to let DD dye her hair?

[Tinklewinkle]

Amongst other things

DD (13, about to turn 14) dyed her hair at the weekend. A fairly nondescript semi-perm light brown and posted a pic of herself on Facebook

We don't live near the inlaws, but they've obviously seen the pic on FB and last night MiL felt the need to phone DH to tells us how we're going wrong as she's worried about DD. If we're not careful DD will end up "pregnant by the time she's 16" if we don't start being stricter with her and "all the family agree"

I think MiL is being ridiculous, but she has made me wonder. DD is, on the whole, a decent kid. She has her moments, but is generally nice, polite, kind, behaves and works hard at school. I've always picked my battles and things like hair, clothes, make up, etc have never been on my list of things to get het up about, but perhaps we are a bit free and easy with her.

I never feel entirely confident in my parenting choices, the older they get the harder I find it.

I dye my hair to cover the grey ... Didn't know it had the added benefit of delaying menopause - double win!
Your mil is an ass x

Dying hair is how babies are made!!! see this is where I went wrong I thought it was holding hands made babies.

I started dying my hair at 13/14 and didn't have my first until I was 38.

Pretty sure I died my hair younger than that, had my nose pierced at 14 and managed to not have a baby until I was 23!

Your MIL needs to get a grip and but out tbh.

That's hilarious but some of my family members said the same about me at that age, I dyed my hair and at 14 got my nose pierced, one uncle said I looked like a tart, my dad went mental!

Fwiw I did pregnant at 19,, still finished my degree and dh and I are still together seventeen years later.

It's the ingredients they use in the boxed dyes nowadays. Impregnates wild hair dying teens. I'm forever changing my hair colour, probably the reason I'm now pregnant with DD4.

She has a point

Tinkle I suppose there are three possible strategies for dealing with your MIL:

remind her that she's your DD and you reserve the right to parent her in the way you and your DH think is in her best interests. You could add that she need not fear that your DH and you will make mistakes as her DH has been well brought-up with good judgement.

Pretend to take her advice by thanking her for saying and telling her you'll bear her advice in mind. (But do your own thing)

Attempt to discuss her fears with her. Ask her why she thinks the way she does and attempt to allay her fears by explaining how times have changed.

My sympathies - it's so tiresome having an interfering MIL.

I had purple hair from the age of 16 onwards. Shockingly I also managed to get a PhD from a RG uni and didn't have kids until I was 29. Perhaps reassure your MIL that hair dye does not contain sperm?

Funnily enough, I've just organised for my friend to come and dye the tips of my 12 year olds hair. I am obviously and atrocious mother!

In all seriousness though, what your MIL says doesn't matter. Do you really respect her judgement that much? And if she lives far away then who cares what she thinks?

If I were you I'd either, stop answering he calls or get DH to speak to her from now on. Failing that I'd just humour her and mmm, uh hu and yes at the right moments in the conversation.

I would wind your mil up, put coloured streaks in it over the summer holidays (clip in ones if you don't want to dye it mad colours) and see her face then!!

I started using Toners and Shaders in year 7 (wash in wash out colour) and then graduated on to semi permanent after that. First child at 33

I think my first hair dye was "Glints", summer before I started High School, so I was 11

I painted DD's toenails when she was about 3 and my MIL said she'd be pregnant at 14.
She's now 19, at Uni, training to be a research scientist. No babies yet but she still paints her nails!

I think rogue's middle suggestion is a good one.

"Hmmm. I'll bear it in mind."

I'm going to suggest it to DH, as he's the one that has to deal with this kind of crap from MIL. She wouldn't say it to me, because she knows I don't care what she thinks. (Because, if you're rude to someone, and show you don't care about them, then you shouldn't be surprised if you then have no influence over them!)

Thanks!

Yes, I think I'll get DD to put her gran on limited view of her profile. MiL likes to compare DD to DH's nephew and niece who are a bit older. They've obviously got their FB restricted lists figured out

I think hair disasters, turning yourself orange and questionable tastes in clothing is all part of growing up to be honest.

She works hard at school, we have a good relationship so she can talk to me about boys and periods and stuff. OK, she's gobby and argumentative, drives me up the wall with her habit of leaving glasses of chunky milk in her room, and does stuff that makes me WTF??? on a daily basis, but on the whole she's great.

MiL just makes me question myself sometimes. She's all bright and breezy and it's all wrapped up as being "concerned" or "worried" so you end up feeling completely unreasonable.

Good on you, ignoring MiL really is the best policy here. My lot having been dying there hair since they were about fourteen. One has stopped now, and one has just been asked to stay on at Uni and do his Masters, despite having orange and purple hair and various piercings.
Oh, and no pregnancy situations have arisen!

their hair. Apologies.

Sorry, crossed loads of posts.

It was DH who got it all last night. We have caller ID

DD has asked if she can dye her hair red over the summer, that'll wind her up nicely.

Practically speaking though, I'm not sure how successful red would be. Her hair is a little dark so would have thought it would have to be bleached to get it properly red. Hair dye is fair game, but I'm not up for bleaching it. Can you get good red dye that covers darker hair well and will wash out in time for school in September?

Do you mean pillar box red like Jane Goldman or ginger red? I think it would only really have a red tint rather than being properly red unless you used permanent dye.

She wants it proper, pillar box red.

OK for messing about with over the summer, but big no no for school.

I did suggest bleaching the ends and dyeing them red. That way the ends can be cut off before she goes back to school, but ideally she wants the whole hog.

I've only ever seen permanent stuff

My dd (13) wants to dye her hair blue. My only restriction is that she has to wait for the summer holidays so I don't have to deal with the school fallout. If it pisses off the MiL then that's a bonus

Thinking, the OP's tale reminds me of my lovely grandad taking my DM aside when I was 14 and warning her that if she didn't do 'something' about my 'interests' I would 'turn out funny'.

I was just playing at being a teenage goth!

My 12 year old is planning to dye the ends of her hair bright pink the day she breaks up for the summer

I think its quite cool.

She could dip dye the ends? Or hair chalks can be very effective,my boys want to dye their hair over the summer and they will. It's their hair!

I had coloured extension streaks glued in one year. Lasted all summer, came off easily when required, with no damage to my hair.

It was the 90s though. I looked like Christina here

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