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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be uncomfortable about this?

95 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 07:58

Ds goes to Cubs, he really enjoys it.

On Friday they are going Carol singing in the local area to raise money. They are going from 6-8pm, every child must have a parent with them. It's not a usual cubs day.

I'm not comfortable with this. I don't think it's fair to knock on people's doors at tea time/childrens bedtimes. I don't think it's fair to knock doors in the dark, there are a lot of elderly people.

I think it's too late.

I'm going to struggle to go as ds has swimming lessons first, I've got a baby who will need feeding and putting to bed and dh won't be back from work.

If children don't attend they won't be invited to the Christmas party, won't get their badge and won't get the sweets which are given out.

Surely it would be better to request to carol sing in a supermarket entrance a weekend morning?

OP posts:

ExConstance · 01/12/2015 13:05

We always have carol singers around here. Groups from the church and elsewhere. When I was at secondary school I used to go carol singing with 4 or 5 friends and we would take a lot of care with our list of songs and give our collection to Oxfam. People on Mumsnet forget that the proportion of families with very young children is quite low in most areas and if they came round much before 7 I'd be getting dinner, taking out the dog etc and wouldn't enjoy the singing so much. Carol singing is a real British tradition, Halloween is an American import we knew nothing about 30 years ago.

ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 13:06

Halloween is an American import we knew nothing about 30 years ago.

As I said up thread, this isn't true.

diddl · 01/12/2015 13:08

"Do your local carol singers have guns? Of course they aren't compelled!"

It doesn't happen here.

Perhaps compelled was the wrong word.

But once you've opened the door, you can't really just close it again without giving!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 01/12/2015 13:12

I must say I'm quite saddened by the suggestion that carol singers would be an unwelcome annoyance for so many people .

I think it's lovely, it reminds me of childhood Christmases when carol singers coming door to door were much more commonplace. I don't always have change in my purse either, but could generally manage a handful of coppers from the small change jar. You're not obliged to give anything and, if you do, it doesn't need to be ££'s - unless you're feeling mega generous!

Rivercam · 01/12/2015 13:17

I love the idea of carol singing, and think it's a less lot grabby then trick and treating. At least with carol singing, you 'earn' your money, and not just 'beg' for it.

6-8pm is not late, and a reasonable time.

If you can't make it due to other commitments, then don't go, and as others have said, contact the cub leader for party details. Or don't go to the swimming lesson.

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 13:18

Of course you can close the door without giving, just be polite. You say, Thats lovely but I don;t have any money on me, and they will say merry christmas and toddle off.

It's Christmas Carolling Cubs, ffs, its a NICE THING. I know on MN its a crime to knock on a door, but in the real world, this is not something to be complaining about.

Original poster

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 13:22

Door knocking always seems to have opinions either side.

Treadsoftly I will first speak to dh to see if he knows where he's working Friday, if it's unlikely he will be back then I'll ask if it's absolutely essential that I go along.

I don't really want to think about not going as ds will be vey upset.

OP posts:

AlpacaPicnic · 01/12/2015 13:22

Maybe the targeted streets could be 'warned' for want of a better word - a few posters on lamp posts, or flyers through the doors so that people could know in advance to get a bit of change ready if they felt like contributing - or not open the door if they didn't!

Putting conditions on the party seems silly - surely parents will share the information amongst themselves anyway?

ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 13:22

I don't know if it is that sad that some people have said they wouldn't be THAT thrilled to have carollers. Noone's said anything terrible about carollers have they?

I think these days I just don't expect people to knock on my door and sing in my face. I'm a little socially awkward when taken by surprise tbh and, as I said I've never once had carollers (and I am not particularly young). I have lived in England (various parts) and Scotland (various parts) as well as NI (where I'm from) so I don't think it's particular to the area I live in that we don't really get them... I do feel like a massive grinch saying it but tbh I'd find it a bit annoying after a certain time in the evening. Sorry! That's not to say I'd be rude; I'd listen and smile awkwardly and would definitely donate if they are doing it for charity but yeah I'd find it a bit annoying if I'm in the middle of bath / bedtime for DC and I have to stand around at the door listening to Cubs being forced to sing (or else they won't get to go to their Xmas party) for example.

