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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do your guests wait to have breakfast with you?

95 replies

basilflower · 30/05/2015 09:27

We've had 2 (separate) guests recently who have got up and had breakfast without us. We have a young dc so it's not as if we're getting up late. I find it strange, I'd never go to someone else's house and have breakfast without them, a cup of tea yes, but breakfast no.

AIBU or are my guests?

OP posts:

MrsNextDoor · 30/05/2015 10:17

As other have said, if you're up later than about 8, I'd probably need to make some toast or cereal or I'd feel sick. I wake up STARVING daily and feel very ill if I don't eat.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/05/2015 10:19

I think it's it's great your guests feel they can help themselves tbh. I've lost count how many times I've stayed at a mates and having been told the night before "oh I got some nice bacon in and some posh coffee ill make us some bacon rolls for breakfast" only to have all the sets of kids practically eating the furniture cos it didn't materialise til half 11 despite the " oh ill just do X and then get us breakfast"

if you are up and plan in a nice spread then do that. But make sure it's actually ready. but if breakfast is hit and miss in your house or you know your guests are early risers then just leave them to it.make sure there's stuff available and that they know it's there should they want it

MakeItACider · 30/05/2015 10:24

It depends on what sort of guests and why they're staying. We have friends from overseas who stay and do lots of sight seeing while with us. We can't go out sightseeing with them. So the only time we see them is for breakfast and sometimes dinner. So if they got up and had breakfast on their own and didn't wait for us I would be quite peeved off.

But if they were friends spending all day with us - then it wouldn't really bother me.

But, as others have said, the key is to TALK about it the night before.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 30/05/2015 10:24

I'd tell my guests to help themselves if they were up before me.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/05/2015 10:25

When we have guests, I always leave breakfast things ready on the kitchen table so they can help themselves if they get up early, but make sure I'm up at a decent time so I can take care of them.

At my PiL, it's a very formal affair with places set, etc. and it's deeply frowned upon to have as much as a slice of toast before breakfast is served. I bloody hate it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/05/2015 10:34

Things definitely clash more when you have kids. If your up at 7 with the kids your probably really hungry by 8. If people without kids don't usually get up til 8/9 o clock it's gonna be 10 til they probably even think about eating. where's you have been up hours by then.

same goes with dinner. they've barely done lunch by the time you need to start thinking about what time the kids will eat their tea.

mind you staying somewhere with kids isn't any garuntee you be will get fed either

LilacWine7 · 30/05/2015 10:38

I always tell guests to help themselves to breakfast. Night before I lay table and put out bread, cereal, boxes of croissants, danish pastries etc and remind them yogurts, milk, jams etc in fridge. I think it's rude to make guests wait until you get up... it's like saying you don't want to share your kitchen with them or don't trust them to use toaster! What if someone wakes up at 6am?

However we've had guests who do wait for us despite being told to help themselves. If we hear them getting up we get up too even if it's very early, DH sometimes makes pancakes or omelette in addition. But I find it odd when we get up and guests are sitting at table to be fed, and they just sit back and watch us making toast and coffee for them... I don't like that, it feels like they expect to be waited on!

TBH I am not at all social first thing in morning and I hate making conversation at breakfast. I like to sit quietly with my coffee! I loathe formal sit-down breakfasts, if we stay with friends who do this I pack things like flapjacks, set my alarm very early, get up and make a coffee before anyone else is up then take it back to room and have my coffee and flapjack in peace! That way my blood-sugar is stable enough to face a crowd of noisy people and kids at the 'proper' breakfast later!

DisappointedOne · 30/05/2015 10:39

I don't eat breakfast myself and none of us are early risers. DH's parents are the opposite (weirdos). I'm always last to bed so I chuck some cereals, breads and jams, the toaster, bowls, plates and glasses on the table and mugs, teabags and cafetiere by the kettle on my way up to bed. They help themselves when they come in from getting their newspaper (which usually wakes DH, who then gets up and goes downstairs while I roll over and go back to sleep. )

whatlifestylechoice · 30/05/2015 10:51

I hate it when you're staying with someone and they don't get up for ages. Or when someone's staying with you and they don't get up for ages. Unless it's been planned beforehand, you're just hanging around waiting for them and it's annoying.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 30/05/2015 10:58

I'm of the prefer to eat it by myself inclination too, given a choice I would make a slice of toast and a cuppa and disappear to a sunny spot in the garden with my kindle or a paper over breakfast. I just can't face cooked breakfasts (any more than a boiled egg) and certainly don't want pancakes, fruit etc. I end up eating these things in hotels because they are there and end up feeling bloated and a bit icky for the rest of the morning. Luckily all our families are the same, cereal and toast only is normal.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 30/05/2015 11:06

YABU. Why on earth would you mind someone helping themselves to cereal / toast. Sounds very petty. Do you want your guests to be hungry?

