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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have banned screen time for two weeks?

93 replies

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:22

DS(7) point blank refused to have his verruca sprayed with the freeze treatment at the doctors today.
He has already had two lots of treatment, one under duress and one where he was fine. So he knew what to expect.
There was a lot of screaming and shouting and crying on his part. And much cajoling and general encouragement from myself and the nurse.
In the end, I threatened to withdraw his iPad if he wouldn't have it done. This threat normally ensures full compliance in any situation! He still refused to have the spray. I told him in that case we were going and he wasn't getting it back until he'd had the treatment.
When we got back to reception for me to book another appointment they told me they had nothing for a fortnight! He is obviously devastated that he will have to wait two weeks before he can play Minecraft again. And, to a point even I feel a bit mean for banning him for two weeks. But I am loathe to back down. I've explained that he wasted my time and the nurse's time and that someone else could have used the appointment. He is very sorry, although I think he is more sorry to have lost his screen time than anything else.
So AIBU? And if I am, how should I adapt his sanction without being seen to have backed down? Grin

OP posts:
Dragonsdaughter · 07/10/2015 21:53

Personally your 'small bursts' are a bit shitty and still punishment - just hug him and say you were wrong like a decent human being

queenmools · 07/10/2015 21:53

That's exactly what I was trying to say dragons daughter. You said it much better than I did.

TwoBeaversAreBetterThanOne · 07/10/2015 21:55

Aside from the telling off issue I had a large plantar verruca on the side of my big toe, had it for over a year - only thing that got rid of it was wrapping (in my case electrical tape) around but any thick tape would do - replaced it every couple of days for around 2 weeks and it ended up completely gone painlessly. Never would have believed it till I tried it.

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 22:01

I do hope you're not suggesting I'm not a decent human being dragons? Flawed and mistaken maybe, but not a bad person. That's why I asked for help and advice.

OP posts:
PacificMouse · 07/10/2015 22:01

Honestly? It bloody hurts!
You would have had any of my DCs been happy or cajoled into doing that for the3rd time.

punishing him for wasting your time when he was the one to have the procedure done is crap IMO.

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 22:04

But you're probably right. I just don't want him to think that if he cries every time I try to make him do something he doesn't want to, that I'll back down.
I feel really torn between standing my ground over something I felt at the time was important and being unnecessarily cruel.

OP posts:
sproketmx · 07/10/2015 22:05

Nope. I think it's reasonable. It won't kill him, it's not like you told him you're going to be feeding tripe fir two weeks

Dragonsdaughter · 07/10/2015 22:05

Cardiff I'm saying you lack graciousness and are being petty instead of just saying Do you know what darling mummy was wrong.

PacificMouse · 07/10/2015 22:09

If I was you I would be doing more than psyche him up.
He has been doing extremely well by accepting that treatment twice.
A treatment that hasn't been working I assume?
And you want him to do it again Hmm

If it had been one of my DCs, I would have been rewarding him for his courage and lack of grumbles the first time. I would have told him how proud I am of his behaviour.
I would be looking at alternatives that are less painful (and there are some).
And I would be talking with him to see what he thinks would help. Not deciding that doing xxx would psyche him up and therefore he WILL be doing as you say...

Fwiw dc2 needed a tooth extracted as it was infected. Think huge lump of pus on his gum therefore extremely painful.
He still chose that to an injection to take the tooth out. He choose to wait 3 months with the pain (then he did have theorists out under sedation)
what sort of choice have you given him?

Dragonsdaughter · 07/10/2015 22:10

'It won't kill him' is a crap reason to punish a child - in my opinion. You lose the trust of the child and perversely will make parenting and future compliance harder as the child will associate drs with punishment and unfairness.

PacificMouse · 07/10/2015 22:13

Why are you making that an issue about who is winning or losing?
Why not finding a solution together? You want the verruca out, he doesn't want the treatment.

So many options rather than entering into a conflict And being at Lock head.
You can chose another way
You can agree to try xxx and if it doesn't work to do it again
You can reward him for his courage
You can ask him what would help.

But you are choosing to punish Confused

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 22:17

I said to him before he went to bed earlier that I didn't want him to be scared of going to the doctors and that we would talk about it again tomorrow.
I know my mum would have made me have the treatment when I was a child, rightly or wrongly, and I guess that's where I draw my experience from.
Parenting is so fucking hard sometimes!

OP posts:
Jollyphonics · 07/10/2015 22:34

I'm astounded you punished him for not wanting a painful treatment for a harmless and self-limiting condition.

I'm a GP and I've worked in dermatology too, and I have frozen literally hundreds of warts and verrucas. It hurts, and sometimes it hurts a lot.

Warts and verrucas are caused by a virus, and eventually (usually within 2 years) the body's immune system will beat it.

