To Miss This Because My Child Needs a Nap?

[DimpleHands]

SiL is christening her baby soon. It is a late morning service followed by lunch at their house. They live about 1.5 hours away from us.

DS (2.6) still naps between 1-3pm, so I have said I won't go as I will stay at home to look after him but DH will of course go.

This hasn't gone down very well - they said DS could sleep in their house and have asked me to reconsider. I think part of the issue is that SiL thinks I don't see enough of them generally.

The thing is I doubt DS WILL sleep in a strange place (I don't even know if there will be a cot for him) and as lunch is in the garden I wouldn't be able to hear him on a monitor. He just looks so sad when he is tired and gets upset - it seems so unfair to break his routine. He also has autism so doesn't really understand things very well - i.e. he wouldn't understand if I told him we would be out in the garden/that we could go home soon.

AIBU? Should I go and just hope that DS will sleep/put up with the fact that he will get upset because he is tired?

Wow. YABU.

And uptight and inflexible and precious and rude.

Lemme guess, he's your first right?

Would he nap in a buggy, you could take him for a walk away from everyone until he falls asleep?

Babysitter, maybe?

I would go. If DS doesn't sleep, its not the end of the world. He'll sleep in the car on the way home. Or you could take him for a walk in the pushchair to get him to sleep.

You're being ridiculously precious and unreasonable.

You aren't making a family christening because your darling boy must have his nap where & when he wants it.

I'd be pissed off at you too.

I was unaware you can get an autism diagnosis aged 2 1/2?

I was going to say YABU and most kids have to break their routine occasionally while 'life' happens.

But then I saw he's autistic and I don't know anything about autistic 2.6yr olds, so I don't know really.

Hopefully someone with experience can help.

If he cannot manage the day because of his autism that is one thing.

Not going for a nap routine is crazy!

I think the autism thing does change things a bit.

But would he not sleep in the car? Would missing a nap cause him issues beyond maybe needing an earlier night?

I was going to say yabtotallyu but then you said he's autistic (is it really diagnosed so young?)

For my two year olds I would definitely have gone. Take a buggy / carry cot or let him sleep in the car on the way there or back. He'll enjoy it.

It does seem very precious. Sorry, YABU.

Oh, can you not get a diagnosis that young?

Very harsh Nomi . OP under the circumstances and given that your DS had autism, I think YANBU. My friend's little boy is the same age and has autism, and missing a nap can distress him for a week or so afterwards.

He is 2.6 years not 0.6. I understand he has autism and is in a routine but if he starts being exposed to little changes in routine now he may accept them as he gets older. You don't want him to be starting nursery with no glimmer of flexibility in his routine. I would go and find a quiet place for him to nap at SIL's house. At his age he doesn't need a cot.

Could you take him for a walk in pushchair or a drive so he has a nap? He Def won't sleep in a travel cot? Could you take a moniter?

The autism complicates things, tired toddlers can be a nightmare but you are asking for meltdowns if you disrupt his usual routine given he has autism.

I do think you should really try to go, at least to the christening and then if he gets too tired drive home and he can sleep in yhe car?

YANBU, my ASD toddler can't handle being over tired it sets off a whole raft of other problems.

Utterly precious. Totally unreasonable.

YABU. I'm sorry but there are 'life events' it's important to make an attendance a where possible.

I would go and if your son gets very upset then leave. It will be important for him later in life to have strong family connections. One day of tiredness that he won't remember really doesn't compare to family bonds. BUT if you are struggling and the routine keeps your sanity then don't go and just try to explain how hard you are finding things.

At that age my kids would have slept in the car, and had another nap in the buggy if they needed it later.

But you know your own toddler OP.

My son is two and a half and doesn't understand everything I tell him either? Nursery/childminder/HV all say he is reaching milestones so unsure how that can be solely attributed to autism? He is a toddler still learning. You sound precious tbh. I have friends that cut short social activities so their 3yr old can nap, and a lot of people take the piss.

YABU - autism does make you slightly less unreasonable but being so rigid about nap time is ridiculous. What's the worst that will happen if he doesn't sleep?

If you have a second child you're not going to be able to drag the first one home every lunch time so the baby can nap. Will ds sleep in the car? Sling? Pushchair? Travel cot? A spare bed?

Oh and don't take offence to people calling you uptight etc. They aren't exactly covering themselves in glory being so nasty. Discount and move on.

I would be fuming if my SIL and nephew missed my child's christening over a nap. Absolutely fuming. You wouldn't be invited to anything else. Yabvvvu