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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding present thank yous

98 replies

saltlakecity · 27/10/2015 11:03

I went to a friend's wedding in July. Aibu to think she/they would have sent thank you notes for presents by now. She asked for money so I gave £50 which to me is a lot.

Fwiw her wedding cost me around £200 with gift, new outfit (nothing older fit me), drinks etc. I couldn't go to the hen do as I was away but that would have been an additional £150 (not relevant I know as I didn't go).

I just think a thank you isn't too much to ask. I've not even had a text off her. Nothing. Aibu?

OP posts:
PlaymobilPirate · 27/10/2015 14:03

If you have time to organise a wedding around working you have time to write thank yous.

middlings · 27/10/2015 15:58

^^ This.

And I did most of ours - DH would have taken WEEKS to do something like that. I did make him do the ones for his auntie and his Mum's friends - not because I thought it would matter but because I knew his Mum would like it. Don't really agree with her - but I like her and I like her to be happy.

PixelLady42 · 27/10/2015 16:08

YABU - I would wait 6 months or so before starting to get cross.
I got married in August and am still in the middle of my thank yous. I have done 35 out of 70, each is a hand made card with a personal written message so takes some time to do. I am trying to get through them when I can, but working full time and having other commitments means I don't have masses of time to whizz through them.
I do intend to try and get them done by our honeymoon next month, but it's nice to take my time and not rush them to be done by a certain date (unlike my wedding planning!)

Leelu6 · 27/10/2015 16:09

I'm suitably chastened!

Have texted DH and we're going to sort it out pronto.

Imogenlasting - I liked some thank you cards we saw on honeymoon but DH wanted to create his own. He never did. I should have given him a deadline.

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 16:12

I can understand that it's nice to write personal messages, but why the need for hand made thank you cards or specially produced ones. Most people just read them and toss them in the bin.

ZanyMobster · 27/10/2015 16:26

I can't see the need for handmade or personalised thank you cards either but surely it is nice to write just one personal line, i.e thank you for the money/voucher/photo frame? Often weddings cost the attendees a lot these days too, not many people seem to have local weddings anymore and there is the hen/stag dos etc. When people have paid out a lot, traveled far and bought a gift it is the least the couple can do IMO.

ZanyMobster · 27/10/2015 16:28

Sorry, I misread your post Imogen, I am agreeing with you Grin

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 16:30

No worries Zany Smile

GoringBit · 27/10/2015 16:44

I like receiving a thank you card - these days almost all post is junk or bills, so something personal and a reminder of a (hopefully) happy occasion is nice to get.

We've received thank you cards from the last three weddings we've been to, which I wasn't expecting, so they were a happy surprise.

PrimalLass · 27/10/2015 16:50

The notes don't have to be elaborate, fgs. A pack of pretty cards, thanks for coming and for the lovely gift, bam. Done.

Open envelope. Read card. Throw in bin. Done.

Not worth the angst IMO. I'd rather not receive them.

Imogenlasting · 27/10/2015 17:05

Well one of the reasons people like to get thank you cards for a wedding gift is to be sure the bride and groom received it and know who gave it to them.
No need for anything elaborate. Just a quick note saying 'thanks for the gift cheque/wedding voucher/Egyptian cotton sheets. It was very much appreciated. Love Jack and Emily.'

StrumpersPlunkett · 27/10/2015 18:09

We didnt blush but then we also said we didnt want gifts. Dh is ill and im still working and we just havent had time. Its been 3 months since we married.
Im really hoping nobody is offended sad

Loodle I think the people who are offended are probably the type who won't say.. If you get chance a small note of thanks doesn't take long.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/10/2015 18:12

Have to admit I'm surprised - threads like this usually bring out comments like "if you're just giving to get a thank you, stuff your gift", but it doesn't seem to have happened this time

IME folks don't put conditions on their gifts; they just expect a bit of common courtesy. It surely shouldn't matter whether a thank you's on an email, engraved vellum or borne on an elephant's back, just so long as it's made somehow. And for those who object to the waste of paper, high postage costs, etc, there are lots of online cards which can say it just as well - they even take less time than writing a note

specialsubject · 27/10/2015 18:13

while a card is good, in this tech age it is no effort to send a message/email or phone up to say thank you.

bridezilla who had loads of time to sort poncey details but no time to say thank you - well, you know where you stand. No more gifts, ever.

vulgarbunting · 27/10/2015 18:17

Can you ask another guest whether they got one? It may have been lost in the post (I am so paranoid about this happening to my thank you cards!), it happened to a friend of mine.

Pohtaytoh · 27/10/2015 18:21

I still have the fear that not all our thank you cards were received!

I ordered personalised thank you cards after our wedding and wrote at least one a day once they arrived, making sure to make them personal with references to the gift given. As an aside 3.5 years on i've only just got round to spending one of our gift cards (having gotten house of Fraser to reinstate it)

WaitingForEgg · 27/10/2015 18:27

YANBU at all. It's rude
Me and DH went to a wedding in the summer, no thank you card
Gave £50 in personalised card, travelled and stayed night in hotel, new outfits etc. He also attended stag do
Just a quick note saying thank you would have been appreciated

pineapplecrush · 27/10/2015 18:32

Thank you notes should really be sent within 2 months of the wedding - surely this isn't too much to ask? Imogen makes a good point though, increasingly weddings seem in RL and on Mumsnet more and more indulgent me me me. Agree with Puzzle, this post has gone the courteous route when similar posts haven't. Of course a thank you should be given in whatever shape or form. Bridezilla from Special subject ha ha.

manandbeast · 27/10/2015 18:35

Couldn't care less if I don't receive a thank you note if I'm thanked on the day. Text is also ok

Only1scoop · 27/10/2015 18:36

Yanbu

Very bad form not to send a thank you for a wedding gift.

Euripidesralph · 27/10/2015 19:07

I really want to say this as nicely as possible, but I really didn't realise there was anyone who had so little in their lives that not receiving a thank you card was a big issue?

You don't think this is really quite petty? My belief was we give gifts to celebrate or make someone happy ..... Not to receive gratitude or thanks?

Only1scoop · 27/10/2015 19:11

My life is extremely fulfilled.... but I guess I'm just a sucker for some old fashioned etiquette and manners. I love that most friends and relatives are like minded.

StylishDuck · 27/10/2015 19:16

YANBU. We had a 3 week gap between wedding and honeymoon so I made sure all the thank you cards were written and sent before we went away.

I also don't like the current trend for sending a generic "thank you for your generous gift" printed on a postcard. I made sure I wrote a personal note to everyone. It doesn't have to be an essay. Just an acknowledgement that you actually are aware what you were given by everyone. Same for all the baby presents when DD was born (although admittedly she was 5 months by the time I got around to sending them Blush).

Savagebeauty · 27/10/2015 19:17

Ive been waiting 2 months for a close family member to ay thank you for my cheque.. I didn't go to the wedding.
Fucking rude in my opinion.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 27/10/2015 19:24

I like to be thanked but am happy for it to be text, generic printed card etc, and agree that they do go straight in the bin so photo ones are a bit wasted on me.

As for asking for cash, well that's my favourite sort of gift suggestion, no problems with that here Smile.