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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think drinking excessively at special occasions is just selfish?

122 replies

KorsILoveMichael · 24/05/2015 11:26

I was at a wedding yesterday and one woman drank about 3 bottles of wine and got drunk. Became very rude and aggressive and just embarrassed herself. This woman was in her late 30s so you'd think by now she'd know how much she could drink without getting wasted.

I was also drinking but I paced myself as I knew it would be a long day and I wouldn't want to get the point where I was so drunk I was ruining what is suppose to be a happy day.

I think when you're out in town having drinks its different. But I really think drinking excessively (way over your own limit) at a special occasion (weddings, christenings etc) is just really grim and selfish behaviour.

OP posts:
cleanmyhouse · 24/05/2015 11:29

YANBU.

I know people who get masses of coke for friends weddings and spend most of the wedding in the bathroom or outside talking at each other but thinking nobody can tell. Yawn.

Gileswithachainsaw · 24/05/2015 11:31

I'm inclined to agree tbh. drinking and having a good time fine. drinking til your so pissed people are having to baby sityou instead if being able to talk to guests and enjoy themselves is not on.

I hate the "any excuse to get pissed" mentality. things take months to plan and hold an incredible significance to people and running it through drunken behaviour is very selfish

ollieplimsoles · 24/05/2015 11:33

YADNBU!! I HATE it when people do this, it used to happen at family occasions all the time and it was always the same woman, she looked like a total idiot.

She was one of those insufferable drunks who thinks everyone is laughing with her but they are laughing AT her...

Her children have put her to bed drunk before now..

AnyFucker · 24/05/2015 11:38

I would feel sorry for that woman as I imagine she has a drink problem

which as we know, tends to make one react in monumentally selfish ways

I hope she had someone to help pick up the pieces and encourage her to get help for what is actually very worrying and health damaging behaviour

Original poster
KorsILoveMichael · 24/05/2015 11:41

Well if she does have a drinking problem AnyFucker I'd find it extremely strange that her family member went and bought her a bottle of wine just for her and there was also free wine on the table.

And this was all done in front of her son that looked about 10.

Sometimes people don't have drinking problems. Sometimes they just love having an excuse to get wasted.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 24/05/2015 11:42

Any- she has an 'any excuse to get pissed' mentality at parties. She has a very high stress job and sees these events as an excuse to really kick back. She gets this way because she rarely drinks due to work and family commitments so when she does have one too many (egged on admittedly by heavy drinkers in the family), it hits her like a ton of bricks.

ollieplimsoles · 24/05/2015 11:43

X post with kors I was explaining the behaviour of the woman who does this in my family.

But I did wonder if the lady in op's post had a drink problem and of so- who kept giving her the alcohol? Hmm

SirChenjin · 24/05/2015 11:44

YANBU - but some people have a very odd attitude to alcohol.

ScorpioMermaid · 24/05/2015 11:45

YANBU my own mother did this at my wedding! she dragged me across the room in a headlock at one point! There was a fight (not me, other relatives) and my DH very nearly smacked by DB for egging DM on Angry at the end of the night I was sat at the bar with my StepDad both of us in tears at what an absolute arsehole my DM was. I went NC with her and DB for about 6 months after.

AnyFucker · 24/05/2015 11:45

a problem with drink that impacts on your life is a drinking problem

I am not excusing her behaviour but I doubt that she does this deliberately to spoil everyone else's day

have any of her friends/family tried to address this with her ?

ImperialBlether · 24/05/2015 11:46

I think anyone who's drinking three bottles of wine in a day has a drinking problem, whether it's admitted or not and whether the other members of her family know or not.

Most people wouldn't be able to ask for a third bottle because they'd have lost the power of speech. The fact she could ask for it shows she has a problem.

But yes, it's really bad manners to do that at a public event. Better to decide not to drink at all if you know you're likely to drink too much.

Original poster
KorsILoveMichael · 24/05/2015 11:47

I've seen it happen loads of times but I just mentioned this one as it was so recent.

I was at a christening 2 weeks ago with at least 3 people passed out on a table from drinking. I know 2 of them well and neither has a drinking problem.

OP posts:
WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 24/05/2015 11:48

Many people have an unhealthy relationship with drink / don't know when to stop / are unable to stop once they've started. And it's broadly tolerated by society and encouraged in many groups.

So it's not she's either selfish OR an alcoholic (although obv being an alcoholic often means lots of selfish behaviour).

I mean for the people on the other side it's shit isn't it. I have spent a huge amount of time "talking down" drunk people from bizarre and dangerous behaviour. But, the reasons people do it, are complex.

Absolutely be pissed off with her. Whatever the reasons behind it were, it was inappropriate and spoilt it for lots of other people. FWIW it's more than possible she doesn't feel brilliant about what happened either. I don't know her or your social group obv but it's possible.

ollieplimsoles · 24/05/2015 11:50

Getting wasted at a christening?! Classy...

Original poster
KorsILoveMichael · 24/05/2015 11:52

have any of her friends/family tried to address this with her ?

