Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think partners coming to Office Christmas outing doesn't really work

100 replies

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 10:51

We're having Christmas drinks and finger food in a pub near our workplace next Friday. Now, a few people have suggested that everyone brings their partner. Views are split here but some of us feel that it will take away from the relaxed informal feel of the night and change the dynamic. Personally I want to relax and let my hair down with colleagues I know well, not have to make small talk with their partners, make sure they're included in the conversation etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 07/12/2015 11:41

"I hate the concept of work socialising anyway. Colleagues are not friends"

You sound like a bundle of laughs. I actually like the people I work with, and the occasional social outing is great for team morale as well as just having a good time.

Original poster
Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 11:42

"I hate the concept of work socialising anyway. Colleagues are not friends"

I've made some very good friends through various jobs I've had.

OP posts:
Yokohamajojo · 07/12/2015 11:46

Through it is inevitable isn't it, that most conversation will involve work related stuff? that's the big common denominator between colleagues. Even if I would definitely consider some of my colleagues friends, some of the other ones are seriously difficult to find anything interesting to talk about with!

WeAllHaveWings · 07/12/2015 11:48

Chatty that's a different scenario from OP where people are suggesting partners come rather than being dictated to.

Senior management should show face (and disappear after paying the drinks bill Wink). As senior management can he influence mandatory partner attendance or at least the menu? If they didn't cater for my dietary needs I would definitely decline the invite.

Judydreamsofhorses · 07/12/2015 11:49

I wouldn't want to go to my partner's work do unless it was a formal dinner-dance type affair where everyone was expected to bring partners. I think it's one of those things where it's only fine if absolutely everyone does, or no-one does, which doesn't really work because of people's different circumstances!

Original poster
Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 11:51

That's the thing Judy. It makes people who don't have partners feel a bit awkward, and people who do have partners feel they have to spend the night looking after their partner.
And, as others have said, office gossip and bitching and reminiscing is boring for anyone other than colleagues.

OP posts:
Garlick · 07/12/2015 11:54

His work even know I won't eat the food on the menu and it's been said that we can just sit there while everyone eats

Blimey! "You've got to come but we won't make you welcome" Xmas Shock

This looks like an occasion where you bring your own meal. Or ring the venue and order a suitable one. Don't bloody sit there with a plate of crisps!

KERALA1 · 07/12/2015 11:55

Yabu I enjoy dh work thing though he hates it. I work from home so don't get my own event. Dhs colleagues are deadly dull but a few of the partners are good fun - wife of senior dull man is bonkers so I ended up having an unexpectedly good time.

Thinking about it at his work they need the partners to liven things up.

LetGoOrBeDragged · 07/12/2015 11:56

I think it's great if you are genuine friends with your colleagues. Maybe it depends on your job but I would find it quite hard to be genuine friends with someone who I had to report to at work or someone who had to report to me - it wouldn't feel equal. The work would be a barrier to being fully relaxed with them. But I accept that could just be me. I also never needed to team build in order to do my job, but then my working day was mostly spent with children.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 07/12/2015 11:58

YANBU - socialising with the people you work with and so know vaguely is bad enough without having to keep up with your partner's colleagues and work situations, comings and goings, names, relationships etc!

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 12:00

It's not a need its that I just don't like the food, I'm not the only one Dh and others don't like the food. Think all premade with certain sauces etc included/mixed into the meal so no chance to get it changed even the vegi options are all something with cheese.

He properly could get rid of the mandatory attendance for partners but I would still be expected to go as otherwise he wouldn't. He doesn't like forced socialising and can be shy.

He would be one of those asking if I could attend if it wasn't already expected.

I think Christmas time just gets too much for work places between organised events / secret Santa's / Christmas jumper/shirt days and it's all at the worst time of year due to how busy everyone is.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 07/12/2015 12:05

I would have agreed till I started my current job, there are only a dozen or so of us and we are friends as well as colleagues and all the partners mix well too, I enjoy catching up with them as we all hear about each others lives from chat at work. But we also have several colleagues only nights out every year and it's definitely a different dynamic.

reni2 · 07/12/2015 12:12

There is a thread about the sleaziness of many office parties on here at the moment, see that one for why it might improve many parties Grin

It would stop threesomes in glass-walled offices and elderly co-workers shirts being ripped off and many more atrocities reported on that other thread.

Goingtobeawesome · 07/12/2015 12:12

Just because your partner is invited it doesn't mean they have to go..

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/12/2015 12:20

Depends really.
DH was in charge of the work Christmas do this year, and he gave the staff a choice (them all being male) - workers only, or wives/gfs as well. All bar one said "bring the missus". Thing is that the workers themselves aren't that tight-knit a group, as they mostly work out of home offices/vans; so I think they quite like to have their other halves there so they at least have someone to talk to! And it doesn't seem to matter that we only see each other once a year, we still manage to get on and chat just fine with each other.

But when I was younger and in an environment where we worked closely together all day every day, works Christmas outing was far better without partners, because of what everyone has already said about in-jokes, making sure the other half is ok etc. I didn't take my boyfriend of the time to those, it would have been really uncomfortable for us both.

MorrisZapp · 07/12/2015 12:21

Over my dead body.

My office party is my one annual chance to flirt with my colleagues and remind myself I've still got it.

If it was partnered, I'd stay home and chat to DP without cost or hangover.

frillybiscuits · 07/12/2015 12:22

Yanbu, I couldn't go with my OH even though I used to work there and I knew everyone. Same places don't let you and it works better

Original poster
Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 12:30

"Just because your partner is invited it doesn't mean they have to go.."

That's not really the point though. It's whether or not bringing partners detracts from the overall enjoyment of office parties.

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 07/12/2015 12:35

I think you're right

I remember one time when we asked our manager to,bring her fella. That was because he actually helped out a lot and was regularly seen in the workplace and well like by staff.

This led to one member insisting her partner come.

It was awful, about three people bought partners, and it was so so obvious that two of them wanted to be anywhere else but with us, despite everyone's best efforts.

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 12:39

morris

Maybe that's why some people wants their partners there? They don't want work colleges flirting with them so figure if their partner is with them they will be left alone.

JimmyGreavesMoustache · 07/12/2015 12:40

we're had a few dos where partners have been invited
i've never wanted to bring mine, and TBH he's never wanted to come
i've always lied and said we couldn't get anyone to have to DC so he had to stay home with them

Chattymummyhere · 07/12/2015 12:41

Just realised my phone is having a great time changing my words Angry

2ndSopranosRule · 07/12/2015 12:44

I'm sitting here chortling because partners aren't invited to ours (I'm not invited to ours but that's another story) apart from one colleague who gets to bring his wife and another who brings her mum. She's married btw.

Only a very small handful of my colleagues have met my DH as a consequence in the seven+ years I've worked for this organisation. I'm pretty certain the rest of them think he's made up.

AnnaMarlowe · 07/12/2015 12:48

I regularly attend all sorts of functions for my DH's work. I enjoy them, I'm not shy so have no problem chatting to strangers. I also like being able to put a face to the name of all the people he talks about at home.

One of my closest friends is the partner of one of my DH's colleagues and we met at a night out nearly 20 years ago.

Bunbaker · 07/12/2015 12:52

"and it's all at the worst time of year due to how busy everyone is."

By the time your children are at high school the business disappears - no nativity play/carol service/school production.

OH works from home, family live hundreds of miles away and I'm not going to the work do, so we aren't busy at all.