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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Had puppy 4 days......overwhelmed.

88 replies

Eliza22 · 14/07/2015 08:44

Does this happen? I feel overwhelmed.

Story...

My son is 14 and has autism and OCD. He has no friends despite many many efforts. He is high functioning. We've had his name on a list for an autism assistance dog for years but he's now too old for the list. A year ago, we sourced a breeder and decided to get him the doggy companion ourselves. So far so good. Two litters went by....no bitch for us until now.

The pup is beautiful. Full of energy but very clever, as these Goldens are! But, my son is tearful and upset (and so am I) because we have a beloved cat who is 7. She has taken the dog very, very badly. Last night, my son came to me in tears saying "I miss Tallulah (the cat), I want the dog to go away if we are going to lose Tallulah".

I should add....I'm 53 and menopausally emotional at the best of times. Have I made a massive mistake? We've had the idea of a golden retriever companion for our son for so so long, what HAVE I done?! I feel like ringing the breeder and saying keep the cash....I've made a mistake.

Help!

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 14/07/2015 08:47

Did you not consider the effect it would have on the poor cat before you bought it?

Poor puppy

ThePhoenixRising · 14/07/2015 08:48

The cat will get used to the dog. My cats were furious when we got a goldie. Best friends now.

nicoleshitzinger · 14/07/2015 08:52

Have pm'd you.

I had a touch of PND when we got our labrador. Just very unsettled and a bit shocked by how different the house felt, and what a responsibility it was caring for her.

I'm sure things will settle down. Give it a few weeks for all of you! Getting a puppy is a bit like having a new baby - everyone's lives turned upside down for a bit. It's hard but it goes with the territory.

AreYouThinkingWhatImThinking · 14/07/2015 08:54

It's only been 4 days, don't panic just yet... when I moved in with my OH we had to mix my cat with his dog. They hated each other at first. There was a few weeks of the cat hissing, and the dog barking...But they got used to each other and eventually we'd find them both huddled up together in front of the fire...

It's a new and big change which will be particularly upsetting for your son. But it could change and ultimately make him very happy

Stick with it a bit longer

Lurkedforever1 · 14/07/2015 08:58

Yabu to have taken on an animal without considering the full impact on the household and the practicalities. But I realise your reasons weren't just 'pfb wants a puppy cos they're cute' so I have a degree of sympathy for you too.

SoupDragon · 14/07/2015 08:58

The cat will get used to the dog. It takes a while but they get there. Make sure the cat has somewhere to escape to that the dog can't get to.

CiderwithBuda · 14/07/2015 09:06

I felt the same with our first pup. Felt totally overwhelmed and depressed. I got slated on here once for saying it was a bit like PND but my sis (who had had PND three times reckoned it was what it sounded like).

It will get better. The cat will get used to the interloper. The pup will become less demanding quite quickly. Do some puppy training classes. We couldn't as were overseas and I couldn't find any in English.

We got a second dog as I felt guilty I wasn't interacting with the first one. First lab is very placid. Second one is hyperactive! She seems to think she is a kangaroo. Very bouncy! But very cute.

I hope it helps your DS.

HemanOrSheRa · 14/07/2015 09:08

The cat will get used to the puppy. Just give her a bit of time. When we got our puppy I went through the same thing of 'What have we done??!!' It was like a bomb had gone off for the first couple of weeks. I can remember being close to tears over the first weekend - it was absolute chaos! Much, much worse than having a baby! At least a newborn stays where you put it!

Our dog is 6 now and gets on famously with the cat.

Moodykat · 14/07/2015 09:14

We had a similar experience. We knew Cat was not going to be happy with puppy. In fact, I was not happy with puppy! And smallest DS (3) who was desperate for puppy, did not want puppy after about 3 days.

We have had her 8 weeks or so now and she is wonderful, really settling down. She is still a monkey, and still nips occasionally, but house training is now nailed and best of all, she and Cat are now mates. The cat gave her a few good swipes and respect was established!

Give it time, it will get better! Could you utilise some baby gates to let the cat have some dog-free space in the house? Our cat was very chuffed that she could jump over the gate and was the only pet allowed access to the bedrooms!

maybebabybee · 14/07/2015 09:19

Your cat will get used to the dog. In all likelihood the cat will end up absolutely ruling the roost with the dog - she will put him in his place! Our cats were terrified of our labby when we first got him (think completely refused to come out from under the bed for about a week) and now the poor thing is bottom of the pecking order, the cats run rings round him.

