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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have banned screen time for two weeks?

93 replies

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:22

DS(7) point blank refused to have his verruca sprayed with the freeze treatment at the doctors today.
He has already had two lots of treatment, one under duress and one where he was fine. So he knew what to expect.
There was a lot of screaming and shouting and crying on his part. And much cajoling and general encouragement from myself and the nurse.
In the end, I threatened to withdraw his iPad if he wouldn't have it done. This threat normally ensures full compliance in any situation! He still refused to have the spray. I told him in that case we were going and he wasn't getting it back until he'd had the treatment.
When we got back to reception for me to book another appointment they told me they had nothing for a fortnight! He is obviously devastated that he will have to wait two weeks before he can play Minecraft again. And, to a point even I feel a bit mean for banning him for two weeks. But I am loathe to back down. I've explained that he wasted my time and the nurse's time and that someone else could have used the appointment. He is very sorry, although I think he is more sorry to have lost his screen time than anything else.
So AIBU? And if I am, how should I adapt his sanction without being seen to have backed down?

OP posts:

fakenamefornow · 07/10/2015 19:48

As an aside I had a veruca and saw a chiropodist about it. He said if it didn't trouble me (it didn't) then just leave it alone and it will go away on it's own in about 18/24 months and because my own immune system had cleared it chances are I would then have immunity to them and not get one again. He did say he could freeze it, and it should go after a few treatments but I would likely get another in the future. This as about 30 years ago, I didn't have any treatment and it did go away and I've never had another.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 07/10/2015 19:49

YABU I think, it's not essential treatment that a 7 year old may not understand sufficiently the consequences of not having, punishing someone for not wanting pain is unreasonable.

Fluffy24 · 07/10/2015 19:50

But it's not tooth fillings, which are needed to stop much worse problems potentially eventually the loss of the tooth, or an operation etc.

It's a verruca - it'll probably go away on its own.

MrsPnut · 07/10/2015 19:52

I would carry it through but I am a very mean mama. He will realise that you mean what you say and at 7 years old, I make the decisions about having to have treatments and I wouldn't make them have anything done that didn't really need doing.

MrsPnut · 07/10/2015 19:54

Verrucas can be incredibly painful to walk on though, we treated dd's with bazuka gel but all of her skin peeled off and it did go within 2 weeks.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 07/10/2015 19:58

Yes, MrsPnut verrucas can be painful to walk on, but the consequences are immediate and obvious and should be understood by a 7 year old. It's not like a long term thing where the future result isn't understood. The child will know the pain of the verruca, and know the pain of the treatment, it's a judgement they should be able to do.

ihavenonameonhere · 07/10/2015 19:58

I've had one on my hand frozen. My eyes were streaming in pain. Unless it hurts to walk then leave it

KurriKurri · 07/10/2015 19:59

Well I think you have to explain the options to a seven year old - if it something important.

'If you have the treatment it will hurt for a little while but it will make you feel better in the long run. It's not nice, but sometimes things that make us better aren't nice, it's best to just try to get them over with as quickly as possible'

'If you don;t have the treatment it might get worse and cause you more pain in the future, it's often better to get things seen to earlier rather than later.'

If he want's to have the treatment so it doesn't get worse, but is frightened of the pain, then give him some techniques for dealing with pain. Counting out loud while it is being done to distract, deep breathing and relaxation fiddling with a puzzle toy - whatever you think might work.

The point is in his life he will at some point need medical procedures. If the medical environment becomes a place of fear, and he has no coping strategies that he has formed himself, when he is older and you can't stand over him and threaten him, he may well make the wrong choices, and avoid treatment, because he hasn't learnt to talk about and deal with fear and pain in a way that works for him.

Original poster

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 20:17

Thanks for all these replies. They've given me a lot to think about.
He did complain of it hurting him when he walked, long and loud. That's why we have ended up at the doctors.
I will have a chat with him about it tomorrow, because I don't want him to be afraid of the doctors in the future.
If it was the first time he'd been and wasn't aware of what was going to happen then I would be much more sympathetic. Even if he had said he was worried or scared on the way there or in the waiting room, but it wasn't until we were in the room and his sock was off that he lost the plot.

OP posts:

mrsglowglow · 07/10/2015 20:49

Gosh that's hard for your little boy to get punished for this. It sounds like he wasn't being naughty but rather anxious. I can see why you want to see it through as backing down would make any future threats of removal of screen time seem empty.

