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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have banned screen time for two weeks?

93 replies

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 07/10/2015 18:22

DS(7) point blank refused to have his verruca sprayed with the freeze treatment at the doctors today.
He has already had two lots of treatment, one under duress and one where he was fine. So he knew what to expect.
There was a lot of screaming and shouting and crying on his part. And much cajoling and general encouragement from myself and the nurse.
In the end, I threatened to withdraw his iPad if he wouldn't have it done. This threat normally ensures full compliance in any situation! He still refused to have the spray. I told him in that case we were going and he wasn't getting it back until he'd had the treatment.
When we got back to reception for me to book another appointment they told me they had nothing for a fortnight! He is obviously devastated that he will have to wait two weeks before he can play Minecraft again. And, to a point even I feel a bit mean for banning him for two weeks. But I am loathe to back down. I've explained that he wasted my time and the nurse's time and that someone else could have used the appointment. He is very sorry, although I think he is more sorry to have lost his screen time than anything else.
So AIBU? And if I am, how should I adapt his sanction without being seen to have backed down?

OP posts:

BeautyQueenFromMars · 08/10/2015 09:54

You could always explain that you thought the next appt would be sooner than 2 weeks, so he can have his ipad back at the weekend. He'll have still lost it for a bit, so he'll see that you do follow through on your warnings. He'll also learn about compromise and reasonableness.

Branleuse · 08/10/2015 09:55

2 weeks without an ipad in itself isnt terrible obviously, as plenty of children arent ever going to be that lucky, but thats not the point. He has one, and its being used as punishment

Branleuse · 08/10/2015 09:56

He may be a child but still needs to consent to treatment

Floppy5885 · 08/10/2015 10:52

I'm not sure you can punish a child for being fearful and scared of a procedure. You need to give more thought to the issue

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 08/10/2015 16:22

I'm sure he'll live without the iPad for a coue of weeks. I'm confused by the people who say that it's not right to remove it because he complained that it would hurt him you're not having him in pain for no good reason. It's like refusing to vaccinate a baby because they cry. If it needs done it needs done.

RiverTam · 08/10/2015 16:28

2 weeks without the ipad won't kill him. As others have said, in other countries you could have been considerably out of pocket by wasting the appointment.

hiccupgirl · 08/10/2015 18:36

Have people who are saying he was being silly not to agree to the treatment actually had it themselves?

I had verrucas frozen off at the doctors with repeated treatment over 3 months - it is really painful, both when they freeze it and for days afterwards. It's not even pain you can easily ignore, it really burns and for quite a while afterwards. My DS who is nearly 6 has verrucas at the mo and there is no way I would consider him having them frozen because it is so painful.

It's also not comparable to vaccinations for a baby. A baby has no concept of what is coming whereas a 7 yr old does and an injection is not the burning, throbbing pain that verruca treatment is.

I would give him chance to earn the time back and talk to him about how the treatment hurts and makes him feel. Would a big reward for doing it persuade him to put up with the pain or is he just not willing to let them do it again? Verrucas will eventually go by themselves but it does take a long time normally.

hiccupgirl · 08/10/2015 18:42

Also I found the treatment hurt more as it went along. So it may well not have hurt your DS the 1st 2 times but once you start exposing more of the root of the verruca it probably is going to start hurting a whole lot more.

I've had a very painful operation recently but I still remember the pain from having my verrucas frozen 6 years ago as horrible and something I wouldn't be rushing to have done again.

Alwayssunny · 08/10/2015 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam · 10/10/2015 18:45

Just to update anyone who's interested!
DS had a bath this evening and the scab came off the top of his verruca. There doesn't actually appear to be anything left underneath it that I can see.
So it turns out my whole dilemma may have been academic anyway!
We have had a couple of talks about going to the doctors and sometimes needing a treatment that might hurt, like a blood test.
His iPad has been re-instated. Mainly because he also went to the dentist this week, where he was very brave and opened his mouth super-wide for the dentist to see inside!

