To not tell my husband things?

[YesAnastasia]

For example, he asked me what a spray bottle contained & I just couldn't be bothered talking so I wouldn't tell him. Its personal. It really pisses him off.

There are lots of occasions where I won't tell him stuff because I feel like my privacy is being invaded & I tell him that.

Do I have to tell him EVERYTHING?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I often respond with why do you want to know, or, do we really have to discuss this its very dull, when I get asked what's that, what are you doing, what's in there etc. I tell him to trust me that's if it is anything useful or interesting I will discuss it but if it's boring mundane rubbish then I'm not going to spend time explaining it.
I love him to bits and love our relationship but can't bear discussing the minutia of day to day movements.

No not weird but if his Asperger's is relevant then I'm being a bitch I guess.

I just went in to tell him what was in the bottle (skin so soft from Avon that I use as an insect repellent & an itch stopper after being bitten) and why I didn't want to answer him. He said next time I should just tell him quickly Whatever.

I know. Like it or lump it.

Anastasia, my DH has AS.
If he was doing that, it would drive me crazy. I don't think you are weirtd wathsoever and, tbh, the vibe I'm getting from this thread is that you aren't either!

You'll have to find a way to deal with it though (either you, him or both of you) need to change a little bit otherwise you are going to be a very very frustrated woman!

And as the partner of someone with AS, I can promise you that my mtto is certainly NOT 'Like it or lump it'.

For an AS/NT relationhsip to work, you will need some efforts on both sides. It's not about him having to change. It's about him making some efforts, just as you do, to make things go smoothly, something totally normal to ask from a partner, NT or AS.

And it doesn't make you a bitch.

Whether that particular trait of character is linked with AS or not, it has some impact on your life. Because it's linked with AS doesn't mean you have to accept it all wo trying to make it easier for yourself.

Please don't misinterpret - it's not weird because it annoys you

And you are not being a bitch but it seems like you need support/sympathy/help from people who know

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I often respond with why do you want to know, or, do we really have to discuss this its very dull, when I get asked what's that, what are you doing, what's in there etc. I tell him to trust me that's if it is anything useful or interesting I will discuss it but if it's boring mundane rubbish then I'm not going to spend time explaining it.
I love him to bits and love our relationship but can't bear discussing the minutia of day to day movements.

Some good apps ice there from whatthe

It would drive me demented too, op. Yanbu

Advice and bold fail. Sorry.

Haha. Good, thank you. I have an AS son too & it's just fucking exhausting sometimes. I don't have the energy to discuss anything with him right now. Thanks for the advice x

I can totally see why it annoys you but I think, in light of the Apsergers then YABabitU. I've a friend with AS and when we meet we have to have very specific conditions, and very detailed arrangements. If she comes to my house then she will literally follow me from room to room, will pretty much pick up and examine anything that is out on the side and will ask about a million questions that seem, to me, irrelevant to what we're actually talking about. However, this is a manifestation of her condition. I'm usually quite tired by the time she goes/the meet up is over. That said, she is a good friend, reliable, honest, trustworthy, loyal. I need to work on my attitude, I think.

The fact that he has aspergers doesn't make you a bitch/weird for being irritated by it, it just serves to explain (at least partly) why he does it. Doesn't make it any less annoying but maybe makes the way you could deal with it different. You sound worn down OP

YANBU to feel irritated by constant questions whatever the reasons. Maybe next time just toss him to bottle so he can see himself? In regards to what you do each day, why not have a calendar on the wall? You can put the important things on there so he can look there rather then question everything and then anything else is just chat if you want it or you say as whatthe said above?

Shapebandit, isn't there a lock on your bathroom door?

You're not a bitch to find it annoying, but I think the Aspergers explains the reason behind his actions. I assume you didn't want to answer because it wouldn't just be one question?

Yanbu given your updates. I feel for you, he sounds exhausting and you sound exhausted! Have you explained to him how you feel? Sorry if you've answered this already? Maybe tell him how frustrating it is for you and sometimes if you ignore or don't reply it's not personal its just that you cope this way?

If it's any consolation, I want to punch people when they ask stupid boring bloody questions about what I'm eating, what I'm fiddling with etc. I know I'm being unreasonable as it isn't meant to annoy, but it still annoys the life out of me, and I can't change that.

If it's any help, I occasionally find myself doing odd things that annoy people I have cards in my pocket reminding me not to do stuff.

At the moment I have one that says "it's unnerving when you smell people"

And "remember people can't read your mind"

I find them useful

Doesn't sound like you should be in a relationship with anyone, not just him, if you're that weird about every day stuff. Why in god's name are you hiding snacks? Also, when you make yourself a snack, do you offer him one? If not, that's just weird and I'm not surprised he's asking what it is.

Your husband has general chit chat and youthink its privacy invasion you hide snacks so he cant see wont answer question about a spray bottle ignoring the man god your house sounds a hoot do you not like your husband

In answer to your question about telling partners every little thing, for Dp and I the answer is definitely not.
We actually lead fairly individual lives, and I do all sorts of things I dont tell dp about.
Nothing I shouldn't be doing, just things like going out for lunch with friends, doing an exercise class, having people round for coffee and cake, doing some shopping etc.
If he asks what I've been up to during the day I'll tell him and vice versa, but neither of us interrogate each other about their comings and goings.
SIL and dbro text each other about 30, yes that's 30 times a day. Things like "just having a coffee with your sister" or "picking the dc up from school now", all completely mind numbing stuff to anyone who isn't there (and even to people who are!!), and he texts back similar nothingness.
I'd find it completely stifling, and I like my privacy and company so don't want such intrusive minute by minute updates either to or from dp.
Love him to bits but we aren't over sharers. I wouldn't be compatible with someone who needed so much from me as your dh does op. But as pps have mentioned, I think his AS plays a big part here.
Oh, and hiding snacks from him is bizarre - "what are you eating?" "Cheese sandwich" - easily solved'

Ok you have AS you need to just try and remember your husband isnt and these questions are just chatting he is not trying to invade your privacy these questions are annoying you but he is trying to communicate

And hiding food is strange

After a day with a 1 year old, yes, I tell my OH everything. Every little thing. He smiles and nods.