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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be uncomfortable about this?

95 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 07:58

Ds goes to Cubs, he really enjoys it.

On Friday they are going Carol singing in the local area to raise money. They are going from 6-8pm, every child must have a parent with them. It's not a usual cubs day.

I'm not comfortable with this. I don't think it's fair to knock on people's doors at tea time/childrens bedtimes. I don't think it's fair to knock doors in the dark, there are a lot of elderly people.

I think it's too late.

I'm going to struggle to go as ds has swimming lessons first, I've got a baby who will need feeding and putting to bed and dh won't be back from work.

If children don't attend they won't be invited to the Christmas party, won't get their badge and won't get the sweets which are given out.

Surely it would be better to request to carol sing in a supermarket entrance a weekend morning?

OP posts:

GreatFuckability · 01/12/2015 08:02

I don't think its particularly late or anything, but I am that they wont be allowed to attend the Christmas party if you don't go! Having a younger sibling who needs their bed is a perfectly valid reason to not go!

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 08:04

I can't agree that there's anything wrong with carol singing at 6pm, it's a well-established tradition and if people don't like their doors being knocked on they don't have to answer. I also don't think it's too late time-wise, it seems a perfectly reasonable time for a child who is old enough to go to cubs.

However, the cubs' insistence that this is a condition of going to the Christmas party stinks, particularly when parents will have younger children and may well have problems going out. Can you talk to them about the logistical problems.

Sighing · 01/12/2015 08:07

Usually with Brownies I take charge of my 2 DD and 2 more of their "six" for carol singing. Any chance someone will be able to double up for you?
Carol singing as an interruption seems to be more kindly than Halloween. There's generally advance warning as they'll often start singing in the street rather than at the door.
If carol singers carry a light or torch it's probably less intimidating for householders as well.
It's unfortunate there isn't another option (making biscuits for neighbours; wrapping gifts to taise money; helping a neighbour with christmas decorations; delivering cards to sheltered housing).

YouMakeMyDreams · 01/12/2015 08:08

I am a Cub leader. I don't think there is anything wrong with the carol singing in fact I'd love it if a bunch of cute kids knocked and started singing carols to me. I am appalled that it is a condition of the Christmas party though. I try and avoid planning things for a non Cubs night and if I have to I accept not all Cubs can attend because they and their families have other commitments. I would be complaining about that condition tbh.

Sighing · 01/12/2015 08:09

^^ suggest these ideas as an alternative thst parents could sign off. All in the doing a good deed / Christmas spirit which is presumably for the badge?
Our brownies have an annual appearance at sheltered housing. The residents join in and we all eat bisvuits. It makes me shed the odd tear!

ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 08:10

Yanbu. 6pm is fine but if someone rang my doorbell at 8 they'd wake my baby and that would be annoying. The worst thing in your op is definitely the condition placed on the Xmas party. I wonder if a leader has said this as a bit of a joke to the Cubs, not really to be taken seriously. Stupid of them if so.

mrsmugoo · 01/12/2015 08:13

Agree 6pm would be nice and festive, 8pm would wake my toddler and disturb my dinner Eastenders

Jw35 · 01/12/2015 08:17

I don't mind Carol singers up to 8pm and I've got a baby! (Who would be in bed) If you're uncomfortable about it have a chat with the scout leader. It certainly shouldn't stop him going to the party!

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 08:19

Perhaps I'm being a grump about the carol singing. I've never had carol singers so if they knocked the door between those times I'd likely be making tea and putting children to bed. I wouldn't have any change. I suppose with Halloween you're expecting it.

OP posts:

BlueJug · 01/12/2015 08:24

I agree OP. I hate carol singers. They knock while I have got something on the hob or while I am mid-dinner or catching up on the news. It is awkward standing with the door open on a freezing night for two minutes to listen to something that you don't want to.

If enough people say no it may not affect this year but maybe next year.

wonkylegs · 01/12/2015 08:25

I have no problem with the timing of the carol singing but making it a condition for the Christmas party is just not on. It discriminates against kids that can't attend through no fault of their own.
I volunteer with Beavers at the hall regularly but couldn't walk/stand for 2 hours (severe hip problems & pregnant) and DH wouldn't be home from work so DS wouldn't be able to go.

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 08:27

In my mind 7pm would be cut off for door knocking. Although I actually love getting trick or treaters. We never go though as I'm really uncomfortable about disturbing people.

They seem to use this tactic to persuade attendance on non cub days. They'll say if you don't attend X you'll miss details about Y.

OP posts:

catfordbetty · 01/12/2015 08:28

every child must have a parent with them

Does this mean there will be as many adults as scouts for carol singing? What would happen if you had two boys in the scouts? Seems like overload in terms of supervision.