OP posts:

Noodledoodledoo · 10/10/2015 19:18

Bit late to this one but if it does return try investigating a infra red treatment - I can't remember the name but it is completely non invasive and has a very high success rate (90%+ I recall).

I had one treatment on one I had at a chriopodist's and only needed one treatment. No pain at all.

JustDanceAddict · 11/10/2015 14:16

I did ban the Internet for 2 weeks as they had wTched a very rude cartoon on YouTube & showed their friends. Was in school hols. They were around 8 & 10. However, doing it for a medical procedure seems harsh. See if he can earn it back by being helpful, etc.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 11/10/2015 16:12

I think that was the wrong thing to do, but I think you know that now. I hope you can find a way to talk about it with your DS in a way that lets him know that you're human and that maybe your red mist descended too. Mostly, chin up. Who hasn't fucked up in a split-second judgement call at some point? As long as you learn from it, then you've made the best of a mess.

CallieG · 11/10/2015 18:19

You are NBU. There are many things our children have to do in their life time, things that are fun, things that are not so much fun and things that are downright objectionable.
You were not at the DR for fun, it was a necessary medical treatment, our children have many things they have to endure, vaccinations, needles, stitches, casts for broken limbs, dental treatments etc, they have to learn that some things they have a choice about & some things they don't , Treatment for a persistent wart is something that there is no choice about, he is old enough to understand that his wart is a virus that is contagious & that other people can catch it. Refusing to have it treated is a selfish choice and he needs to be a big boy and sit quietly while the DR treats it. He does not have to like it, he does not have to Want it done, he just has to do it. The other thing is, in the meantime you could look into an anesthetic cream to put on the surrounding skin so it does not hurt so much when it is sprayed with the liquid nitrogen.

sleeponeday · 11/10/2015 19:01

I think it's really important to respect a child's right to refuse all but essential medical care (obviously this can't apply to something that is genuinely necessary care) - how else can we teach them about bodily autonomy? You cajole, you explain, you stress how important something is, but forcing is likely to set up a phobia, and it also teaches the child that their body is not their own, and that nor is someone else's.

I'm with Jolly Phonic on this one. Cryotherapy is helpful, but inessential. DS had the right to refuse something painful, however embarrassing it was for you, and even if it wasted an appointment.

I'm very big on consistency, and following through on threats, 90% of the time, and always, always, always where the behaviour was bad and the punishment justified - or you end up with a spoiled little nagger. The other 10%, I'm very big on teaching kids that when you make a mistake, you apologise, put it right, and move on. Model what you want to see, essentially. If we can't be big enough to admit mistake, and demonstrate making amends, how can we expect them to?

sleeponeday · 11/10/2015 19:05

His iPad has been re-instated. Mainly because he also went to the dentist this week, where he was very brave and opened his mouth super-wide for the dentist to see inside

Ha, I envy you! DS has only just been persuaded to do that, very recently. And I am not sure this newfound co-operation will survive the first hygienists appointment, unfortunately. Cross fingers, hey.

driveninsanebythehubby · 11/10/2015 21:56

OP - have you ever had that treatment done yourself! Because I have (as an adult) and it is one of the most painful treatments I have ever had to endure. Your poor son - how could you do that to him and then punish him in that way because he was afraid of it? Did you at least give him so,e sort of pain relief for the treatments and ideally beforehand? The only pain relief that even remotely helped me was some tramadol that I had left over from back issues! Paracetamol etc just did not touch it.

I feel awful for your son. What kind of message are you giving to him? I hope you feel suitably ashamed of yourself right now because that was horrid thing to have threatened him with for him not wanting to do something very, very painful.

driveninsanebythehubby · 11/10/2015 22:16

Just like to back down and apologise slightly myself. I've now read through the whole post and can see that you have backed down on your punishment and didn't realise it hurt. Sorry if I was a bit rude to you, it just infuriates me the idea of threatening a child for something like that. Naughty behaviour - absolutely stick to your guns. A melt-down at the Drs because they suddenly can't face a really painful procedure does not deserve a punishment.

Glad to read too that it looks like the verruca has gone.

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