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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that there is something just not right about this?

83 replies

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 22/07/2015 01:01

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/watch-little-girl-cancer-get-6106856?sm_au=iVVZ1HVHj10sNQrG

Now I'm not saying that there is any nasty intent towards the little girl. No grooming. I'm not criticising the nurse involved or questioning his intentions.

But - I think the message that this is sending is wrong. Little girls don't get married, and certainly not to adult males in positions of power/authority. Is it just me? I just really don't like it.

I understand that she is very very ill and generally I would say that if she asked for the moon on a plate she should be granted it, but to 'get married' to her favourite nurse? Nope, sorry, it just isn't right.

Does anyone agree or am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
Garlick · 22/07/2015 01:05

Yeah, I didn't like it either. Then I decided this is hardly a commonplace occurrence, so what the hell :)

bestguess23 · 22/07/2015 01:05

Definitely over thinking. They were granting a wish to a poorly little girl. I doubt it will scar her or mess up her views. It was just a bit of fun to make a poorly wee girl smile.

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/07/2015 01:06

I loved it. One of the sweetest things I've seen in a while. I do wish people could just appreciate the wonderful things people do without tarring them with cynicism.

ChwatFeechers · 22/07/2015 01:07

No, I just found it sad.

PerspicaciaTick · 22/07/2015 01:08

A play wedding - absolutely fine.
A "proper wedding" (not sure what that even means TBH). - very peculiar.

HowD · 22/07/2015 01:10

I thought it was odd, then thought it best to say nothing as people get very angry about cancer due to their experiences and unresolved grief.

wafflyversatile · 22/07/2015 01:12

I think you're overthinking. Children play make believe all the time. My DB had to marry his pre school DD lots of times when she had a phase of wanting to be a princess marrying a prince. This little girl has cancer so they put a bit more effort into the make believe than you would usually. It was a nice thing to do.

Original poster
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 22/07/2015 01:15

I don't mean to detract from the happiness that the girl got from the experience. I can't express properly why I think it was wrong - it's partly the message that it's giving out - that it's somehow appropriate for the little girl's feelings of adoration (perfectly normal) for her nurse to be turned into adult feelings, resulting in a 'proper wedding'.

Btw, I have cancer myself, so would never in a million years wish to appear insensitive towards people affected by it (not that I would if I wasn't a sufferer, just to show that I have some understanding).

OP posts:
RitaKiaOra · 22/07/2015 01:16

It was a play wedding ffs. She just wanted to dress up and hug her nurse. Given the circumstances it was lovely of them to cheer her up. I am biased as I have a four year old. If she had her way she would be marrying her dad or her brother atm Wink so a sweetheart handsome male nurse would be a step in the right direction....

VerityWaves · 22/07/2015 01:17

What perspicacia said

Suefla62 · 22/07/2015 01:17

I think you're over thinking this. According to the news reports here in the States the poor little thing is on very limited time. I think it's very sweet.

Not that much difference from the "Make a Wish Foundation".

I think they've clouded things on your link be calling it a proper wedding, because everyone knows it isn't.

Original poster
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 22/07/2015 01:18

I think that's possibly the thing too - this wasn't made out to be a play wedding. She wasn't pretending to be Cinderella marrying prince whatever his name - she (believed she) was marrying her actual real life favourite nurse.

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 22/07/2015 01:21

The line between real life and pretend is a lot more fluid when you're 4.

I'm not sure what harm it can possibly have done.

AoifeBell · 22/07/2015 01:23

I didn't like it either! I didn't read the whole thing though it was too weird for me but I can't put my finger on why.

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/07/2015 01:23

that it's somehow appropriate for the little girl's feelings of adoration (perfectly normal) for her nurse to be turned into adult feelings, resulting in a 'proper wedding'.

Well since she's four I highly doubt her feelings of adoration turned into adult feelings. Hmm

I wish people would stop trying to pull apart the lovely thing the staff did and try to make it into something it wasn't.

Icimoi · 22/07/2015 01:26

she (believed she) was marrying her actual real life favourite nurse.

Did she? I can't see enough information in the report to draw that conclusion.

RitaKiaOra · 22/07/2015 01:29

Well, if she's terminally ill, then it might be her only chance to get married, eh? Hmm Disclaimer: I am not remotely pro marriage or big weddings or any of that stuff. But I am not four. My four year old, to my Blush, looks longingly at big bouffant meringue wedding dresses and talks about getting married and having babies. In spite of me getting her a pirate sword, telling her she can be single and does not need kids Grin
If she was dying and said, I wish I could marry "Nurse Nick" and he did that for her, I would be fine with it. The video of my little girl getting "married" would choke me up every time I saw it, as she never reached the age I would see her properly going down the aisle, but I would smile in my grief as for one day, she felt like a bride.

Redglitter · 22/07/2015 01:32

I think people overthink things. It was a lovely thing to do for a very ill child. I can't see any harm in it.

don't know what the Daily Record is calling it a proper wedding for but then that piece of garbage is on a par with the Daily Mail

RitaKiaOra · 22/07/2015 01:33

Also given the fact that there were no vows or anything, apart from walking down the corridor wearing a dress, and the nurse had to say something along the lines of So you're happy to have me as your husband then? No reply, just a hug, cue everyone laughing...I think it's safe to say, the little girl neither has any idea of what marriage constitutes nor any expectations of her "husband". FFS. Hmm

Original poster
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 22/07/2015 01:35

I didn't say her feelings turned into adult feelings. And I'm not taking away from the staff making her happy. I just feel that it's really inappropriate.

I realise it's not a popular view, but I can't help it.

www.yahoo.com/parenting/girl-with-cancer-4-marries-her-favorite-124606400377.html

This link has a bit more info, and suggests that the girl might have viewed it as an actual wedding. But I don't know if that's even the point I'm making. I just don't think that little girls (or boys) should be 'marrying' adults. Sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 22/07/2015 01:39

And I don't for a minute think that she has any concept of an actual wedding or expectations of her husband Hmm. I was just meaning the difference between getting 'married' as princess Anna and Christoph, vs little Jess marrying nurse Mike.

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 22/07/2015 01:40

So what is inappropriate in your eyes? Do you not think that a child in suffering and pain should have some fun? Something to make her happy? The poor wee soul adores her nurse and wanted to 'marry' him. They let her 'marry' him. Would you prefer if they had said to her 'No, we can't allow you to have a pretend wedding because it is inappropriate?' Even though there was nothing inappropriate and she is too young to understand that marriage is a real thing, not just a pretty white dress and cuddling someone?

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/07/2015 01:43

I actually hate the constant need to find fault on mumsnet. I rarely say it but this thread has made me. What is actually wrong with what happened? A young child in pain had 5 minutes of fun and the gentleman who has helped cared for her and she has grown attached to was the person she liked best. That is literally it.

Original poster
WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 22/07/2015 01:47

I'm not sure. It might be the situation surrounding the act, rather than the act itself, if that makes any sense.

I may have dealt with it by saying "nurse X already has a pretty wife, and anyway, little girls don't get married, but why don't we make nurse X a lovely card to show him how much you like him and thank him for taking such good care of you, and we can have a fun teddy bears picnic with him, with balloons and streamers"? I don't know, I'm just thinking off the top of my head, but my initial reaction to the article was unease.

(And I agree, btw, the daily record is a total rag, I really need to find another Scottish news feed for Facebook to keep up from Australia)

OP posts:
Zillie77 · 22/07/2015 01:48

It looked to me like a bit of fun for a sweet little girl and the male nurse behaved very appropriately, like a kindly friend might.

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