I second giving the cat some dog-free space in the house. Make sure you restrain the dog around the cat and don't let him jump up or bark at her.

twentyten · 14/07/2015 09:21

Second baby gates. Puppies are v hard work- but will be worth it. Hang on in there.

Dawndonnaagain · 14/07/2015 09:25

It took our elderly dog two weeks to get used to our (very) bouncy puppy. Give it time, the cat will come round and let the puppy know who is in charge.

Shouldof · 14/07/2015 09:41

4 days in is enormously stressful with new pup.

When we got a puppy and already had cats we got a gate across the kitchen diner (where the cat flap is) so the cats have a room, with access to outside that the puppy can't get in, but an get over the cat and access the rest ofthehouseifthey wish to. This works perfectly, one doesn't venture over the gate, the other comes to say hello to pup sometimes.

Is this an option for you?

Shouldof · 14/07/2015 09:42

Didn't rtft, I see ,y advise has already been given. As you were.

code · 14/07/2015 09:45

As others have said, the cat will soon learn to dominate the dog, just make sure the cat can get away from it (high up places) and separate them at night. The pup will settle in, they are all hard work at first.

19lottie82 · 14/07/2015 09:47

The cat will get used to the dog. It would be acting the same if you'd brought another cat in to the home.

Shouldof · 14/07/2015 09:51

Agree with lottie, my cats are being better about the puppy than they were about my children!

sebsmummy1 · 14/07/2015 09:57

First of all please don't be upset by any of the more gruff posts on your thread.

I can totally see why you are in the predicament you are, you are feeling overwhelmed and as though you have made a mistake - totally understandable. Are you coping ok with the puppy itself, is it just the cat's response that's upsetting you because it's upset your son? Cats will generally go off in a huff when you introduce new animals, it's what they do. Mine always came back though and eventually everything settled down once the new pecking order was found.

Deeperdown · 14/07/2015 09:59

My friend sat and cried about a week in after getting their pup. No sleep, wee and poo everywhere , everything chewed.
She loves him now.

BlinkAndMiss · 14/07/2015 10:01

Yep - baby gates, clear boundaries and lots of patience. The cat will get used to the dog and it will all settle down soon. Dogs, and cats, are amazing companions so don't give up just yet. I found adjusting to our puppy almost as hard as adjusting to our newborn, I think a lot of people underestimate what a life changing situation it can be. Totally worth it though.

catsrus · 14/07/2015 10:07

Echo everything said - don't panic, give the cat safe spaces - baby gates are great - and try feeding them within sight of each other - one on each side of the gate - the puppy will be far more interested in food than the cat. You just need to find ways of getting them used to each other. My retriever was in full bounce mode this morning and harassed the cat who just stood her ground and swiped him then wandered off in a huff. Other times they do a very sweet nose to nose greeting.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 14/07/2015 10:07

The find a way to co exist. Our cat went awol for a while when we got our dog. Now the dog is down stairs and the cat mostly stays upstairs. They cross paths every now and again. Cat came downstairs for food yesterday and the dog sniffed his tail. Ooooh the look the cat gave the dog before sauntering upstairs in disgust

Panicmode1 · 14/07/2015 10:11

I'm 8 months into golden retriever ownership (first puppy/dog, four V keen children) and it's only about now that I'm starting to enjoy it - although I still have days where she's the "bloody dog" more than her name!!

Give yourself some time - it's VERY hard work with a puppy and four days is nothing....I don't have cats so have no advice on how to settle them together, but I'm sure it will be fine!

goshhhhhh · 14/07/2015 10:11

We have two cats & our puppy is 10 mths & it is getting easier. Having a puppy was far harder than we imagined. It's like having a baby & toddler rolled into one. Go on the dog house - there is lots of advice there and also get enrolled in a puppy class. Our puppy trainer came for a home visit before he could go out and it was very helpful to us ( we are novices)

PurpleSwift · 14/07/2015 10:12

4 days is not long enough for them to settle with each other. It'll get better as the weeks go by. One day they might even be friends!

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