I also agree that it's harsh that non-attenders don't qualify for the Christmas party.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 01/12/2015 08:29

I suppose with Halloween you're expecting it.

Carolling is a far older tradition than trick or treat door-knocking (either a US import or a recentish revival and Americanisation of guising, depending how you look at it). Are you not in the UK?

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 08:36

Yes I'm in the UK. I've literally never ever had carol singers knock. I get trick or treater each year so it's probably just what I'm used to. I've seen carol singers in town centres or supermarkets.

Not saying one is better or more justified just that personally I'd be expecting trick or treaters but not carol singers.

Going slightly off though as I'm not saying people shouldn't go carol singing! Just that 8pm is too late. But I'm perfectly happy to accept if I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:

HeteronormativeHaybales · 01/12/2015 08:42

Carol singing at 6pm, fine. Insisting a parent comes along, not on - if they want to do this they need to sort out enough supervision. Making Christmas treats and party attendance conditional on going, very much not on. Explain this to the leaders. If they still insist on leaving ds out, make a huge fuss of him with treats etc on party day. In the long term the leaders will b eroding parental goodwill with this sort of thing.

Jux · 01/12/2015 09:01

Carol singing was one of the highlights of Christmas when I was a child. Having singers come to our door, and going singing ourelves. It is sad that it doesn't seem to happen much any more. I'm afraid I don't much like having to run the gauntlet of singers in supermarkets, but it's better than those horrible Rotary Club mechanical monsters.

Please let your child do it. It's a special occasion so you can wrap baby up very warm and take him/her with you. It could become a Christmas Tradition. Your baby will grow up remembering the excitement and wonder of seeing his/her brother all dressed up and going about in the dark singing, and cheerful people! Very Christmassy! If you're really lucky there'll be snow (no, it won't snow this year ).

And then when the baby's older s/he'll be going carol singing too.

It's sounds lovely to me.

ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 09:13

Not the point of the thread I know but Strawberry I'm from NI and we did 'Halloween Rhyming' (a lot like trick or treating) in the 80s. It's not really American nor really recent.

Helenluvsrob · 01/12/2015 09:25

Either go or don't but I think being " uncomfortable" about scouts going carol singing is a bit off!

I assume the " must bring a parent" is because of all the helicopter /over protective stuff they've had moans about in the past " you will hold little Johnnys hand on the road" x 20 kids etc

Remember the scout leaders are volunteers. This is a "nice thing" your child has the opportunity to do.

It might be a condition of the badge that they are working towards to have a public performance or something " for the local community" so it is entirely fair that if your child doesn't do it they don't get the badge.

Not so happy about it being a condition of the party, but I bet they've had lots of " can't be bothered" issues in the past with these things ( we used to have many CBA for church parade on occaisional Sundays when my kids were in scouting)

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 09:29

Jux unfortunately I don't think I can get misty eyed over carol singing.

It's not a problem bringing the baby out in the cold it's more that he becomes a tired grisly nightmare between 6-7pm and needs feeding at 7.30pm which is the time he goes to bed. It's unlikely that he blissfully snooze in the pram plus I'd have to feed him at 7.30pm no matter what.

So it seems that opinion is the carol singing and the time is fine. So in the Christmas spirit I will have to try to sort something out.

OP posts:

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 01/12/2015 09:38

I did mention guising ofall and when I say 'recent' I seem to be thinking in different time scales to you

I just find it a bit sad that people find carolling strange at all or think it's a thing that should happen in supermarkets (!?)

AnneElliott · 01/12/2015 09:43

It sounds odd that they want 1 parent per cub! I'm a beaver leader and we wouldn't ask that. Not on for it to be a condition of the Xmas party either. Can you see if another parent is happy to take care of yours? What if you had twins? Would they expect both parents?

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 09:43

I suppose in a town centre or supermarket there's no pressure, you're not disturbing anyone. People can choose to watch or walk past. People are likely to have change on them.

If carol singers knocked my door at 6.30 I'd be in the middle of eating tea, I'd have no change I'd be so flustered as I wouldn't want to shut the door on them. If they knocked at 7.30 I'd be doing bedtime.

I'm clearly a miserable sod though. I am a bit bag humbug in general this year.

OP posts:

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 01/12/2015 09:45

Well, obviously it's died out a bit in your area as a tradition. If it hadn't you would be half expecting it.

StrawberryTeaLeaf · 01/12/2015 09:47

Oops posted too soon.

So I think it's lovely that the cubs are reviving it, but I think a baby is a good enough alibi to say 'he'd love to come but there is no parent available to join him because...'

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