work. I get on really well with my colleagues and don't want the embarrassment of facing them after doing something silly.

Fratelli · 09/12/2015 06:36

I don't get why people want theirr partners to be at everything! I would hate to go to dp's and I'm sure he would hate mine! Tbh I'm not a fan of them anyway. I wouldn't get drunk at them and the idea of flirting with colleagues is just awful! But I tend to keep personal and work life separate.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 09/12/2015 06:39

Ha! DH and his colleagues are a bunch of aeroengineers, there's not much flirting that goes on there... Partners are welcome at his work do.

WeThreeMythicalKings · 09/12/2015 06:44

I used to loathe DH's office do. Formal meal and dancing afterwards.

The arrival of the DCs and breastfeeding excuse lasted way longer than I actually breast fed.

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