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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have banned screen time for two weeks?

93 replies

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:22

DS(7) point blank refused to have his verruca sprayed with the freeze treatment at the doctors today.
He has already had two lots of treatment, one under duress and one where he was fine. So he knew what to expect.
There was a lot of screaming and shouting and crying on his part. And much cajoling and general encouragement from myself and the nurse.
In the end, I threatened to withdraw his iPad if he wouldn't have it done. This threat normally ensures full compliance in any situation! He still refused to have the spray. I told him in that case we were going and he wasn't getting it back until he'd had the treatment.
When we got back to reception for me to book another appointment they told me they had nothing for a fortnight! He is obviously devastated that he will have to wait two weeks before he can play Minecraft again. And, to a point even I feel a bit mean for banning him for two weeks. But I am loathe to back down. I've explained that he wasted my time and the nurse's time and that someone else could have used the appointment. He is very sorry, although I think he is more sorry to have lost his screen time than anything else.
So AIBU? And if I am, how should I adapt his sanction without being seen to have backed down? Grin

OP posts:
Weathergames · 07/10/2015 18:24

Ooh! That's a punishment for you!! Grin

Can he earn it back...?

Two weeks is a long time for a 7 yr old

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2015 18:25

It depends on why he refused.

Sighing · 07/10/2015 18:27

Hmmm. I was thinking that yes. Sure 2 weeks no screens for disobedience.
But. It's a medical procedure, he has the future right to refuse that ... can you talk through why he refused, fears persaude him to commit before the 2 weeks are up. Is he completely refusing ever?

TheBunnyOfDoom · 07/10/2015 18:27

Why did he refuse to have it done? Was he just having a tantrum or did it hurt before or something?

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:27

I was wondering about earning some of it back.... in very, very small amounts... for exceptionally good behaviour!
Worra he didn't want to have it because "I don't like it" "It's cold" "It hurts"

OP posts:
Floppy5885 · 07/10/2015 18:28

Why don't you just buy some verrugone from Amazon. No pain and will be gone in 2 weeks max

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:30

Sighing I thinking he would go back and have it now if he could, now the reality of the iPad removal has hit home.

OP posts:
hampsterdam · 07/10/2015 18:30

Not sure you can adapt it without actually backing down. If you give him the tablet what's to stop him doing a repeat performance at the next appointment?
I wouldn't back down and wouldn't feel guilty either,7 is old enough to learn that behaviour has consequences and wasting people's time is not on.

NerrSnerr · 07/10/2015 18:30

I think you're being unfair if it hurts. Maybr I'm wrong as mine isn't that age yet but I'd go down the treat route (you can have some stickers for being brave) or something instead.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2015 18:30

In that case I can understand how frustrating it is, but I don't agree he should be punished for refusing to have something done that hurts him.

He's only 7yrs old after all.

Perhaps encouragement and a bit of internet research together might be the way to go.

Would you punish him if he was scared of having a tooth filled?

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:32

Floppy we have already tried the home removal, Bazuka type kits, and they didn't work. Hence going to the doctors.

hampsterdam thanks, I do agree with you. But part of me remembers from my own childhood how long a fortnight is when you're seven. I think if I do back down though, he would definitely try his luck again at the next appt.

OP posts:
auntyclot · 07/10/2015 18:37

It's only a fortnight, I don't think it's a big deal.

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:37

I tried bribery very early on in the appointment. He refused to have it done in spite of offers of sweets and Match Attacks.
If he hadn't had it done a fortnight ago with barely any fuss at all I think I would be more sympathetic and understanding.
And, no I would like to think I wouldn't punish him for not wanting to have a tooth filled, but he'd still have to have it done, even if it hurt and he didn't want to, because it would make it better. Which I have tried to explain to him about the verruca. A little bit of hurt now, from the freeze gun and then no more pain from the verruca. But he was having none of it. All reason was lost on him in his red mist of rage!

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 07/10/2015 18:44

No, leave it. He won't mess around and waste the doctors time next time. It's only two weeks.

