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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my husband things?

79 replies

YesAnastasia · 13/06/2015 08:36

For example, he asked me what a spray bottle contained & I just couldn't be bothered talking so I wouldn't tell him. Its personal. It really pisses him off.

There are lots of occasions where I won't tell him stuff because I feel like my privacy is being invaded & I tell him that.

Do I have to tell him EVERYTHING?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 13/06/2015 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peggyundercrackers · 13/06/2015 08:40

Why would you be with someone who you didn't want to talk to? Sounds like you don't really like him very much...

Shinytortoise24 · 13/06/2015 08:41

Your relationships is pointless

JeanSeberg · 13/06/2015 08:41

What was in the bottle that was so private?

SwingingBalls · 13/06/2015 08:41

Are you pleased that it pisses him off?

Silvercatowner · 13/06/2015 08:42

Saying you 'couldn't be bothered' talking to your partner is really not a good sign.

someonestolemynick · 13/06/2015 08:42

You were being ridiculous about the spray bottle.seriously his private can the content of a spray bottle be.

There is, generally speaking, no definitive rule for all relationships. Do you expect him to tell you everything?

Fwiw I don't tell my do everything. But wouldn't enter mind games about something as petty the contents of a bottle. I tell him most things and if I don't want to tell him he will respect that. I pay him the same courtesy.

londonrach · 13/06/2015 08:42

Op whats in the bottle. Really dont understand. You dh asked a question, its polite to answer...

SwingingBalls · 13/06/2015 08:43

Jean if she doesn't tell her dh, then you don't stand a chance of finding out.

pictish · 13/06/2015 08:43

Think you're going to have to elaborate a bit more because this sounds quite odd.

AuntyMag10 · 13/06/2015 08:43

You sound like very hard work.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/06/2015 08:44

Do you really mean you can't be arsed answering questions you consider pointless as I can't see what's 'personal' about answering a simpke question.

What do you talk about?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/06/2015 08:45

*simple

iwanttogotothechaletschool · 13/06/2015 08:47

What sort if stuff are you talking about? Fair enough if he wants to know your every waking thought but if you are talking more generic 'did you have a good day' type questions then that is unreasonable.

Original poster
YesAnastasia · 13/06/2015 08:48

He needs to know everything about me & it drives me crazy. I can't just casually get a snack, he has to know what it is. When I try to hide it before he sees, it drives him crazy. Or what my post was etc.

I didn't want to talk because I'd just got up & was going back to bed for my one lie in a week. Also I'm not a great conversationalist when I first wake up.

I just want to know if I have to divulge everything in my life? Down to the tiniest thing? AIBU?

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 13/06/2015 08:48

How is telling him what's in a spray bottle invading your privacy?
Is there more to it? Sounds like you're generally exasperated/annoyed with him?

Shapebandit · 13/06/2015 08:48

I think it depends. If you just can't be bothered to talk to him then that does sound unreasonable but in the other hand if he questions everything you do and doesn't respect your privacy at all (I get cross at my dh bursting into the bathroom 'to chat' when I'm on the toilet and I do feel myself that I like to change my sanitary towel in privacy or have a poo in peace.
Maybe the spray bottle is for sore bits after having a baby or something?

MakeItACider · 13/06/2015 08:49

Why did he want to know what's in the bottle? Does he have to know EVERYTHING you do? Because, tbh, that would annoy me to.

But if it's something I had specially made, and it was new around the house and my DH was interested I would tell him, but perhaps not in precise detail. Especially if I know I'm going to get a bit of an eye-rolling 'seriously you made THAT' type of look. (I'm into herbs and essential oils, he's definitely not!)

My DH and I share lots of things, but, yes, there are things that I honestly cannot be bothered to tell him, and it's my stuff.

Usually he's happy with a general 'oh just some stuff' or some general reply. He might laugh a bit if I keep skirting around something that I don't want to share. (Mind, these are innocuous things. If it was a 2 day trip and I refused to tell him where I was that is COMPLETELY different!)

BUT - he's usually happy to listen to me when I DO want to share things.

So YANBU to not tell him, but YABabitU to just not say anything instead of just giving a less rude 'non answer' type of answer.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 13/06/2015 08:49

Oops x post. No of course you don't have to divulge everything. Seems a bit petty to not tell him what's in a bottle though.
Sounds like this needs a proper conversation rather than just refusing to answer/getting annoyed at him. Tell him you feel like you're constantly being questioned and your privacy is being invaded.

MakeItACider · 13/06/2015 08:50

cross posts!

YANBU - first thing in the morning grilling = naff off!!!

PerfectlyPosed · 13/06/2015 08:52

I think YABabitU but I do see where you're coming from. My DP always asks who I'm texting if my phone makes a noise. And then when I tell him, he asks what we're talking about. If I tell him it's none of his business he says that we shouldn't be keeping secrets from each other! It is so frustrating!

lunalelle · 13/06/2015 08:52

He needs to know everything about me & it drives me crazy. I can't just casually get a snack, he has to know what it is. When I try to hide it before he sees, it drives him crazy.

That would drive me crazy, too. Not out of nosiness, because it is very weird. Why is it important that he doesn't 'see your snacks'?

KatieScarlettreregged · 13/06/2015 08:54

This would drive me nuts.
I would just reply "dunno" vaguely. I use the same response when asked where his (insert object belonging to him) is.
They give up after, oh, 20 years or so... Wink

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 13/06/2015 08:56

Hiding snacks before he sees sounds a bit OTT!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/06/2015 08:57

He interrogating you constantly about everything?

Not surprised you don't like it behaviour like that is usually considered to be abusive.

Unless of course he has valid reasons for asking what's in a spray bottle

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