Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly shocked at Attachment Parenting websites!

86 replies

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 02/08/2015 18:07

I went on one out of sheer curiosity. It's utter madness.

One woman said she spoon feeds her 5 year old DS, and lets him pretend to be a baby!

I'm all for co sleeping up to an age but there comes a point when these kids are being infantilised.

AIBU for being shocked by some of the views/methods? I hadn't heard of AP until very recently!

OP posts:
pinktrufflechoc · 02/08/2015 19:23

I don't think anyone would think that their way was 'better.'

But I didn't have a great childhood and I didn't know how to parent - I needed a way that made sense to me.

I don't get why that bothers anybody?

Seffina · 02/08/2015 19:36

I'm not sure one woman on one website is representative of a whole group of people.

I wouldn't judge the whole of MN on one "LTB".

Littlecaf · 02/08/2015 19:37

Anyone is free to parent how they wish, within normal realms, and that includes AP and more traditional methods. What I object to, and I think the OP does also, is the tone of some of the articles and websites - as if parents who don't AP are somehow harming their child. Parents have enough to feel guilty about without being lectured to by AP fanatics.

littlejohnnydory · 02/08/2015 19:40

Perhaps he needs to pretend to be a baby - because he's feeling insecure, there's been a new baby etc? I'm sure the five year old is able to feed himself and isn't routinely spoon fed at every meal? If not then he has bigger problems than parenting style.

I've seen far more ' infantilising' from non- AP parents - children in buggies til they're school age, dummies in four year olds' mouths, toddlers sucking bottles and fed baby food (hoiks up judgy pants)...I don't know any AP types who spoon feed their babies, let alone children so can only assume you've missed the context.

If I had to define my parenting I'd call it Attachment Parenting - I bf on demand, cosleep, babywear, home educate...but I'm led by my child, not a philosophy.

temperato · 02/08/2015 19:42

I spoonfeed my 4yo when she asks. It's either that or she won't eat at all, so I know which I'd prefer.

She also asks me sometimes to "hold her like a baby" and sing rock a bye baby which I do - it's just a game.

I don't see a problem with either and neither have got anything to do with AP.

temperato · 02/08/2015 19:45

Incidentally I would have considered myself an AP type when DD was younger (BF until 2, baby wore until 18mo, never left to cry, occasionally coslept) but we didn't do BLW so it doesn't always go hand in hand.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2015 19:49

I do attachment caring as a foster carer.

That includes reading bedtime stories, doing skipping and catch, having individual duvets on the couch with hot chocolate and young children's movies - all with children who are mostly teenagers.

I'm child centred. They need it, they get it. They grow up a little slower but by the time they're 18/20 they've pretty much caught up.

I encouraged my SIL to re read the baby stories her 4 year old loves (she doesn't have attachment issues) rather than saying they're too young etc. This helped her move on to using a potty.

You meet the child where it needs it and it can help them cope with the next change.

BlueBananas · 02/08/2015 19:58

Oh dear I usually have to spoon feed my 6 year old
He just doesn't eat otherwise!

imwithspud · 02/08/2015 20:04

Sounds like the extreme end of the spectrum. Afaik spoon feeding isn't part of the 'attachment parenting' philosophy.

Personally I take some aspects of AP and use them in my parenting. But not all AP 'methods' work for me or my children. I don't think I could ever put myself in a box when it comes to parenting.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2015 20:04

I know not all APers or gentle parenters are batshit but some are. I r ad a blog recentl with a woman whose 6/7 yo (NT) had an hour long tantrum because she told him off for crossing the street without waiting for her, he then encouraged his younger sister to hurt the mum which she did, smacking and slapping her, this was all so extreme that a nearby shopkeeper called the police. The mother's response was outrage that they called the police on her and sadness at the lack of understanding of her gentle parenting methods. Because apparently this child gets upset when his agency and skills are questioned and needed to be reassured. For an hour.

I vaguely know this woman and our mutual friends say her DS has always been an absolute handful. He's the same age as mine and I can't imagine my DS ever behaving like that. Because I parent him properly

FuckOffPeppa · 02/08/2015 20:08

My 4yo sometimes wants to be held like a baby when we've visited friends with little babies and she's seen everyone rocking the baby and cooing over them and so on. She wants to be told what she was like when she was a baby, and rocked and we have a nice giggle and a cuddle and then she's back to being a big girl again. This is, as far as I'm concerned, totally normal.

ollieplimsoles · 02/08/2015 20:30

LaurieFairyCake I bet thats lovely for the teens you look after.

TattieHowkerz · 02/08/2015 20:36

Another one whose 4yo loves being spoofed and playing at being a baby!

It is not part of a parenting movement, or philosophy. It is just being a parent-playing, sharing a moment, reminiscing about different stages of childhood. If she needs to have a few moments of being a baby again that so what she gets.

Plus, she is super cute when she makes snuffly baby noises and calls me "Ma-muh"!

grumpysquash · 02/08/2015 22:12

Honest question - what is 'Gentle Parenting'? I have never heard of it despite eldest DC turning 14.
And what is the opposite? Rough parenting?????

flamingoland · 03/08/2015 03:08

"gentle" ... the most ironically named collective group going Grin

angstyaunty · 03/08/2015 03:39

Off the topic a bit, but I've read this a few times on here, what is it about having a jumperoo that makes you not attachment parenty? We babywear, co-sleep, did BLW etc, does the fact that DS had and loved his jumperoo mean we're out of the club?

Imlookingatboats · 03/08/2015 04:11

Anything that gets an international following has the extreme batshit element. Everything from running to yoga to old car restoration.

Imlookingatboats · 03/08/2015 04:12

Angstyaunty: Yes

Primafacie · 03/08/2015 07:37

We gave our old jumperoo to a friend after DS outgrew it. She said it was a lifesaver and nicknamed it 'the Circle of Neglect' :o

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/08/2015 07:42

Because the jumperoo is a containing object away from a parent's body, much like a pram (mobile baby prison - quote from an AP site) or a cot or a playpen. It's cheating and lazy and 'unconscious' parenting (again talking about prams but a real quote)

mathanxiety · 03/08/2015 07:50

'You meet the child where it needs it and it can help them cope with the next change.'

I agree with Laurie. This is what it is about.

jessplussomeonenew · 03/08/2015 07:52

I think, as with most things, it's not what you use but how you do it. I don't think there's any harm in using a jumparoo occasionally for short periods, but sticking a baby in one for hours and ignoring them doesn't seem like good parenting to me.

And OP, whatever website you look at will have weird stuff. I've seen people commenting on other parenting websites about sleep training which involved leaving their small baby to cry until they vomited, then leaving them lying in the vomit to teach them not to... Far worse than spoon feeding at any age imo! But I don't think that is typical of approaches involving sleep training, any more than what you describe is typical of AP parenting.

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 03/08/2015 07:55

Yes totally agree Kayden and worse so so utterly boring.

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 03/08/2015 07:59

angst just a query why on gods earth do you need to be in a parent club or have your choices for your parenting validated by other parents or waste your cash making parenting experts even more money?

Mrsjayy · 03/08/2015 08:00

Gentle parenting is no reward no formal discipline the child learnx o self regulate behaviour or something but the group i know its just rowdy out of control kids with agressive mothers who will eat you alive if you suggest finn might hurt himself and could he get off the table,