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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Had puppy 4 days......overwhelmed.

88 replies

Eliza22 · 14/07/2015 08:44

Does this happen? I feel overwhelmed.

Story...

My son is 14 and has autism and OCD. He has no friends despite many many efforts. He is high functioning. We've had his name on a list for an autism assistance dog for years but he's now too old for the list. A year ago, we sourced a breeder and decided to get him the doggy companion ourselves. So far so good. Two litters went by....no bitch for us until now.

The pup is beautiful. Full of energy but very clever, as these Goldens are! But, my son is tearful and upset (and so am I) because we have a beloved cat who is 7. She has taken the dog very, very badly. Last night, my son came to me in tears saying "I miss Tallulah (the cat), I want the dog to go away if we are going to lose Tallulah".

I should add....I'm 53 and menopausally emotional at the best of times. Have I made a massive mistake? We've had the idea of a golden retriever companion for our son for so so long, what HAVE I done?! I feel like ringing the breeder and saying keep the cash....I've made a mistake.

Help!

OP posts:
VeganCow · 17/07/2015 14:01

It wont last, honestly. Its the right time of year for toilet training. Leave the back door open all the time so she has access to outside. put her out every half hour Say a command like ' go toilet' or whatever , every time you put her out and if she does, give her a treat immediately (have one ready every time you put her out). If you catch her peeing idoors dont chastise, just say no and pick her up and put her out, and say' go toilet' again. It will happen.

Keletubbie · 17/07/2015 14:04

I know it's probably not the right thing to say... but the cat won't necessarily settle.

I pissed my cat off and he moved a few streets away - this was about 8 years ago. I still see the old fella from time to time, and I swear he gives me the feline equivelant of the finger.

Topseyt · 17/07/2015 14:54

Do you have a dog crate? Dogs and puppies tend to often find them safe and peaceful havens and they help enormously with house training because dogs usually hate soiling their dens.

My lab as a pup would actively choose to sleep in his crate. When he woke up I would whisk him straight outside and he would then empty his tanks.

When you clean up wee indoors remember to do so without bleach or other ammonia based cleaner. It smells like urine to dogs and can tempt them back to use that area again. Either Simple Solution from vets or some pet shops, or mix your own using a generous dose of biological washing powder in a few inches of water.

If it was a carpeted area, scrub the carpet on top, then lift it and do the same to the backing and underlay. We humans might think it is clean and no longer smells, but a dog's nose is vastly more sensitive and will detect the most minute particle, drawing them back to toilet again in that spot.

FWIW, I think you are doing really well. Put up a stair gate so that the cat has somewhere to easily escape to. Keep it shut so dog cannot follow cat. Cat will usually vault over it, but most dogs don't bother.

They will get used to it. The encouraging thing is that cat has not moved out.

It really is just a time thing. It can be managed to an extent, but not rushed.

averylongtimeago · 17/07/2015 15:20

www.facebook.com/notes/dog-training-advice-and-support/toilet-training/375413655807531
This is toilet training 101 - all you need to know!

It should also link to a very useful dog training FB group.

Hope it helps!

Original poster
Eliza22 · 17/07/2015 16:34

Yes, have a stair gate. To be honest, ds came home today and wouldn't acknowledge her and I'm worn out entertaining her, because I'm a one man show

OP posts:
BrendaBlackhead · 17/07/2015 16:46

I think if you do decide to keep the dog, Eliza, she will be your assistance dog! When my dcs have been awful (I have a somewhat trying tweenager) I know I have a furry companion who adores me. But I do feel for you, it must feel like you've gone and landed yourself with a load of extra stress that isn't going to get better for quite a while.

dogood · 17/07/2015 16:47

Too right the cat is upset. She is saying "how very dare you bring another into this house" She is 7 and has only had you and your family and now there is another member to contend with. It is no different if you bring a new dog into a home when you already have a dog. They will either love each other immediately or take time to adjust. Your little puppy is just that a puppy, like a small child, wanting to get into everything. Your cat is a graceful lady who does not want to have a nuisance under her nose :) I would give it time, let nature take its course and let them find there own way. It hasn't been long enough for any of you to adjust, never mind the cat. Just think if all of a sudden another human moved into to you home without your permission but you had to lump it and get used to it, would you be happy, initially :) They will learn to live with each other and to respect each others space. :) Good Luck

Dieu · 17/07/2015 17:04

Aww, bless you and your son OP. I too am on Day 4 of puppy owning, and I too have a cat. Maybe we can keep each other sane! I have been on my own since picking up pup, as my children are on holiday with their dad, and I can't wait for them to come home and share the love a bit. It's bloody intense here! No matter how tired my tiny Shih Tzu is, he will drag his chunky, weary little body after me whenever I leave the room. Today I left him for the first time to go out for lunch, and I felt as jubilant and liberated as a mum leaving her new baby for a couple of hours! I adore him though, he's to die for and the cutest thing I've ever clapped eyes on. Our cat is tolerating the situation, but I tell you now that he won't ever be friends with a dog. He's far too much of a whiney old grump and, much as we love him, is more high maintenance than any pup! I chose the Shih Tzu because of their willingness to get on with other animals/children, but tolerance is all I can expect from the cat and anything more will be a bonus. Stick with it OP, it will get better and your son will love the dog in the end (you have done the best thing for him in the long run). The cat will be okay too and will get used to the situation, because she pretty much has to. Good luck.

Original poster
Eliza22 · 17/07/2015 17:15

Exactly....I was out at M&S food for 40 mins and I felt really tense having abandoned her! We have a small house too (having extension in March 2016) so, it's tough (not the dog's fault!). I suppose if there was someone else to entertain her or give her a little attention in stead of just me, it's help but that's not happening.

Thanks everyone! x

OP posts:
sonjadog · 17/07/2015 17:18

Is you puppy napping? When my puppies have been small, they have had nap time. They go in their crate, I put a towel over it so it is dark, and then they go to sleep for an hour. Puppies get overtired and manic, like small children can. After a nap they are refreshment and much more manageable.

sonjadog · 17/07/2015 17:20

Also, you don't need to entertain her all the time. If you do that, you will train her to expect it. Make sure she is in a safe space, give her something she would like to play with or chew, and then leave her to it.

Dieu · 17/07/2015 17:24

Och OP, I could just give you a wee hug! If by any chance you're in Edinburgh, let me know and I will help. Honestly though, it will get better ... it just has to get worse first, if you know what I mean! x

Original poster
Eliza22 · 17/07/2015 17:31

Lovely ladies! (Assuming you ARE all ladies Smile. Nope, I'm in South Cheshire.

OP posts:
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