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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be utterly shocked at Attachment Parenting websites!

86 replies

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 02/08/2015 18:07

I went on one out of sheer curiosity. It's utter madness.

One woman said she spoon feeds her 5 year old DS, and lets him pretend to be a baby!

I'm all for co sleeping up to an age but there comes a point when these kids are being infantilised.

AIBU for being shocked by some of the views/methods? I hadn't heard of AP until very recently!

OP posts:

RedDaisyRed · 04/08/2015 10:37

We live in a liberal society which allows different ways of handling children. I would never smack a dhilc and have never done anything like time out or punishments and have lovely well behaved adjusted nice children. Other parents who are strict smackers with all kinds of rules might look askance.

Thatsafunnyface · 05/08/2015 01:56

Snapescapes I'm not knocking baby wearing at all. Just curious about the logistics of it. I took have a DS who isn't into cuddles or being carried around either. I just can't figure out from reading about baby wearing if the kid is in a sling/carrier all day long (or just for naps) and if so how do they learn to do anything? Totally love the notion of the "4th trimester" and having baby close to you all the time for the first few months.

FixItUpChappie · 05/08/2015 05:45

Its a bit sad and overhyped to jump on a bandwagon because it's trendy.....but I think it even more sad to be completely dismissive of parenting techniques just because they are "trendy".

There are some absolutely excellent foundational principals and strategies in the AP literature. The foundation of respecting children as individual human-beings and not as second class citizens who should be seen and not heard is indispensable IMO - I say that as a professional who works with children and families.

thatsshallot · 05/08/2015 06:34

Wow, I can't get over that some people are spoon feeding 4/5 year olds else they'll 'fade away'. They won't, you know, but they will end up with an odd relationship with food and knowledge that their ability to restrict food is powerful to you.

Bambambini · 05/08/2015 08:11

Fixitup - but respecting your child and not expecting them to be seen and not heard etc is not exclusive to AP - it's quite normal thinking in modern parenting. Though seems that many AP/GP/UP types think they have it cornered.

duckydinosaur · 05/08/2015 08:21

thatsafunnyface - it depends how old the baby is. When my two were newborns there were in the sling all the time... It actually counts as tummy time. As they got older they would spend less time in the sling. My eldest walked at 11 months and my youngest at 10. Now my youngest is 18 months he actually likes to try and walk every where, but I would babywear him occassionally when he gets too tired. I expect him to be totally out of the sling and walking every where around 2/2.5 like my eldest did. In fact, they are probably more independent then most kids as you often see kids that are more than capable of walking sat in a buggy don't you?

MamaLazarou · 05/08/2015 08:24

thatsafunnyface - slings are generally just used instead of a pushchair in most cases. I just put my son in a sling where you would put your DC in a pushchair. That's all. I don't call it 'babywearing', though: I just call it 'using a sling'.

MamaLazarou · 05/08/2015 08:25

as you often see kids that are more than capable of walking sat in a buggy don't you?

I don't. It Seems a strange judgement to make without knowing anything about the parent or child. How would you know?

teawamutu · 05/08/2015 08:59

I bf, used slings and washable nappies, blw (and was fanatically against added salt and sugar) with ds1. Otoh I did go back to work ft after ten months and he was in his own room from 3 months.

Ds2 was prem and tiny, so I bf, co slept, had him constantly in a sling - but spoon fed to get more calories in, and ditched the washable nappies because I cba. I am a pick and mix parent, thanks to pp for excellent description

I'm not pick and mix on behaviour, though. They have boundaries and one is doing as they're told. They have a set bedtime routine. They're happy, confident boys and I don't think just telling them to brush their teeth as opposed to spending an hour persuading them makes us any less mutually attached. When used by smug extremists it's quite an insulting label, really.

StampyMum · 05/08/2015 09:14

I just have issues with the word "parenting"...

But LaurieFairyCake, I want to come and love in your house.

middlings · 05/08/2015 09:29

SnapesCapes I think AP parents would probably look at you like this for suggesting your child didn't like being cuddled unless on his terms and infer that this was due to you neglecting him horribly as a newborn .

What they would make of my nearly 2 year old DD who regularly shouts "Go VAY Mummy, GO VAY!" if I try and pick her up if she's disturbed in the middle of the night/ get too close when she's having lunch / have the audacity to try and comfort her in the middle of a tantrum is anyone's guess . This is a child who was EBF until she was six months and I continued to BF until she was 1 and loved a bit of co-sleeping until she decided her own bed was comfy at 10 months. So hardly Gina Forded (not that there is anything wrong with that either!!) from birth.

I agree that these labels are unhelpful. I also am of the view that you are naturally attracted to a style that suits you, and your child, anyway so it's never the right way to do something, just right for you.

And also, if one more person on MN said to me "Just put her in a sling" when mine were teeny tinies and I couldn't put them down, I'd have lost my sense of reason. They both hated the bloody things.

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