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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

wedding present thank yous

98 replies

saltlakecity · 27/10/2015 11:03

I went to a friend's wedding in July. Aibu to think she/they would have sent thank you notes for presents by now. She asked for money so I gave £50 which to me is a lot.

Fwiw her wedding cost me around £200 with gift, new outfit (nothing older fit me), drinks etc. I couldn't go to the hen do as I was away but that would have been an additional £150 (not relevant I know as I didn't go).

I just think a thank you isn't too much to ask. I've not even had a text off her. Nothing. Aibu?

OP posts:

SushiAndTheBanshees · 27/10/2015 11:06

YANBU

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 11:12

My cousin got married last year. We gave him 100 euro and my parents gave him 150 euro. No thank you note/card/text!

He's actually a very nice guy so I'm really surprised.

Woobeedoo · 27/10/2015 11:22

YANBU. .

Friend of mine got married 5years ago. I've given up waiting for the thank you note for the gift. Also given up waiting on a thank you note for the gifts I bought for her newborn 3years ago. I think the idea of sending thank you notes just don't matter to some people.

PegsPigs · 27/10/2015 11:25

I am surrounded by people who never thank me for gifts but I always make sure I do thank yous. YANBU.

StrumpersPlunkett · 27/10/2015 11:27

Yanbu I am saddened by the current trend believing that thank your are unnecessary

PlaymobilPirate · 27/10/2015 11:32

yanbu - you'll get people who say 'they thanked you in person on the day' but tbh I think that's bollocks. They might have thanked you for coming but most gifts these days are put on a dedicated gift table... the couple won't know what you've given and so can't thank you really.

Gift receivers (birthday / wedding / christening etc should ALWAYS thank after they've opened the gift so that they know what they are thanking you for.

I once asked a close friend if she'd done 'thank you' emails / cards etc as we'd not received one. she said 'oh we're not bothering - DH thanked everyone in his speech so...'

I don't gift to them or their children now.

IndridCold · 27/10/2015 11:33

YANBU, it only needs to be the shortest of short notes, but it is just common courtesy.

AlisonWunderland · 27/10/2015 11:35

I took writing paper, envelopes and address book on honeymoon with me and wrote a couple of thankyous every day.
When you're looking out at palm trees, it's no chore!

InTheBox · 27/10/2015 11:36

Yanbu but these sorts of things are fraught with so many tensions. Agree a even a quick text would've sufficed.

Leelu6 · 27/10/2015 11:40

EEK I still haven't sent mine after 2 years...is it too late?

I still feel bad.

nmg85 · 27/10/2015 11:44

I think it is rude not to send thank you cards within 2 or 3 months of the wedding. Give them time to have a honeymoon and then send out cards. We did ours within 3 weeks of getting married but then we had less then 30 to do.

WizardOfToss · 27/10/2015 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoisyOyster · 27/10/2015 11:45

crikey op, your post is so similar to me I was actually about to advance searched my name to check I hadn't written it myself!

I presume a thank you letter isn't coming. Bit sad as I didn't think my friend was like that. But hey ho

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 11:45

Out of interest Leelu6, why didn't you write any thank yous?

PlaymobilPirate · 27/10/2015 11:46

I'd send an apology - not trying to make you feel bad but I can't understand how people would spend money or use gifts they'd been given on their wedding day without thanking people?

middlings · 27/10/2015 11:46

YANBU - I hate people not saying thank you. It's such bad manners.

Leelu6 I was always told you should send them within a year. I wrote them the weekend I came back from honeymoon. I'm afraid if I'd given you a wedding gift, I would consider you to be very rude. If you feel bad, why don't you just do it now!

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 11:53

Even 'within a year' sounds quite rude. I would say 'within a couple of months'.

KoalaDownUnder · 27/10/2015 12:01

'Within a year' is not right.

Invited guests have up to a year to give a gift, according to traditional etiquette. The reverse does not apply to the thank-you note.

Casmama · 27/10/2015 12:04

I sent most of my thank you notes before the wedding- we had a gift list and I was notified when people bought things and tried to send the notes within a week of that. It also meant that most of them were done before we came back from honeymoon.
I also think that a thank you note with a printed Thank you inside is very lazy and almost as bad as none at all.

Leelu6 you should feel bad and I think you should do them- as long as you apologise for the delay I think most people would appreciate it and might even have a chuckle over it.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 27/10/2015 12:05

YANBU, it takes seconds to write a note thanking people.

Given they were greedy and asked for cash, it's unsurprising there are no thank you's being mad. Bad manners from the start.

fruitlovingmonkey · 27/10/2015 12:05

We sent ours about 2 or 3 months later. We wanted photo cards so we had to wait for our photographer to get us the pics, then order cards. Some friends were much later sending theirs but it turned out the photographer was really slow and then their order got lost at the printers. Give them another couple of months before you write them off.

middlings · 27/10/2015 12:05

Oh that's interesting Koala! (as an aside, who takes a year to give a wedding present!!)

I'm a bit nutty about thank you cards - the DC's Christmas ones will be out by the New Year.

WhyDoesGastonBark · 27/10/2015 12:06

YANBU my cousin got married in Sept '13... Never got any thank you... Arseholes!

TaliZorah · 27/10/2015 12:07

While thank you cards are nice it's hardly something to get annoyed about.

PurpleTreeFrog · 27/10/2015 12:07

Ours took a couple of months as we had to wait for our photographer to give the photos back and then get cards printed as we wanted to send a photo card with our favourite wedding photo on the front, for close family and friends it's more of a keepsake from the day. The cards took ages to arrive from Vistaprint so a month after the wedding some of the old ladies who were guests were already tutting and making remarks to other relatives about not having received anything yet! So now I wonder if it was silly to do the personalised option rather than just firing off a quick note ASAP.

If I gave a wedding gift and didn't receive a thank you within a couple of months or so, I would then be expecting something personalised like my example, rather than a basic card from a multipack...

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