Why would I know this? Never met her before yesterday and had the misfortune of being a target of hers when she had a go at me for no reason and everyone had to sit through her screaming out things during the speech.

This is what I hate about mumsnet. You can't start a threat without someone not being able to take it at face value.

It's turned into she has a drinking problem, she needs help etc - none of us know this at all.

I'm surprised the classic line of "she probably has an" hasn't been trotted out yet.

It's ridiculous the conclusion people come to on here, knowing barely any facts about the person.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 24/05/2015 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 24/05/2015 11:57

I agree in principle that it's poor manners to get pissed at an event someone else is hosting but I agree with AnyFucker that she might possibly have a drink problem. I don't actually see why you were monitoring and observing someone's alcohol intake when you don't even know them.

Smarterthantheaveragebeaver · 24/05/2015 12:00

I never set out with the intention of getting wasted, sometimes it just happens, once after about 3/4 of a bottle of wine that Id drunk quite slowly. No hangover the following day either. I think someone had spiked my drink. Had to be taken home by a colleague. I also heard of this happening to 2 other people (one M, one F, both drinking wine, neither big drinkers) at the same venue at different occasions.

What I dont get is the culture of taking booze to various events. e.g. We go to race meetings where people (mainly men) are getting stuck into their slab of cans at 10 am. This is after paying a fortune for the privilege of getting into the event and missing half of it by falling asleep mid afternoon Confused. Yet Im the one who gets funny looks when I get my flask of tea out because Im too tight to pay at the concessions

Also the people who start their holiday with overpriced booze in airport bars when normally they'd be quite happy tucking into their cornflakes.

redredwine4 · 24/05/2015 12:02

You sound pretty nuts yourself. Why post at all if you just want everyone to agree with you

listsandbudgets · 24/05/2015 12:05

YANBU.

I admit openly to doing it once at a wedding when I was 18. It taught me a lesson and I swore to myself I'd be careful ever after. With the exception of one event in my late 20s when quite honestly I was drinking to blot out massive relationship problems (which I later resolved) I've kept to it. The difference then was that the people sitting on either side of me knew what was going on and kept my wine intentionally topped up before carrying me home BUT I DRUNK IT so no one to blame but me. Both times I regretted it and wished I'd not been so stupid.

Its not right, its not respectful and its not fun.

Diamond23 · 24/05/2015 12:07

There is always at least one person who gets bladders at weddings. They're not alcoholics. Sometimes it can be easy to misjudge how much you've drunk and once you're drunk, you lose a lot of the judgement that would make you stop, and carry on.

I also find agressive drunks are usually going through periods or high stress and drink affects you differently to usual then.

So all in all probably not selfish, probably just misjudged.

Original poster
KorsILoveMichael · 24/05/2015 12:09

I don't actually see why you were monitoring and observing someone's alcohol intake when you don't even know them.

I wasn't. She was sat on my table and then announced to us all her mum had just bought her another bottle of wine.

She then walked by me a while later with another bottle in her hand.

And I'm not nuts. I don't expect everyone or anyone to agree with me. But I think it's ridiculous to say things about this woman as if they were facts because none of us know.

My aibu was not about whether this woman has a drinking problem. It was a general anyone at a wedding/christening etc getting wasted because I'm sure many of us have witnessed it.

OP posts:
ememem84 · 24/05/2015 12:10

Regularly happens at our family events. It's alway te same ones. Its just accepted.

I'm organising dh's birthday at present and have purposely booked a place that doesn't have a licence to sell booze. Were allowed to byo so ie asked everyone todo that. No way am I paying (again) for people to get shitfced (then complain the next day that they were so hungover because I supplied shit wine - don't guzzle it all then...!!)

LadylikeCough · 24/05/2015 12:12

What does a drink problem look like, then? Is it only a drinking problem if you say I HAVE A PROBLEM? If it's been put to the family vote and everyone agrees you do, and they refuse to serve you alcohol? If you've lost your job and live on a park bench?

'You can't start a thread without someone not being able to take it at face value.'

Of course you can't not about something like drinking, anyway. You can't manage and dictate everyone's reactions. It sounds like all you wanted was for everyone to say 'yes, people who get pissed at special occasions are dreadful' which they are, actually. Too much booze is a mess in any situation. I hate the way entire city centres are wrecked each weekend by puking, aggressive nobs, just because in the context of being 'out in town' that's seen as fine, or at least normal.

I've never been to a Christening where three people passed out at the table. Hmm If you're unconscious from drink in a completely inappropriate child-focused setting then I think it's odd to dismiss the idea of a 'drinking problem'.

ImperialBlether · 24/05/2015 12:26

I think the fact someone who doesn't live with her bought her another bottle doesn't mean anything at all. It would have been more telling if her husband had been buying her more bottles whilst not drinking himself.

But I do think drinking problems come in different guises. Some people don't realise they have a problem and some drink a lot less and realise they do.

I would say though that someone in their middle years (so old enough to know better) who is drinking three bottles of wine has a problem with drinking.