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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uncomfortable about this?

95 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 07:58

Ds goes to Cubs, he really enjoys it.

On Friday they are going Carol singing in the local area to raise money. They are going from 6-8pm, every child must have a parent with them. It's not a usual cubs day.

I'm not comfortable with this. I don't think it's fair to knock on people's doors at tea time/childrens bedtimes. I don't think it's fair to knock doors in the dark, there are a lot of elderly people.

I think it's too late.

I'm going to struggle to go as ds has swimming lessons first, I've got a baby who will need feeding and putting to bed and dh won't be back from work.

If children don't attend they won't be invited to the Christmas party, won't get their badge and won't get the sweets which are given out.

Surely it would be better to request to carol sing in a supermarket entrance a weekend morning?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:17

I suspect that the children will be allowed to go to the party but as those who don't go carol singing won't have the details. You would have to email and say I've heard that there's a party happening can you please tell me the day and time and what I need to contribute as I didn't bother to come to the carol singing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:23

Jux dh works all over the place up and down the country. For example yesterday he was up at 4.30am, he had to go to his base an hour away to get parts. Then travel a further 2 hours to a job not fully knowing how long it would take as it was a breakdown. He was only told about the job Sunday morning.

It's the nature of his job there's are no guarantees.

OP posts:
ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 11:24

I do like the idea of carol singers but think I'd rather they came before 7.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:26

If dh gets back early I'll just go but it's not like he's in an office up the road where he can just leave.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 01/12/2015 11:31

How do you know you won't have change?

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:42

Imperial is that really all you're going to add?

OP posts:
LadyNym · 01/12/2015 11:48

Pyjama, I agree with you on all points. I've lived in the UK all my life and have never had carol singers come to the door so I'd be surprised and a bit flustered if they did. I also often don't have change (though, I make an effort to make sure I do at the moment for Toddlers and various Preschool cakes etc. they sell outside) and I think 8pm is a little on the late side to be knocking/ringing bells. Both my boys go to bed at 7.30 so it would be a pain for me if they were woken up.

It's really not on that you're being blackmailed into it with threat of no invitation to the Christmas party as well.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 01/12/2015 11:48

I don't have a problem with the concept of carol singers before 8pm.

I don't have a problem with cubs being invited to go carol singing on a Friday evening, so long as they have a parent to escort them.

What I definitely do have a problem with is the 'punishment' for not attending! There are many genuine reasons why someone may not be able to go. It's awful to say the Christmas party is only for carol singers!

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 11:49

You sound a bit a drama llama. It doesn't say you can't go to the party if you don't go carolling, you havent tried to find out if anyone else will watch him while he goes, you're po faced about carolling at all, you're suspicious about what the money is for.... What a bloody fuss! Just don't go, and call the leader for details of the party. And chill out a bit.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:51

Where did I say I was suspicious of what the money is for? I think you've totally pulled that out of nowhere?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 11:54

I am not suspicious of what the money is for.

No I don't want to go door knocking and I think it's been strongly insinuated both in the letter and to the children that if we don't go there will be no Christmas party.

I've also said that the thread has given me some perspective and that I'll sort something out so your post adds nothing.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 01/12/2015 11:57

"You would have to email and say I've heard that there's a party happening can you please tell me the day and time and what I need to contribute as I didn't bother to come to the carol singing"

No, you wouldn't. You email saying "Dear Akela. I'm afraid that Minipyjama can't go carol singing on Friday. He has younger siblings, and as his father won't be home from work until much later there is nobody who can go with him. I am sorry about this, but there is no way round it.

By the way, the letter seems to suggest that only Cubs who go Carol singing can attend the Christmas Party, but I am sure I must have misunderstood. Could you let me know when and where the party is and what Minipyjama needs to bring.

Thank you

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/12/2015 12:08

I know that Bert. I was deliberately using that wording. It would be kinder if we were just told about the party details without it being a condition of attending the carol singing, was my point.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/12/2015 12:15

Are they all meeting together before or after the carol singing?

Won't details of the party be given out then?

I can understand them not getting a badge if this goes towards it, but surely the Christmas party shouldn't be dependent on anything?

Surely every child having a parent won't be possible for all?

Marcipex · 01/12/2015 12:17

I totally get it, Pyjama.

When my DS was a cub, they didn't get their badges unless they'd brought in a cake for everyone.

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 12:19

I don't really understand all this aversion to people knocking or assumption that other people won't like it. I live in a city and it really isn't a big deal. After all, these days people like Amazon deliver at all hours. If someone doesn't like it, there's no compulsion on them to answer.

BertrandRussell · 01/12/2015 12:37

"I know that Bert. I was deliberately using that wording. It would be kinder if we were just told about the party details without it being a condition of attending the carol singing, was my point"

Absolutely. Which is why they mustn't be allowed to get away with it.

diddl · 01/12/2015 12:44

"there's no compulsion on them to answer."

Well they might be expecting someone-or a delivery.

They are then compelled to hand overmoney even if they don't want to.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/12/2015 12:45

So what are you going to do OP?

TheSecondViola · 01/12/2015 12:51

They are then compelled to hand overmoney even if they don't want to

Do your local carol singers have guns? Of course they aren't compelled!

GruntledOne · 01/12/2015 12:59

Diddl, I think the sound of the carol singing might be a bit of a clue that this isn't someone making a delivery.

Daisysbear · 01/12/2015 12:59

I think the idea of going door to door singing carols is lovely, an old tradition that we don't see much of anymore.

However, making it compulsory to go if a child wants to attend the party etc is wrong.

diddl · 01/12/2015 13:03

Depends on the houses.

Could sound as if it's next door or across the street.

I think that it's the sort of thing that sounds lovely but doesn't always work out that way.

KeepOnMoving1 · 01/12/2015 13:04

Maybe I'm a grinch too but I wouldn't appreciate this. I don't want to be disturbed at that time and stand there awkwardly. Fortunately I live in an access controlled building where they can't enter Blush
Yanbu to think it's not on for this to be a condition to go to the party though.

ofallthenerve · 01/12/2015 13:05

I wouldn't mind normally and u do like the idea of carol singers (have never had any in my life so think it is dying out a bit sadly), but my DD can be a light sleeper. She hates being woken up and it can take a long time to settle her again if she gets woken, so if someone rang the bell at 8 I would be a bit miffed tbh. That might be U or unfestive of me but there you have it. On Halloween, as I expected trick or treaters, I put up a polite sign after DD went to bed saying "please knock instead of ringing the bell". I do the same when I expect a delivery or visitors. With carol singers it's a bit different I guess as they could come any day before Xmas.