Rivercam · 01/12/2015 13:23

I knew Halloween 30 years ago. However, then it was a different affair. People dressed up as witches, wizards and black cats. People did go trick or treating, and if people didn't give out sweets, you would get flour or eggs thrown in your garden. People would also go around with Penny-for-the-guy, as Halloween and Guy Fawkes tended to merge a little.

It was not the commercial event you have today.

diddl · 01/12/2015 13:26

For me I'd rather go somewhere & be able to listen & join in rather than someone come to the door.

Ideally they wouldn't have to knock-they could stand outside singing & people bring money out if they want to-isn't that how it should be done?

ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 13:29

Oh interesting River, we used to have big family parties and had apple pie with coins baked in them (but gross in hindsight), did Apple bobbing etc, dressed up as something like a witch or a mummy and went Halloween rhyming. We didn't get sweets, we got money. It was really considered a bit weird if someone gave food instead of coins back then! No egging or flouring though, that I saw anyway.

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 13:29

Halloween is an American import we knew nothing about 30 years ago.

Not so. At my school we had a mahoosive Halloween party, and that was back in the Dark Ages 60s. And my recollection is that it had been a tradition for a long time before I got there.

Rivercam · 01/12/2015 13:32

I forgot about Apple bobbing! Halloween was Halloween without that!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/12/2015 13:43

Where I live in London (and I know its the same for friends in another area) trick or treating is only done on houses that have halloween decorations / pumpkins outside. So you get a choice as a householder whether or not your door is knocked.

I am less keen on people knocking on my door putting me on the spot to give money; even though I would donate if they were singing in the local shopping centre.

OldGreyCat · 01/12/2015 13:45

In Scotland (at least in my bit!) 'Guising' means going to peoples houses (if they have a pumpkin displayed outside it means they are happy for you to knock). The children then sing a song, tell a joke or rhyme or do a wee jig. They are usually given sweets. If not, there is no 'trick' at all.

I'd be happy to have Carollers up until 8pm but lots of elderly people might not like an unexpected knock at the door in the dark?

I'd tell your Scouts that Mini cant come (and why). I'd say that you are unclear from the wording if that means Mini cant attend the Xmas Party?

If so, that is utterly against the spirit of Scouting.

Would be better if the Scouts attended a local Nursing/Retirement home and sang for the Residents on a Saturday morning imo.

RobotLover68 · 01/12/2015 13:52

another Cub Leader here - I don't insist on anyone turning up to anything, however if they don't they must understand they may not get the vital tick they need to finish a certain badge. Virtually everything we do is ticking some badge somewhere even if parents don't realise. Having said that, he would still be allowed to go to the party but just not get the badge (which he may be able to finish at a later date on his own)

diddl · 01/12/2015 14:37

"Would be better if the Scouts attended a local Nursing/Retirement home and sang for the Residents on a Saturday morning imo."

That would be lovely-but it's supposed to be a fundraiser!

I used to belong to the Red Cross & remember going singing at the local hospital & the care/retirement homes.

Was lovely!

nattyknitter · 01/12/2015 17:56

I have a sign on my door that reads

No sales
religion
charity
politics
or relations
Others by invite or appointment only

I hate that you can't even walk down the street these days without being harrassed by someone for something. If it isnt that then it's the phone ringing about car accidents I haven't had or PPI policies I wasn't stupid enough to take out in the first place.

I really do not want people banging on my door disturbing us and especially not after dark. I'm not sorry about it either.

Oh and I don't want viagra or a penis extension when I read my email either.

The only people welcome to just turn up to my house know how to let themselves in the back anyway.

However I will happily go out ot the local lights switch on and christmas market and donate into the various buckets for the groups that will be out with brass bands, carol singing etc.

Just to add that I wouldn't mind you knocking if you were being chased down the street by a pack of rabid dogs or were genuinely in danger, but otherwise bog off.

AbbeyBartlet · 01/12/2015 18:07

I would be pretty pissed off if I had carol singers knocking on the door. So would my parents. But then I hate answering the front door at night as I live on my own.

I also wouldn't be happy about contributing to the Cubs, so that's a negative on all fronts really!

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