I've had parents bring their young kids for cryotherapy many times. I always agree to give it a try, but state categorically that if the child gets upset and wants me to stop then I will stop, regardless of what the parent wants. Cryotherapy for verrucas cannot possibly be compared to leukaemia treatment or even dental treatment. Verrucas will go away on their own. They can sometimes be painful but they will never do any harm.

I'll be honest OP, as a GP I would be quite shocked to see a parent threatening punishment and sanctions to a young child who was distressed and declining a non-essential and painful medical procedure. I would actually consider it to be assault to go ahead and do the treatment in those circumstances, and I'm pretty sure my defence union would agree with me.

To answer your original question - I think you should apologise to your son and let him have his screen time back again.

Samcro · 07/10/2015 22:37

yabu
wow

Original poster
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 22:39

Thanks Jolly.
The nurse today kept telling him it didn't hurt and spraying on the palm of her hand to show him it didn't hurt. The two receptionists both told him it didn't hurt either.
He said the last time he had it done that it hadn't hurt. He was so proud of himself for being brave about it!
It's only since starting this thread that I've come to learn that it probably does hurt. Which makes me feel even worse.
I don't think we will be going back to the doctors, especially with all the suggestions on here for using gaffer tape and banana peel instead! Grin

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 07/10/2015 22:45

Honestly just leave it, it will go away on it's own.I talked at length with a very experienced chiropodist when ds1 and 2 got veruccas.I was really worried as ds1 has an autoimmune condition and really wanted them zapped before they spread.

Turns out they say not treating is best as they go in the end. And they did!

JCDenton · 07/10/2015 23:26

Having my verruca frozen at a slightly older age is without a doubt one of the worst medical treatments I've ever experienced. It sounds odd when I think about everything else I've had done but I really found it very painful, and all for a tiny wart. It hurt.

He was obviously frightened and grown adults don't make good decisions in those situations, let alone young children. While he does need to understand that the doctor's time isn't to be wasted, I'd feel very harsh effectively punishing someone for folding in a very scary situation. Maybe it's best to talk through how to cope with short term pain for long term gain.

Also, whoever mentioned wrapping them in tape, that killed a very persistent one of mine on my finger in two weeks. Could be coincidence but I've heard good things.

RhiWrites · 08/10/2015 09:11

I've had it done several times and it didn't hurt me at all. It tickled - honestly it was kind of fun. Maybe some people here were much more sensitive to that kind of treatment?

I think no screen time is a good punishment but since neither of you knew how long it would take to get another appointment you could relax the ban after a week.

There are a lot of folk remedies for verrucas but they work differently for different people. You're nearly done with the freezing now so get it done and move on.

WhatAPigsEar · 08/10/2015 09:24

I've had a verruca frozen off. It hurt like hell!!
I agree with a screen time ban for bad behaviour & my dc have had bans a fair few times.
But not for refusing a bloody painful & unnecessary medical procedure.
As a PP said, apologise to your ds, tell him you didn't realise it hurt so much. Stick with Bazucca extra strength (& follow the instructions re soaking the foot properly). It will work.

PacificMouse · 08/10/2015 09:32

cardiff what are you going to do now?
Clearly it is likely that it did hurt. So he wasn't playing up at all.
Are you going to stand your ground re punishment?
And what are you going to try first? Banana peel or duct tape Grin?

PacificMouse · 08/10/2015 09:34

Jolly I found your post vey sobering tbh.
There are many things that, as parents,we want our DCs to do. Some of them non essential (or essential in our eyes but maybe not essential as such) and many times where we will have insisted on them doing it. Looking at it as if it was assault is sobering.

Branleuse · 08/10/2015 09:38

my daughter refused the freeze spray too. She did it the first time, it really hurt, so she refused from then on. We got rid of te verucca with apple cider vinegar and tea tree oil in the end. Took a while, and then it was nearly gone, i gave her tweezers and she picked the rest out by herself over the course of a week

Branleuse · 08/10/2015 09:43

i think you are VERY unreasonable to punish for not wanting a medical treatment, especially since its a painful one, and there are other much more gentle ones

Marisaurus · 08/10/2015 09:43

Is 2 weeks without an ipad really that bad? Can't he just play outside, draw, read, etc etc...?

It's not like you've grounded him or even banned all screen time, just one device. He'll cope, and he might think twice about wasting the GP's time next time.

It's not declining the procedure (that should always be his choice) but wasting the appointment, your time and the nurses time by not thinking it through ahead of time.

christinarossetti · 08/10/2015 09:51

He's 7! How on earth could he be expected to 'think it through ahead of time'.

I don't think the appointment was 'wasted' in the sense of someone just not turning up.

The appointment time was used to outline the treatment and consider whether he wanted it or not, which he chose not to do.