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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do your guests wait to have breakfast with you?

95 replies

basilflower · 30/05/2015 09:27

We've had 2 (separate) guests recently who have got up and had breakfast without us. We have a young dc so it's not as if we're getting up late. I find it strange, I'd never go to someone else's house and have breakfast without them, a cup of tea yes, but breakfast no.

AIBU or are my guests?

OP posts:

grabaspoon · 30/05/2015 09:29

Be truthful - what time are you getting up; I think 7/8am with small children but I know a family whose kids [3&8months] don't get up til 8.45 and go down to breakfast about 9.30

Seriouslyffs · 30/05/2015 09:30

YABU I'm afraid to not get up with them. It's a pain but part of having guests. If they're getting up before 6 and staying more than one night I'd have said, 'I get up 7ish so if you need breakfast before here's the toast etc.'

googoodolly · 30/05/2015 09:32

I tell them where the toast etc is and tell them to help themselves.

Tommy · 30/05/2015 09:34

I think if you're having guests, you need to tell them what to expect in the mornings. Maybe they thought they'd better start breakfast as they didn't know when you'd be down or, if they waited, it would look like they were waiting for you to serve them which could look a bit presumptuous...

GlitzAndGigglesx · 30/05/2015 09:36

On the rare occasion someone stays here we just tell them to help themselves to whatever they want. I thought most people did

LittleBearPad · 30/05/2015 09:38

I'd also say help yourself to toast, cereal etc. Why not?

PrincessOfChina · 30/05/2015 09:39

Yes, definitely depends on what time you were up v what time they were up. We often stay with one particular family and they're up earlier than us so we get up to match their pattern.

hedgehogsdontbite · 30/05/2015 09:39

We have lots of guests as we live abroad. Everyone helps themselves to breakfast as they get up/feel like it.

Moln · 30/05/2015 09:42

Depends who they are. People who stay here regularly would make their own

Generally though I'm up before anyone though.

Flingmoo · 30/05/2015 09:42

It depends on the timings.

Personally I usually run it past them casually before bed: "what sort of time do you think you'll fancy breakfast tomorrow" and while they're not necessarily going to reply with an exact time, usually you'll find out if they're an early riser, someone who prefers a lie-in, or someone who will just go with the flow.

We have a 1 yr old DS who wakes up between 7am and 8am and that has meant we're always up before our guests these days!

Pre DS, we were lazy buggers and sometimes used to come down and find the in-laws had already set the whole table with plates, tea set and food ready for us to come down, they're usually ravenous by 9am so sometimes they'd already started eating if we came down at 10.

Eigg · 30/05/2015 09:43

I'd expect to eat together, we always lay the table nicely for guests and have treat things but we'd usually discuss the night before what time everyone needed breakfast.

I'd be pretty surprised if I came down and they'd helped them selves to more than a cuppa.

IWantDogger · 30/05/2015 09:45

Guests without kids are usually up after us so no problem there, guests with kids we normally hear if they're up and get up too, or if they've got early risers they might have helped themselves which is fine.
I've been at friends houses where we've been up (pre kids) and waiting for them, feeling starving and unsure what to do, that doesn't feel very nice.

Schoolaroundthecorner · 30/05/2015 09:46

My FIL's usual breakfast time is 5.30/6.00 am. He's quite welcome to sort his own breakfast out at that hour!

AuntyMag10 · 30/05/2015 09:48

I get up before guests to make breakfast for all. I wouldn't feel happy for guests to feel that they need to make their own breakfast.

Tamar86 · 30/05/2015 09:50

I always make sure I get up with guests and try to provide a more "special" breakfast - croissants, rolls, yoghurts, fruit, cheese and cold meats, cereal set out on the table for when they are ready. I usually say what time breakfast will be the night before and check it's OK with everyone. It's always worked fine, and it's nice to all sit down and chat over breakfast.

Most of my family and friends are the same, breakfast is a big deal, everyone eats it together, if you've had guests you make a bit of an effort - cooked breakfast, bacon sandwiches, pancakes, that sort of thing.

But DH's family, when we stay with them just have breakfast as and when, don't all sit down together, and we have to get our own. I don't like it because it isn't what I am used to - I hate rooting in cupboards in someone else's house.

I think some people just have different expectations of breakfast! To me it's a meal with the same social rules as lunch or dinner, but others see it as a more solitary, grab when you're ready sort of thing.

shaska · 30/05/2015 09:53

The only time I'd wait for a host to get up before breakfasting is if I was planning to make them breakfast. And that would depend on what everyone's plan for the day is.

If guests want to do the same that's fine but otherwise I'd feel a bit guilty if they thought they had to wait for me to get up before eating.

AlternativeTentacles · 30/05/2015 09:59

No - let them. Saves you a job. When I have guests and get up and they say 'We made breakfast' I rejoice inside and just make it for anyone left who is hungry.

Athenaviolet · 30/05/2015 10:02

Id have tea and fruit but wouldn't cook anything.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 30/05/2015 10:02

Free for all here, everyone helps themselves, we never do breakfast as a things on the table to share meal, unlike lunch and dinner. My parents and ILs do the same, none of us eat cooked breakfasts ever, just cereal and toast, occasionally croissants.

LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 30/05/2015 10:05

If I heard the kettle go on and people moving around I'd get up. I would also be a bit embarrassed if they felt they had to help themselves because we weren't up - but that's completely my issue

We went to friends and they got up about 10.30 and then cooked breakfast. Lovely but we were up and starving at 8 due to a very hot house and a hangover. That was a looooong morning.

mrsmugoo · 30/05/2015 10:07

I always tell guests to help themselves to breakfast/coffees and make themselves at home.

gamerchick · 30/05/2015 10:08

What time are you getting up OP?

Breakfast is a free for all in this house... Not a sit down at the table job.

CMOTDibbler · 30/05/2015 10:11

We are normally up first, but guests are always told where everything is and to help themselves if up first. But the only people we have staying are the sort that are encouraged to treat the house as their own - so we might do bacon sarnies, but nothing posher than usual

MidniteScribbler · 30/05/2015 10:13

It depends on the guests. I have some close friends that stay regularly and they will just help themselves when they get up. None of us are really breakfast people, so some toast is more than enough. A more 'formal' guest arrangement would probably mean that I got up and made a full breakfast for them.

Amummyatlast · 30/05/2015 10:15

I have to eat quite soon after getting up. When we used to stay at ILs (pre-kids) I'd be one of the first up at 7.30-8am, and would help myself to tea and toast, because I knew the sit down breakfast wouldn't be until 11am.

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