About MIL and school report

[Efferlunt]

So MIL pops round to drop something off today as arranged, we are at work but our nanny makes her a coffee and has a quick chat. School report for DS (5) is on kitchen table. According to note left for us by nanny MIL has had a quick read and askes nanny to ask us for photocopy so she can have a proper read later.
AIBU to think this is not okay? I would have been happy to discuss the report with her in general terms but wouldn't necessarily have wanted her reading it because she has form for over-involving herself in our lives and because I know she will now be discussing the report with everyone she comes into contact with for the next few days, including people we know.

But maybe this is a normal thing for grandparents to do?

Bit weird. Her asking the nanny to copy it sounds like she feels she has a right to see it, which is very different than it being offered. Part of a bigger picture of over involvement and control maybe? If there are other examples of this YANBU.

I definitely see the report as belonging to the child. I see their learning as theirs and not mine. My five year old has read her report but it didn't have any outcomes, grades or levels in it, just general feedback. I'm not sure I'd have let her read it if it was full of assessment or if there was anything negative in it.

She should not have read it, let alone asked for a copy. My reports were confidential to me and DPs - I don't think my DSis knew about them, and I certainly never saw or heard about hers - and perhaps that is why I never showed DS's to my family or DW's. A bit of word-of-mouth boasting, perhaps, but never, ever a sight of the document itself.

I would not bat an eyelid at handing it out to every member of my family, IL included. They would never have read it uninvited though, that is wrong. Does she read your doctor's letter, too? Bank statement? Massive invasion of privacy, especially if you cannot trust her to be discrete afterwards, so in your case I wouldn't hand it to her and make sure to hide it next year.

I don't understand the big deal. Those reports are lengthy & full of bland waffle.

We read DD's reports first. Then we let her read them. Then we show them to the GPs the next time they come round to visit. Not a big issue..

My MIL would have done the same kind of thing (photocopy may be a step too far though) - it didn't bother me to start with, but that was before I realised that she would then discuss it with others and start making comparisons with the other GC. Now we don't show MIL or FIL anything like that or give them any specific information.

FIL is worse though. He ranked all the GC (our children and SILs) in order of academic ability when they started school, in front of one of them. I was fuming! Unsurprisingly, the order directly corresponded to their age when they started school - so the one who was almost five was 'more able' than the one who had just turned four when they started school. Bizarrely, he still likes to talk in sad way about how his parents made him constantly comparing him to his younger, more academic, brother. So, they carried it on with DH and SIL and attempted to do with the GC too (no!).

YANBU. This is the sort of thing my mother would do, and it is why she is now kept at a distance whenever possible. She would excuse this as just being interested in how her own grandchild was doing at school, but would also have no problem with reading my bank statements and other post (and has done so) then spreading gossip like your MIL did.