My dd had a verruca on her foot a few years back and we treated it with duct tape. She was too frightened to let anyone touch it so we tried this and kept it covered continuously for 4 months. It worked and she hasn't had another one since. I used to change the tape every day and one day when I pulled it off the whole verruca came away leaving a little crater that then filled in. She still talks about the amazing tape!

chelle792 · 07/10/2015 20:51

I tried to post earlier....

I had about 27 veruccas on my feet as a kid. They were so sore. Freezing them really hurt and didn't work.

In the end, a lady at a health food shop recommended banana skins. Peel banana, skin gets taped to verucca, the inside of the skin on his verucca (very strong tape).
For those sporn people amongst us.... The skin gets soft and you can pick it off. Eventually (after a week or two) all of the hard skin has been picked off (daily and nightly banana treatment) and then you can pick the black bit out.

I'm sensitive to this as I had a medical procedure when I was a kid that I didn't consent to. Its messed me up in terms of understanding consent for my body, trust, etc, etc. Admittedly it was more traumatic than having veruccas frozen but still...

Dragonsdaughter · 07/10/2015 21:00

I think the fact you say he 'lost the plot' is demonstration that it was fear and apprehension not just messing you/drs around. Punishng for being afraid is not appropriate or good for his trust in you.

HackerFucker22 · 07/10/2015 21:19

Was he having cryotherapy for his verrucas? If so it fucking hurts (had it done several times in error when my stupid gp was convinced my psoriasis was a wart!!)

HackerFucker22 · 07/10/2015 21:22

Also another vote for banana peel here.

I had one when I was 19 and we tried everything. My dad heard the banana peel tip on the radio and he trussed me up every night for a few weeks (banana peel, tight bandage) and it disappeared.... Touch wood I've never had a verruca since!!! This was 16 years ago.

StillYummy · 07/10/2015 21:28

I had to have warts frozen and something similar happened. 20 years later my mum had to have a wart frozen. She then realised it hurt and she apologised to me. I accepted her apology graciouslyish.

StillYummy · 07/10/2015 21:30

So I hope you don't have to do a similar bit of grovelling

theycallmemellojello · 07/10/2015 21:32

I think it's highly unethical to punish a child for refusing to undergo a medical treatment. Of course he has the right to consent or withhold consent to procedures like this! Yep, even when an appointment's been made (by you, not by him). I think you should withdraw the punishment and explain that he does have the right to decide what happens to his body. Think of the message you're giving him.

Original poster

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 21:34

He is quite the anxious sort actually.
Although this is normally confined to situations he hasn't experienced before. We've had a little chat tonight about it.
I think we might talk some more tomorrow, maybe about alternative remedies.
So, what do I do about the two week screen ban?

OP posts:

Original poster

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 21:39

theycallme Would you extend this level of medical autonomy for children under 8 across a full spectrum of conditions?
For example, if a young child needed a lumbar puncture due to leukaemia, but they refused it because it hurt, would you not make them have the procedure, even if their condition was life-threatening?
I know this is far, far different from a verruca treatment, but I just wonder where we draw the line in these situations?

OP posts:

usual · 07/10/2015 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

christinarossetti · 07/10/2015 21:40

I was quite a turn at my GPs surgery years ago when I had 28 (yes, 28) verrucas on one foot.

The treatment does really hurt.

Maybe if he had it done with no problem a couple of weeks ago, he forgotten about how much it hurt, so hadn't psyched himself up, then just freaked?

Try Calpol 20 mins before next time, as it does help.

If you think that giving his IPad pack is going to cause problems at the next appointment then don't. He honestly will hardly miss it in a couple of days.

Hope that it goes better next time.

Fairylea · 07/10/2015 21:44

I'd give him his iPad back. I'd use the reward of an iTunes voucher for games or whatever as an incentive for next time.

queenmools · 07/10/2015 21:44

I actually think, if you discuss the whole situation with him, you can then say you didn't realise how genuinely distressed he was and that you thought he was being naughty. Come to an understanding about how to deal with the verruca in the future and then you can withdraw the punishment without looking soft.

Original poster

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 21:46

Thanks christina I'm thinking about allowing very small bursts of iPad time as reward for excellent behaviour over the next two weeks.
And I will definitely psyche him up before the next appointment and give him some paracetamol before we go in. Good tips!

OP posts:

Dragonsdaughter · 07/10/2015 21:50

Just say you were wrong - you don't come across as 'soft' - just will be modeling and showing a child graciousness and how to grow from your mistakes. Your a parent not a politician - being wrong is allowed - especially if you deal with it well :)

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