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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think partners coming to Office Christmas outing doesn't really work

100 replies

Daisysbear · 07/12/2015 10:51

We're having Christmas drinks and finger food in a pub near our workplace next Friday. Now, a few people have suggested that everyone brings their partner. Views are split here but some of us feel that it will take away from the relaxed informal feel of the night and change the dynamic. Personally I want to relax and let my hair down with colleagues I know well, not have to make small talk with their partners, make sure they're included in the conversation etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/12/2015 07:27

I must work in a truly dud office, because there's no-one there I'd want to flirt with, drunken, or otherwise.

I have no issue with a one-off partners-invited do.

Most works dos are colleague is only, so the occasional partners-invited knees-up isn't the end of the world...

MorrisZapp · 09/12/2015 08:21

Panic not! I'm not a random piss head foisting herself on innocent accountants.

I work with about fifty people, and perhaps ten of them are available for selection. I have been subject to unwanted lechery and it is utterly grim.

I'm talking about very mutual, very light flirting, no roving hands involved. Everybody's happy.

scribblegirl · 09/12/2015 08:25

My old work place set up a poll every September:

Xmas party with partners invited but no free booze (to cover extra food costs); or

No partners but a tab on the bar.

AFAIK in 20 years they'd yet to pick option 1

Spidertracker · 09/12/2015 08:39

I am one who doesn't go because partners aren't invited. I don't like doing things without him. He doesn't go to his for the same reason.
If it was partners allowed we wouldn't go either because we would only sit and talk to each other anyway and we can do that at home for free. I can see if everyone took our approach it would be awkward though so understand why they are staff only.

IrenetheQuaint · 09/12/2015 08:39

Oh God nothing worse than having to have a dull conversation with Dave's girlfriend about their new kitchen plans when you really want to have a long rant with Dave over the ridiculousness of department X.

Plus I am generally single so would have to hang around the dull couples like an unwanted lemon.

Spidertracker · 09/12/2015 08:41

Also I work in a school, as do all my relatives. I have never known anyone's Christmas party be paid for by work. Is this another 'meanwhile in the real world' thing?

LisaD1 · 09/12/2015 09:12

Tricky one, depends on the party I think and the company. I work for a large corporate, 900 people in my building, I work in Sales (admin based role so not as outgoing as your average sales person) and my DH comes to our parties, mainly as they are swanky black tie events and really good fun. DH also works for a large corporate but in a tech based role. We wives/partners aren't invited but it will be a much smaller venue and they are generally not as outgoing. Does't bother me that I don't get invited.

LetGoOrBeDragged · 09/12/2015 09:17

I think private companies have more leeway to pay for parties, than schools, which are funded by the state. Can you imagine the frothing if the education dept picked up the tab for the teacher's annual piss up

Bunbaker · 09/12/2015 19:56

"I don't like doing things without him."

Do you never do anything without your husband?

OH isn't one for doing much outside the home or going out. If I waited for him to go anywhere I would never go out. We have been married for over 34 years but aren't joined at the hip.

HeadDreamer · 09/12/2015 20:14

Spidertracker, I work in the private sector and the christmas party has always been paid for by work. It's an annual drunken fare. We usually have other social events too. All the companies also provides coach transport to and from the venue and the office.

MorrisZapp · 09/12/2015 20:18

I work in the private sector, must admit my lot put on a marvellous, lavish lunch with loads of extras. They even pay my travel and hotel costs to attend! Bloody love the annual do.

chipsandpeas · 09/12/2015 20:25

im glad my work doesnt invite partners to the xmas do - it does change the dynamic imo
we get a summer function as well which partners can be taken which is a bit more of a posher affair - partners only started getting invited to bump the numbers up whereas for xmas pretty much 80% of staff go

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/12/2015 22:11

YNBU. I wouldn't be taking my dp. And nor would I expect to accompany him on his Christmas Works night out.
Also its a bit of rub salt in the wounds situation is it not for those without a partner or those who've suffered a bad break up. I don't want to sound mellow dramatic but this is the time of year when if you are feeling lonely and down it's really manifested.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/12/2015 23:30

Yes, my DH's company pay for it all, including hotel accommodation for us - bit international corp, DH is in sales management. I'd be less inclined to go if we had to foot the bill!

