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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly shocked at Attachment Parenting websites!

86 replies

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 02/08/2015 18:07

I went on one out of sheer curiosity. It's utter madness.

One woman said she spoon feeds her 5 year old DS, and lets him pretend to be a baby!

I'm all for co sleeping up to an age but there comes a point when these kids are being infantilised.

AIBU for being shocked by some of the views/methods? I hadn't heard of AP until very recently!

OP posts:
caravanista13 · 02/08/2015 18:10

I don't know which site you've been on but I've never seen anything like that. My children are adults now but I wish I'd had some of the AP advice when they were small - the whole philosophy of respecting the child as an individual is so important.

Kayden · 02/08/2015 18:12

Anyone who labels their parenting is utterly batshit, in my opinion.

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 18:13

AP isn't spoon feeding Smile if anything they encourage BLW!

SingForBacon · 02/08/2015 18:16

I'm not sure why there is anything wrong with letting a 5yr old pretend to be a baby sometimes, but in any case that is nothing to do with Attachment Parenting. I don't personally feel the need to label my parenting "style" But I have read a lot about AP and it all makes a lot of sense. And I'm not sure where spoon feeding a 5yr old would fit into it!

What is it you see as problematic about the 5yr old being spoon fed, OP?

DisillusionedGoat · 02/08/2015 18:18

Attachment parenting is extremely valid for children who have had their childhood disrupted by trauma (death of primary care giver, neglect, adoption etc) and reparenting has proven validity in these circumstances.

ImperialBlether · 02/08/2015 18:20

I agree, Kayden.

Bambambini · 02/08/2015 18:21

Depends if it's all the time. My 10 yr old still pretends he's a baby sometimes - I don't spoon feed him though.

I do belong to a Gentle Parent site but realise it's not for me and have clashed with some of the members over their choice of words they use when talking about CC. They also seem to cry a lot for the poor children of non Gentle parents. Gentle children are all going to be independent, secure, creative, intelligent, kind, etc and obviously all the others will be lucky to survive.

patterkiller · 02/08/2015 18:34

Some people just need to belong to a group thinking they are being part of something better, individual. When actually they are just sheep with the need to label.

Parent as you want but stop putting fucking labels on it.

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 18:35

I think that's not strictly speaking true patter

People have always labelled different things - different genres of music and literature and dance - parenting is not really any different.

I don't massively subscribe to AP but if you don't know how to be a parent (and I didn't) it helps to have a rough guide as it were.

BertrandRussell · 02/08/2015 18:38

Attachment parents are unlikely to spoon feed a baby, let alone a 5 year old!

What's wrong with a 5 year old pretending to be a baby?

Baffledmumtoday · 02/08/2015 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reignbeau · 02/08/2015 18:41

I have a friend who shares a lot of Gentle Parenting stuff on Facebook. It makes me Hmm a lot.

Booboostwo · 02/08/2015 18:47

YABU

What's wrong with a 5 year old pretending to be a baby?
AP usually promotes BLW.
Nothing wrong with co-sleeping either for as long as the child and parents are happy doing it.

UnbelievableBollocks · 02/08/2015 18:49

I have issues with labelling parenting as to be frank, it's all just parenting. So long as your children are fed, clothed, loved and supported then the rest is just noise.

ghostyslovesheep · 02/08/2015 18:51

yabu

unless you are being forced to practice AP what does it matter to you if other people parent differently

unless you wanted to start a bunfight Grin

Mrsjayy · 02/08/2015 18:54

I know parents who dont ap spoonfeed 5yr olds i think you get parents who are a bit ott everywhere really. I have seen a gentle parent group let their kids run riot and not tell them to stop kicking other kids they were the most aggresive bunch of women i have come across and not particularly gentle.

Squigglypig · 02/08/2015 18:58

The spoon feeding the 5 year old might be to do with a child with attachment disorder. We approved to adopt and it was something that came up as done with children who hadn't experienced that as babies to try and build up bonds with later care givers. Perhaps that's what that mother was doing.

RattusRattus · 02/08/2015 19:00

Anyone who labels their parenting is utterly batshit, in my opinion.

^this.

5Foot5 · 02/08/2015 19:05

I don't really know what Attachment Parenting entails and, in any case, it is largely irrelevant to me now anyway since my DD is pretty grown up.

However, the following made me raise my eyebrows:

What is it you see as problematic about the 5yr old being spoon fed, OP?

Seriously? Please someone tell me I am not hopelessly old-fashioned but I would have thought there was something very problematic indeed about a 5 year old who still needed to be spoon fed. Surely, most children of that age should be able to feed themselves more or less successfully with a knife and fork. I am not saying my DD didn't need the occasional help to cut up something tricky at that age, but we had left spoon feeding well behind before she was two.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 02/08/2015 19:10

I think OP said the child was spoonfed rather than needed to be?

If I were going to label my parenting Id say I wa s AP. As with a PP I had no idea how to parent and my options seemed to be broadly Gina Ford or William Sears. William Sears made way more sense.to me personally so I went down that road.

I think in any parenting "genre" you will always find batshit extremists.

Littlecaf · 02/08/2015 19:12

Spot on Kayden

I'm a bitShock at some new mum friends AP style posts on facebook. I know in RL they have a jumperoo, a £300 baby swing, let there toddlers watch the Kardashian and a cupboard full of Ella's Pouches.

pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 19:13

Well, you know, some of us didn't give birth and know what to do and it's better surely to read and educate oneself than muddle through. That's what MN is after all.

Both my own mum and MIL were long dead when I had my first baby - I didn't know 'how' to parent and if that makes me batshit crazy I'm guilty as charged. I had to find my way and I like most of the AP principles. Not to extremes but then I'm not a fan of extreme anything.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 02/08/2015 19:13

Meh. I know LOADS of non attachment parents who do the spoon feeding/baby role play.It's fine.

Mrsfrumble · 02/08/2015 19:14

If it was part of a game; DS wanting to play at being a baby as a "one-off" then I'd happily spoon feed him. It's hard to judge without context, but as far as I know spoon feeding school-aged children is not part of the AP philosophy.

I also have a friend who posts stuff from "Gentle Parenting" websites on Facebook and I do find the tone pretty annoying; like they're defining themselves in opposition to anyone who doesn't call themselves a "gentle parent" and is therefore obviously damaging their children.

BertrandRussell · 02/08/2015 19:17

Spoon feeding is not part of attachment parenting!

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