If you back down, he'll know the sanction doesn't apply next time. He'll believe he can earn it back.

It's not the testament refusal that would bother me, but wasting appointments is really irritating.

Fauchelevent · 07/10/2015 18:46

I remember having week long and fortnight long screen/game boy confiscations for being cheeky when I were a lass (7/8). It did me a lot of good actually - I went back to doing creative things like drawing and writing stories and playing in the garden. It's not like you're not feeding him for two weeks, it's an iPad. If its cruel to deprive him of two weeks without it at seven then probably 14 days of doing other activities is a good idea.

QuidditchTonedThighs · 07/10/2015 19:01

It really hurts! Have you had it done OP? I took my 5 y o in with chronic verrucas and the gp said they would not treat children as it was so painful. I had it done myself and had to sit down for a few minutes to get myself together to walk home. I personally think it's unfair to punish a child for refusing medical treatment that is painful and scary.

BrandNewAndImproved · 07/10/2015 19:01

I think you've done the right thing and if you back down now he won't listen to any threat from you again. I'm quite strict on following through and even though it's a pain sometimes dc know I mean business.

DaimYou · 07/10/2015 19:08

I think if you've said it you need to stick with it and really a 7yo should be able to manage for 2 weeks, you'll probably find you have a much nicer child at the end of it IME (although, as above, you might find it tough)

However, does he need the treatment? My GP told me his recommendation was to leave warts and verrucae to do their own thing. They will go eventually and when they do you have some immunity so they don't come back, which you don't apparently get if they're treated.

It worked for us. Neither Ds1 or I have ever had another (in 10years+) since leaving them to go on their own. It did take a very long time though.

Floppy5885 · 07/10/2015 19:16

Bazzooka is rubbish. Give veruugon a try

KurriKurri · 07/10/2015 19:28

I don't think punishment is appropriate. Everyone - child or adult needs to feel secure that they have some say in anything that is done to their bodies. You can use persuasion and talk about why it is a good idea, or bribery - 'I know it's not very nice but it's over quickly and you can have a treat afterwards'

But 'you must allow someone to do this to you or you will be punished' is a threat and would completely go against my ideas about how medical procedures should be administered. It must be with consent as far as is practically possible (i.e the patient is conscious and old enough to express an opinion).

I think you are setting yourself up for problems if you make going to the doctor a traumatic experience because its associated with people being cross, punishment etc.

Fluffy24 · 07/10/2015 19:31

Sorry but it sounds horrid to have punished a little boy for not letting someone hurt him (which is what it boils down to).

I'd leave his verrucas alone unless you can come up with a more humane way of achieving his compliance.

That said I'm sure a 7yo without an iPad for a fortnight isn't (yes being all judgey, sorry) a bad thing.

NarcyCow · 07/10/2015 19:35

It really is very bloody painful, I found it hard to walk for days after getting mine done and it got worse each time.

I think you have to stick with it now but give him something really nice after the appointment for being brave!

TheOriginalWinkly · 07/10/2015 19:35

If you lived in the Republic of Ireland he would have cost you €60 in costs of GP fees and I bet you wouldn't think twice then. YANBU. Yes it hurts but it's necessary and he's wasted everyone's time.

BabyGanoush · 07/10/2015 19:37

I pad not a big deal

But threats a bit mean for something that hurts and is scary, it's fairly understandable!

Does the veruca bother him? They go away by themselves eventually

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 19:45

I can see what some posters mean about consent and medical procedures. But is 7 old enough to be able to understand and make the right decision for himself? Surely, if he was, god forbid, seriously ill and needed a surgery, then, as his mother, it would be me who made those decisions and signed the consent form?
Surely any child would choose not to do something that hurt them, even if it benefitted them in the long term, like a PP mentioned, tooth fillings. Is it my job as his mum to teach him that sometimes we have to endure a little discomfort in order to feel better later?
I admit I might have gone about teaching this lesson the wrong way, but I was 100% sure the threat of screen-time withdrawal would be enough to convince him!

OP posts: