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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About MIL and school report

83 replies

Efferlunt · 08/07/2015 20:55

So MIL pops round to drop something off today as arranged, we are at work but our nanny makes her a coffee and has a quick chat. School report for DS (5) is on kitchen table. According to note left for us by nanny MIL has had a quick read and askes nanny to ask us for photocopy so she can have a proper read later.
AIBU to think this is not okay? I would have been happy to discuss the report with her in general terms but wouldn't necessarily have wanted her reading it because she has form for over-involving herself in our lives and because I know she will now be discussing the report with everyone she comes into contact with for the next few days, including people we know.

But maybe this is a normal thing for grandparents to do?

OP posts:
FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 08/07/2015 20:56

Not at all normal imo.

RandomMess · 08/07/2015 20:58

A photocopy - she's nuts, complete over involvement IMHO

tumbletumble · 08/07/2015 20:58

I'd be happy for my mum or my MIL to do this (maybe not ask for a copy). But I would trust them both NOT to mention it to anyone else.

Castleonacloud · 08/07/2015 20:59

Bit too much in my opinion, as in photocopying...

Icimoi · 08/07/2015 20:59

Did your nanny give her a copy? If so, tell her not to give MIL any copies of anything without checking with you in future.

ollieplimsoles · 08/07/2015 21:00

Overstepping massively... Did you leave it out for your mil to look at though?

junebirthdaygirl · 08/07/2015 21:00

Totally out of order. Shouldn't have read it when you weren't there. Asking for a copy is just bonkers.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/07/2015 21:00

Normal for her to be proud and boastful of her grandkids.

Sweet that she wants a copy to treasure.

MILs cant do right for fucking wrong.

missingmumxox · 08/07/2015 21:01

Not normal but at least she asked I suppose, if she was tech savvy she would just have taken a photo or 2 on her phone

Lateswim16 · 08/07/2015 21:02

Of course that's not ok. She read a private report not addressed to her. Would she read a letter you had left on your kitchen table how bloody rude.

Bet the nanny was gobsmacked?

Don't even think of ohotocopying it.

Lateswim16 · 08/07/2015 21:03

Think stbmil and wouldn't dream of doing anything like this.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 08/07/2015 21:05

I'm not sure I see what the problem is? Was it a bad report? What is the harm in her telling some of her friends about her grandchild?

Original poster
Efferlunt · 08/07/2015 21:06

Glad it's not just me. DH didn't see it as an issue intially until I asked him if he'd be happy with her rummaging through our bank statements if they'd been on the table. I get that she's interested in kids development and wants to know these things. It's the not asking I find unacceptable.

OP posts:
LooksLikeImStuckHere · 08/07/2015 21:07

Fair enough, she should have asked if she could read it first.

OpalQuartz · 08/07/2015 21:08

Yanbu

Donthate · 08/07/2015 21:08

both sets of grandparents read the reports here, he's 5 not 15, asking for a copy is a bit different but she's just interested.

DJThreeDog · 08/07/2015 21:08

I think it's normal, bar the asking for a copy!

I would offer my kids' reports around for my mum or dad to read, I would also for DHs parents.

What's the harm?

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 08/07/2015 21:09

i ask my parents if they want to read the report. they read it. declare how their grandkids are the brainiest children ever born and go away with a big smile on their face. Can't see the problem.

Photocopying it is a bit odd but assume that's because she knows you won't let her see these things and wants to treasure it

maddening · 08/07/2015 21:11

With a normal fmil I would have have happily done this but I don't think you are dealing with "normal" - unfortunately your mil does not appreciate her past behaviour was unreasonable and that such behaviour will affect how much people want to share their lives with her - she is a fool as the very thing she craves (involvement in your life as mother of your Dh) is ruined because of her own behaviour - unfortunately it would take a lot of pain all round for her to ever understand that.

Sallystyle · 08/07/2015 21:12

My MIL loves reading their reports, so do my mum.

I am not sure if they would pick it up and read it without asking me first, but if they did I wouldn't care. It's hardly confidential information is it?

Sallystyle · 08/07/2015 21:13

Important confidential information*

Original poster
Efferlunt · 08/07/2015 21:13

I'd left it on the table as I wanted the nanny to read it she's and ex-primary teacher and supports DS with homework etc. she's my employee and will keep it confidential. IT hadn't occurred to me that MIL would read it. I'm annoyed with her about some other things so just wanted to sense check if I wbu to be cross about this or not.

OP posts:
ASettlerOfCatan · 08/07/2015 21:13

Same as buildyourownsnowman.I ask both sets of parents if they want to read it. They read it. They say how great the kids are. They leave.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 08/07/2015 21:16

But why does a 5 year old's report need to be kept confidential from their grandmother?

Obviously without knowing all the history between you it's a little harder to judge the situation.

Original poster
Efferlunt · 08/07/2015 21:16

It had never occurred to me to prevent her reading it. I hadn't given it any thought at all until I found out that she'd read it today.

OP posts: