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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let DD dye her hair?

84 replies

Tinklewinkle · 16/06/2015 09:42

Amongst other things

DD (13, about to turn 14) dyed her hair at the weekend. A fairly nondescript semi-perm light brown and posted a pic of herself on Facebook

We don't live near the inlaws, but they've obviously seen the pic on FB and last night MiL felt the need to phone DH to tells us how we're going wrong as she's worried about DD. If we're not careful DD will end up "pregnant by the time she's 16" if we don't start being stricter with her and "all the family agree"

I think MiL is being ridiculous, but she has made me wonder. DD is, on the whole, a decent kid. She has her moments, but is generally nice, polite, kind, behaves and works hard at school. I've always picked my battles and things like hair, clothes, make up, etc have never been on my list of things to get het up about, but perhaps we are a bit free and easy with her.

I never feel entirely confident in my parenting choices, the older they get the harder I find it.

OP posts:

ClearEyesFullHearts · 16/06/2015 11:43

If we're not careful DD will end up "pregnant by the time she's 16" if we don't start being stricter with her and "all the family agree"

I'm afraid I would laugh in her face. Wouldn't be able to stop myself, actually.

Moln · 16/06/2015 11:50

Are coloured hair extensions like
Surrogacy?

To be fair she's obviously of an era where hair dying was for the wayward, and she had somehow managed to avoid noticing that times have changed.

Ooh OP get DD to put on a fake nose ring and put it on Facebook. DD will the be expected to be destined to, by 16, go live in a commune with her babies and partake in tree orgies.

longlistofexlovers · 16/06/2015 11:54

Whats a tree orgy? Sounds fun.

Denimwithdenim00 · 16/06/2015 11:57

How the fuck old is she? I am 50, henna hair at 13! Dds much better hair dye at 14.

Your mil is bat shit crazy. Get the family to laugh in her face. Bless her.

Denimwithdenim00 · 16/06/2015 11:58

Oh and belly buttons at 15! God I am a bad mother but strangely they are 16/15 and not upduffed!

Moln · 16/06/2015 12:00

An orgy in a tree (rather than with a tree ). Requires a sense of balance.

Number3cometome · 16/06/2015 12:00

I started dying my hair from age 11.

I was pregnant at 12.

Just kidding

Let DD dye her hair, it's all part of growing up and finding yourself.

Just warn her about the woes of permanent colour!

Ethylred · 16/06/2015 12:01

Frankly I'm disappointed in the OP's daughter. A semi-perm light brown is not an adequate teenage rebellion.

Otherwise all 3 generations are behaving perfectly, well done. In particular grandmothers are intended by nature to behave like this; that's a fact, and I'm a scientist so I know.

lylasmam2012 · 16/06/2015 12:01

My sister got pregnant at 16. When I was 15 I got the top of my ear pierced, my dad lectured me on how I'd end up pregnant like my sister as she had done that too. I had to tell him that that isn't how it works...

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 16/06/2015 12:09

Frankly I'm disappointed in the OP's daughter. A semi-perm light brown is not an adequate teenage rebellion.

She didn't even ruin the towels or cover the bathroom in hair dye.

Must give her some lessons.

MiL is 67

My own mum is the same age and while she's a bit about some of it, she remembers my own teenage years and is quite looking forward to me getting my pay back

OP posts:

SanityClause · 16/06/2015 12:24

DD1 had very bright red hair, recently. It was as bright as the school would let her go, so not quite pillar box, but not far off. I paid to have it stripped out, (when she wanted it) and I have to say, her hair is not in good condition, now.

I would do the stripping, myself, having seen what they do. It's just a product you can buy.

You have to dye over the top of the stripped hair, afterwards.

I help my DDs with all their hair dying. DS is now also keen to have a go. (Where did I put that rod I made? )

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 16/06/2015 12:58

Is that the ColourB4 stuff?

I used it once and wasn't all that impressed. I had been dying my hair for years though so maybe there was just too much for it to fully strip it.

If I thought we could get it back to a reasonable colour before school, I wouldn't mind her using the permanent stuff as a one off

OP posts:

Battleshiphips · 16/06/2015 13:14

I think I would just say "yes that's the plan,we want to be young grandparents". Then just leave it at that.
I permed and dyed mine to within an inch of its life in the 80s! Didn't get pregnant until 2006 though. I must've been doing it wrong!

Mrsjayy · 16/06/2015 13:29

Yes it is a slippery slope today nice and easy no3 tomorrow bad boys and babies

paulapompom · 16/06/2015 13:41

I dyed my (black) hair pink at 13, my parents said it looked nice, through gritted teeth i'm sure. I don't see it as a problem at all, you know your own DD, I feel teenagers should be able to try out new looks, it's a right of passage. Does MiL colour her hair? Or is that "different "?

MissDuke · 16/06/2015 13:46

DumbledoresKnobblyWand

VacantExpression · 16/06/2015 13:53

FWIW I feel your pain OP, mine are still in infant school and my mum is constantly criticising my parenting choices I don't think she means to but makes me feel .

I have also been dying my hair since the age of twelve and didn't get pregnant till my twenties. Incidentally the first girl in my year at school to get pregnant wasn't a hair-dyer. scientific research done

Laladeepsouth · 16/06/2015 13:55

I've enjoyed this thread so much! Also, just remembered I helped my son with streaks/highlights at about 13. (He was 13; I was a lot older.)

TwinkieTwinkle · 16/06/2015 13:57

I don't wish to alarm anyone but I dyed my hair from about 12 and I had a baby as a teenager...

Momagain1 · 16/06/2015 14:00

My own mum is the same age and while she's a bit hmm about some of it, she remembers my own teenage years and is quite looking forward to me getting my pay back

As a 50 yr old gran, I am also awaiting payback in the form of a child just like her for oldest DD. but darned if DGS isnt the spitting image of his extremely kind, sweet, laid-back father. It's NOT FAIR!

(DD, very intelligent, joined the 'can't be bothered to excel work only hard enough to pass school' club at about 12. I promised she could color her hair any color she wanted if she brought home an all A report card for any quarter. Failing that she could only choose from the regular shelf. And no bleaching. She spent her teenage years veering between blackest black and quite red, but not postbox. I was disappointed really, as weird color would have annoyed my ex AND his mum. Maybe I should have set the bar at no grade below B.))

Momagain1 · 16/06/2015 14:06

Incidently, do discuss your MIL comments with DD, in order to engineer an opportunity to express your confidence in DD being able to manage her sex life and birth control in the same way she handles everything else (quite well, really) no matter what her hair color.

Couldnt hurt.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 16/06/2015 14:23

Dying hair always leads to pregnancy. Well in most cases. Eventually. Maybe.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 16/06/2015 18:06

Definetely keep Granny out of the loop on Facebook!

And maybe respond with 'gosh, why would you think that? She's such a good girl, I'm sure that won't happen.' And change the subject

EatShitDerek · 16/06/2015 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettyCatKitten · 16/06/2015 18:16

What a nasty thing to say. your mil would've loved me during my punk days as a teen

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