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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable about this?

95 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 07:58

Ds goes to Cubs, he really enjoys it.

On Friday they are going Carol singing in the local area to raise money. They are going from 6-8pm, every child must have a parent with them. It's not a usual cubs day.

I'm not comfortable with this. I don't think it's fair to knock on people's doors at tea time/childrens bedtimes. I don't think it's fair to knock doors in the dark, there are a lot of elderly people.

I think it's too late.

I'm going to struggle to go as ds has swimming lessons first, I've got a baby who will need feeding and putting to bed and dh won't be back from work.

If children don't attend they won't be invited to the Christmas party, won't get their badge and won't get the sweets which are given out.

Surely it would be better to request to carol sing in a supermarket entrance a weekend morning?

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 01/12/2015 09:49

I don't think that's too late for carol-singing, but I am Shock that non-attendees won't be invited to the Christmas party or get their badge. That's a bit heavy-handed, to say the least.

BeeePeee · 01/12/2015 09:58

I agree with you op. I think doing it on a shopping centre would be nicer and less stressful. It's really in reasonable to make it a condition to attend the Christmas party. It's not the child's fault of the parents have other responsibilities.

Floralnomad · 01/12/2015 10:01

I would be unimpressed if a group of Cubs came carol singing here , particularly so early in the month , what is the money raised being used for as that would be my question before I handed any over ? The non invite to the party is against the spirit of the movement so I'd ask the GSL about that if I were you . I agree that a public area on a weekend morning would be better .

BaronessSamedi · 01/12/2015 10:01

YANBU.
given the way things are financially for many people at the moment, i would not be going door to door looking for money, regardless of whether its for charity or not.
i wouldn't let him participate in this.

chillycurtains · 01/12/2015 10:09

6-7 or even 7.30pm would be ok but 8pm is late. I would have been very peed off when my DCs were younger to have a doorbell rung at that time.

But the not allowing children to the party if they haven't been to the carolling is awful. That is just mean. There will be parents who are working or have other commitments with other DCs - like your swimming lessons - who just can't make it. I would be talking to the leader and actually taking it higher within the Scouting organisation if they don't listen. I understand the leaders are volunteers but you can't just prevent children from joining in events. There is not really any reason for that many helpers/parents either really. I would have thought 2-3 children per adult would be fine so they only need a group of volunteers to commit not every parent.

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 10:16

Do you really never have change in the house? Seems a bit odd - what if you need to pop out for a bottle of milk or something? But anyway if you don't want to answer the door to carol singers you don't have to.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/12/2015 10:23

Are you sure going to the Christmas party and getting their badge is dependent on going carolling?

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 10:28

I don't usually have change in the house I don't pop out for a bottle of milk! I always shop in the supermarket and pay by card. We are sometimes caught short needing to pay for parking but even that's mostly card payments these days, but whether I keep change in the house is irrelevant really.

Just to be clear as someone said I'm not uncomfortable with scouts carol singing. I'm uncomfortable with personally door knocking especially at teatime/bedtime. I don't believe that it will be appreciated round here. This isn't friendly sleepy village it's unfriendly city.

I'm miffed that if we can't go ds would miss the party. The badge I can understand but most of the things to achieve the badges are outside of usual meetings and can be difficult to get to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 10:30

Well the letter says 'details of the Christmas party will be given on Friday so attendance is essential if your child would like to attend the Christmas party'.

OP posts:
PoppyBlossom · 01/12/2015 10:31

I agree with you op, it seems very heavy handed to say all the young Cubs must become chuggers to get their badges and Christmas party invite.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 10:33

Yes it also clearly says it's essential for a certain badge.

They also give sweets and chocolate to children who've attended the events so half of the kids come out with chocolate bars and the ones who didn't go don't.

They do this at the meeting after the event.

So next Tuesday at the Cubs meeting all of the children who went carolling will be given sweets.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/12/2015 10:35

It's just poorly worded. I'm willing to bet if you email and say ds can't make it but will be there for the party they'll send you the details. As for the badge, if it's what they need to do to earn it, then it is what they need to do!

Hatethis22 · 01/12/2015 10:44

I never have change in the house. If I need milk I pay by card.

I'd be much happier with them doing a couple of hours on a Saturday morning in the local shopping precinct. Then older people wouldn't feel pressured to donate money they can't spare and everyone could enjoy their singing.

diddl · 01/12/2015 10:44

I'm with you OP.

I think if you know the people whose doors you are knocking on, that's one thing.

Just going up & down streets & knocking on doors is not on imo.

By the time my dad had got his stick & struggled to the door they'd probably be gone.

If not he'd then get himself in a knot having to go back to get his purse.

Leaving doors open & letting cold in in the process!

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 10:45

Do you think Paul? Am I being cynical? It seemed like a deliberate insinuation that if we didn't go carol singing we'd miss the party.

Writing it down has given me perspective. It doesn't really matter whether I think it's a great idea ds enjoys Cubs a lot so I'll sort something out.

OP posts:
Hatethis22 · 01/12/2015 10:46

Your scouts sounds like it's run by someone in sales.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 10:49

Those are my thoughts diddl and hatethis.

Because it's not the done thing around here I feel it will catch people on the hop.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/12/2015 10:53

It seemed like a deliberate insinuation that if we didn't go carol singing we'd miss the party

That's because it is.

I'd be fuming but it is a voluntary organisation and the singing is presumably to fund raise [for the cubs?] so I can understand why the kids are being pressured to go even if I don't like it. We could all make suggestions about alternative times and locations but we are not the folk giving up our personal time unpaid to go door knocking with a lot of children.

The ratio is odd - two children per adult is a normal school ratio at nursery and in the winter at night-time I don't think I'd be that comfortable increasing it even for a 6-7 yr old.

Complain and say that it's not feasible to accompany your child on this occasion [though you don't mention that you are a single parent so why this is entirely your problem I am not sure] and that you resent the implication that he will not be welcome at the Christmas party.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/12/2015 10:54

To me it reads as poorly worded. Email them. If I'm wrong then they are major dicks! It's not on, doing that to kids.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:00

Tread softly I do completely agree with you. I certainly don't feel I can complain. People are giving up their own time to give opportunities to children. I realise that and I appreciate that. I don't like the way they've gone about it. But as you say it's not for me to start telling them I know better if I'm doing nothing to help.

Dh will unlikely be back from work and he wouldn't go anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:02

Yes the money is for the Cubs.

OP posts:
zeetea · 01/12/2015 11:04

I love all things Christmassy including carol singers, I usually see them at stations/in town squares etc, but never had them knock on my door and if they did I'd feel a bit miffed - I'm rather a miserable cow when it comes to people knocking on my door anyway (don't get trick or treaters either, pretty built up area like you) I don't often have change and as we give to our own chosen charities every month I'd feel annoyed at feeling guilty/looking like a tight old hag for not wanting to give to theirs...

It is cute and seasonal though, general consensus here is it's fine, but if they do mean only the children that go carolling get to go to the party is pretty nasty - not everyone will be able to make necessary arrangements, they should relax a bit on the one parent per child thing.

BertrandRussell · 01/12/2015 11:05

Outrageous if the party is dependent on the Carol singing- and don't let that pass. Honestly, it's so not fair I think it must be some mistake.

zeetea · 01/12/2015 11:07

Oh money for the cubs apologies. Still.

Agree with treadsoftly, they've not gone about this very well!

Jux · 01/12/2015 11:15

Could dh not arrange to leave early that one time, so he can either go with ds or stay at home with the baby?

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