2rebecca · 09/12/2015 23:32

No spouses/ boyfriends etc at our do. The only partners present are business partners which is what I thought the thread title related to initially.
It costs enough paying for everyone who works there, and would double the size of the venue needed and be less of a company bonding thing.

SoWhite · 09/12/2015 23:35

I have mine this week - big fancy black tie do. I agree, I don't want small talk with strangers. I want to left my hair down with friends.

SoWhite · 09/12/2015 23:37

Is this another 'meanwhile in the real world' thing?

I think so. Mine tomorrow night will include a three course dinner, unlimited drinks all night, venue entry and taxi home, all on the company tab.

2rebecca · 09/12/2015 23:43

If some people don't want to go because they can't face an evening without their spouse then they don't go. It makes them look rather clingy.
Our Christmas do isn't compulsary. If some people don't want to come I'd rather they stayed at home than came and sulked or said how much they were missing their soul mate (puke). A clingy man who wouldn't go anywhere without me would be awful, although my bloke doesn't go to his Christmas do, but that's becaused it's 90% + blokes and they all get drunk as fast as possible and he hates that. He'll happily go to other stuff without me. I'm not a security blanket.

BackforGood · 09/12/2015 23:53

I've never worked anywhere where partners are invited, so it sounds a bit odd to me, but, that said, dh's work always have a family BBQ in the Summer, which is very nice to be able to go to, to put faces to names. Being a BBQ it's quite relaxed and there's always loads of small dc running about, and of course you can hear people speaking (unlike some Christmas 'dos') so it's a different dynamic. It is nice though.

Summerisle1 · 09/12/2015 23:53

I'm delighted that DH has a civilised lunch party (yesterday as it happens) that doesn't involve me. I really don't think that dragging partners along improves the often dire experience that is the work Christmas do.

LetGoOrBeDragged · 10/12/2015 07:37

I can see why people don't want to go without their partners. People spend so much time at work now and lots of people work away from home or do opposing shifts, to cover childcare. If a work event is taking place on what would normally be your day off, you don't necessarily want to leave your partner for the extra time. Not everyone gets a lot of time together in the first place!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/12/2015 10:52

Well, DH's Christmas do was last night and most people had partners there - since it was a dinner and dancing, it worked better to have partners too!
Only 20 of us all up (including partners) and we had a good time.

cosytoaster · 12/12/2015 11:00

YANBU for all the reasons already mentioned. I'm single and if people brought partners to the work's Xmas meal I wouldn't go, I have no wish to spend an evening sitting like a lemon amongst a group of married couples.

ChippyOikInTinsel · 12/12/2015 11:09

I haven't read the thread so I don't know whether you've had a hard time or been supported but no, you are NOT being unreasonable

I remember when I had a partner and once partners were invited, I had to be concerned with how he was mixing. Such a drag. There were also a few minor things I was hoping he'd remember not to blurt out.

Then later as a single person, people you'd kind of assumed you could hang out with at the party were more focused on their partner not having a crap time.

I wouldn't really care because I've been single for almost all of life but for some people who are only recently single, they can feel very self-conscious and genuinely pitied and patronised because they go alone to an event where it's assumed that 'the norm' is to have a partner.

So i agree with you, it's a stupid idea. it takes a group of people who have functioning friendships and then shakes up all of those dynamics at the christmas party?!!?

ClashCityRocker · 12/12/2015 11:21

Hmmph think I've got the worst of both worlds - dh works for the same firm so we're both at the same christmas party

What usually happens is all staff go out for a meal, food and drinks paid for, and then to a pub after, where partners are welcome to come. It's normally the same ones that come every function so we do get to know them

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