to let DD dye her hair?

[Tinklewinkle]

Amongst other things

DD (13, about to turn 14) dyed her hair at the weekend. A fairly nondescript semi-perm light brown and posted a pic of herself on Facebook

We don't live near the inlaws, but they've obviously seen the pic on FB and last night MiL felt the need to phone DH to tells us how we're going wrong as she's worried about DD. If we're not careful DD will end up "pregnant by the time she's 16" if we don't start being stricter with her and "all the family agree"

I think MiL is being ridiculous, but she has made me wonder. DD is, on the whole, a decent kid. She has her moments, but is generally nice, polite, kind, behaves and works hard at school. I've always picked my battles and things like hair, clothes, make up, etc have never been on my list of things to get het up about, but perhaps we are a bit free and easy with her.

I never feel entirely confident in my parenting choices, the older they get the harder I find it.

Yabu.

Hair dye is a known leading factor in the rise of teenage pregnancy.

Everybody knows this.

Hahaha! Your mil sounds like a hoot!

Your MIL is being ridiculous, YANBU

Hair dye is not a precursor to bad behaviour. At all.

I first dyed my hair at 12. Didn't have a child until 31.

Tell those nosey bastards to fuck off.

She just makes me feel, I don't know, like I'm always wrong.

She's like, well, if you let her dye her hair at 13, what will she want to do at 15?

She has a mobile phone at 13? what next, will you buy her a Ferrari for her 18th?

I think she's ridiculous about the hair dye, obviously, but it's that general "you're too permissive"

I graduated from Oxford with jet black hair with bright red stripes. No babies until I was 33. Your MIL is a fucking idiot. Tell her to mind her own bloody business.

Hmmmm. My hair is dyed and I am pregnant...maybe there's something in this.

Seriously with the holidays coming up I'd be tempted to dye her hair blue or fire engine red after that comment. I am a childish twat though :D

Yanbu. Shes your child and at an experimental age. I did the same at her age, first baby at 27 after marriage

She needs to have some control at this age or she'll rebel.

Hairstyle is really not something to get worked up about. It's the best ever way for teenagers to reinvent themselves and feel all radical and edgy, without actually doing anything dangerous, permanent or illegal.

Tell them she's planning to shave it all off for charity...

oh I could have sooooo much fun pushing your in laws' buttons

Be warned.

I let my DD dye her hair when she was 12, and a poster on here told me she'd never be a barrister

Some people are proper twats aren't they noel Mind you, I'm not a barrister. Maybe it's because I dyed my hair. Not because I never had any interest in becoming one.

How funny Noel!

I actually know a male barrister, who at university, had 5 inch long peroxide bleached hair that he stuck up like a electrocuted Sid Vicious.

Thanks!

I don't think it was all just about the hair dye. It was our attitude to the hair dye that she had issue with if you see what I mean.

I really don't care if DD dyes her hair, so long as it's within her high school's rules on no mad colours, then it's all good. I am not going to get involved in a never ending argument with a 13 year old over what she does with her own hair

MiL sees it all as too much, too young. She thinks we never say no to DD (we do) and DD will just keep pushing and pushing for more.

MiL has this knack of making me feel like I'm wrong and it pisses me off that I allow her to do it

She has no interest in being a bloody barrister anyway. She wants to be a pilot. I don't think they have adolescent hair colour rules

What fucking business of your MILs is it? She raised your DH. Her job is done.

Sorry x post

Sometimes it's best not to let the grandparents have too much access to the details of the lives of our 'young people'! Generation gap innit.

I sympathise. My MIL disapproves of my DD too - goes out drinking, puts up photos of herself pulling faces etc. MIL has been known to comment unfavourably on FB!

Could your DD hide her FB stuff from her gran perhaps?

I am grumpy at your MIL btw OP, not you. You sound like you're doing a good job. Teenagers are a bit like toddlers I think, far less likely to have a tantrum if they feel in control of their lives a bit.

Dying hair is how babies are made!!!

Hmmmm. My hair is dyed and I am pregnant...maybe there's something in this.

Shit. I've just dyed my hair. I don't want another baby!

Ffs it's her hair. Worst case scenario it's a disaster and she has to wait for the natural colour to grow back.

I'm so confused - I haven't dyed my hair in ages and yet I'm eight and a half weeks pregnant! ;)

Your MIL is a total fruit loop - do ignore her, most teen girls that age are experimenting with dyeing their hair, it's completely normal in my opinion. (And I teach a lot of lovely teen girls with dyed hair - incidentally who are not pregnant!)

My granny thought same thing about me. Married 9 yrs and first baby at 33. Finished school, uni etc etc.

Conversely I had a friend who had very strict parents, very limited freedom. Completely went off rails when he got to uni - alcohol, drugs, gambling.

If you give some freedoms your child will have the independence the crave at this age. Good communication, family time, good sexual health education, positive relationship role models, self-esteem, hobbies and interests THESE are the things that stop teen pregnancy.