DisappointedOne · 30/05/2015 11:15

I hate it when you're staying with someone and they don't get up for ages.

That's why they invented hotels. The "bed at 9pm up at 5am" relatives are welcome anytime but I'm not about to adopt their routine!

whatlifestylechoice · 30/05/2015 11:17

Yes, if only people advertised that they don't get up until 11am before inviting one to stay.

AlisonBlunderland · 30/05/2015 11:21

My in laws stay every few months and I used to get up early (then wait for them to appear).
Now I set plates etc, cereal and jam etc on table
Then if they want to help themselves before i appear, most stuff is ready

MamaLazarou · 30/05/2015 11:23

YABU. Your guests should be free to help themselves to cereal/fruit/toast if they get up before you. Why is this a problem?

TidyDancer · 30/05/2015 11:24

The only overnight guests we have are people who are very very well known to us and we all treat each other's houses like second homes. I would usually be up before my guests anyway, but if they were particularly early risers they would be welcome to eat whatever they wanted. I would definitely make that clear to them though.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 30/05/2015 11:26

I'd do the 'what time shall we get up' conversation too.

What I could do without is my (otherwise lovely) friend who says 'oh, I'll get up whenever, I'll just see how it goes' and then knocks on my door if I'm not up my 8. The first time I thought it was just one of those things, but now I know what 'whenever' means 'between 6 and 7.30'.

I would actually find it slightly rude if someone rummaged through my cupboards for cereal and ate before me, but that's because I'd expect to get up with them.

ItsNotAsPerfectAsItSeems · 30/05/2015 11:27

It's not so bad these days as although we're up between 6.40/7am with the kids, most friends we stay with are also up at similar times with their kids.

Before we had kids I used to really struggle with this to the extent that I avoided staying with friends as I would be up between 7.30 and 8am and nobody else would rise until at least 9am.

ItsNotAsPerfectAsItSeems · 30/05/2015 11:29

But to answer the op, we always tell people to help themselves in the morning to tea and toast/ pain au chocolate. Then we do bacon butties or similar as second breakfast.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 30/05/2015 11:29

If it's acceptable to be up and out of your room before your hosts are awake, then it's absolutely acceptable to eat breakfast, there's no in between, either you're up to fully host your guests - caring for their needs etc. - or you stay in bed and allow them to care for their needs.

wtffgs · 30/05/2015 11:33

If someone sorts out their own food at any time, I am just grateful. Do you often feel this uptight strongly about stuff?

JeanneDeMontbaston · 30/05/2015 11:38

Does it depend how close to the shops you live/how good your storage is?

If someone deciding they fancy using up all the eggs means you have to get in the car and drive ten miles to the shop to get more, that's a little bit more irritating than if you just have to pop round the corner, isn't it?

PuppyMonkey · 30/05/2015 11:39

To be fair, it depends what they're having for breakfast. I wouldn't take too kindly to a guest helping themselves to bacon and sausages and firing up the grill before I got up.

But, you know, if they have a bowl of cereal and a cuppa, that's fine - although if wake up at the sound of kettle (I'm a bit Pavlov's dogs about kettles, it instinctively means tea).

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 30/05/2015 11:45

I've never had guests actually start cooking stuff like eggs for breakfast though, it's always just cereal and toast. I'd far rather they helped themselves than waited for me to get up, or me have to wait for them to get up. We don't do the what time are you getting up conversation either, no need if everyone gets their own breakfast and no awkwardness if someone oversleeps a bit or wants a lie in that everyone else will be waiting.

PuppyMonkey · 30/05/2015 11:50

I really want a fried breakfast now, anyone else?

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