To not tell my husband things?

[YesAnastasia]

For example, he asked me what a spray bottle contained & I just couldn't be bothered talking so I wouldn't tell him. Its personal. It really pisses him off.

There are lots of occasions where I won't tell him stuff because I feel like my privacy is being invaded & I tell him that.

Do I have to tell him EVERYTHING?

Yeah I see what you're getting at now...and no yanbu, that would aggravate the living fuck out of me.

It is a bit toddler ish of him.
do you have young dcs? I have to tell my dh that I cant talk for an hour after my little onr has gonr to bed because my brain is fucked from all the constant chatter, and in my work im talking talking talking all day too.
I love him but need silence to unwind.

Neither the bottle or the snacks are particularly the issue, they're just examples. Also, not that it's relevant really, he has Asperger's.

Whatever his motives are for wanting to know stuff - do I have to go about my day documenting everything to him? Is that how other people's relationships work? I'm just not that type of person. I want to scream LEAVE ME ALONE!

Is there a the more he asks questions, the more you withhold from him which makes him ask more situation going on? Hope that makes sense by the way. He does sound a bit much by the way, it would annoy me if I couldn't get a snack without questions.

I don't think there's going to be anyway to sort out the objective reality of who is being unreasonable in this scenario.

Maybe you are touchy and uncommunicative, maybe he's overbearing and aggravating

FWIW In my house, questions like you describe are normal , albeit A BIT BORING 9FROM BOTH SIDES)

Worlds I suppose it's because she anticipates being quizzed and expected to elaborate over stuff that isn't interesting to talk about and is none of his bloody business.

I'd feel like he was stealing my soul. Seriously. Autonomy is important.

Sorry, Caps fail

I think him having Asperger's is really relevant. Because he may not be aware of why it is you think his questions are annoying to you

Ah! It is relevant. I have Aspergers, and I do like to know details.

Luckily DH also has AS. So we understand each other.

You've got to talk to him. He probably hasn't got a clue it is annoying.

What does he say when you communicate your thoughts about this behaviour to him?

It's known as mithering here.
As in "stop mithering me, go and amuse yourself elsewhere DH you annoying git"
I love him really. Well, most of the time.

Pictish I get it, it would annoy the hell out of me too and make me feel really uncomfortable. I'm just not sure hiding things and ignoring him are the best way to go about dealing with it. It needs a proper conversation about boundaries/privacy/personal space. Unless there's more going on which makes a conversation about it inappropriate.

I get the snack hiding, like if he saw it might be..
Is that a ryvita and cream cheese? The original ryvita or the black pepper ones? Whats the price difference? Have you got spread too, how manycalories do you think are in that? Why dont you have the one with chives in etc etc etc

Used to work with someone like this.
Tbh OP if it is his aspergers then I doubt there is anything you can do, and its no way to live.

Aspergers could be very relevant indeed.

Perhaps he thinks he's showing interest in you

It's not relevant because his motives are irrelevant. I don't want to change him or determine if he is abusive (he isn't) he is who he is.

I just wanted to know if people generally tell their husband EVERY little thing & AIBU to resent this? Am I the weird one to feel invaded? Yes, autonomy is the right word.

To answer your question - in my house we do. But I don't think that is going to help you, is it? The fact is, it's irritating to you

No, I don't tell my husband every little thing because he doesn't ask. That's why his aspergers may be relevant though, in that that's maybe/probably why he feels the need to know.
Sometime if I come out of the kitchen eating something DH will say 'what are you eating?' But that will be because he's peckish and wants something too!
YANBU to feel invaded.

Yes katiescarlett mithering!

And I think the Asperger's is relevant because your interpretation of it as invasion of privacy is not his intention - so trying to accept that that's not his intention may help

Also, trying to find a way to convey that to him may help.

Him not understanding how you feel is pretty central to Asperger's, I believe

Sorry, me again

I think the people with Asperger's on here might really be able to help. Or people with partners with Asperger's.

For the rest of us, it's outside our experience

My mitherer is NT.
He used to come and check on me if I was on the bog for an extended period (I have IBS so not an infrequent occurrence).
The 51st "fuck offfffffffff" was the charm.
I don't know how you will fix it as clearly abuse is inappropriate here.

I know, there a dedicated thread & they're lovely. I just wanted to know if I was being weird. Looks like I am

I don't think anyone has said you're being weird have they OP? The majority of posters have agreed that they would also find this intrusive and annoying.

No love, you are not weird. It is very, very annoying (albeit a bit endearing) that they are so interested in EVERY LITTLE THING you do.
At least I can curse inventively at mine to get him to back off, but he finds my rage even more entertaining so it's win win for him.