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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be able to get one date!

80 replies

Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 12:51

I don't have two heads, I do have all my own teeth, I'm not Kate Moss but I'm not quite White Dee either.

Where am I going wrong?? I have tried every dating site going and I must be approaching this online thing incorrectly.

Are there any 'rules' I'm missing? :)

OP posts:
Partyringer · 14/05/2015 13:02

Don't know. Sometimes it's a vibe thing. I went out with a group of women the other week, most of us were married but three were Defo on the pull - and couldn't have been more offputting and serious. If they'd relaxed a bit and had a laugh they could have cleaned up because there was plenty of cheerful cock in there! Grin

Partyringer · 14/05/2015 13:04

What's your profile pic like? Do you look chirpy and the kind of girl a bloke could take home to his mum?
What image do you think you're projecting, and attracting?

Quitelikely · 14/05/2015 13:04

What is in your profile?

Partyringer · 14/05/2015 13:05

Is your profile pic lots of cats and you holding a BabyReborn in a wedding dress?

Grin
Original poster
Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 13:06

Well I think (hope!) I just look nice and normal. I'm definitely an ordinary looking person but I have nice hair and my teeth are good - I'm smiling :)

You know I sometimes wonder if I look too much like a fresh faced girl next door and not like someone you'd want to make passionate love to Sad

OP posts:
Partyringer · 14/05/2015 13:09

If you think that might be the case then wear a well fitting, but not low cut, red top. Sounds simple but it works. Take off your glasses, and wear lipstick - not full on 50s Rock type but enough to show you're wearing it.

formerbabe · 14/05/2015 13:10

Do any men send you messages on the sites? If so, how do you respond to them?

Original poster
Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 13:15

I don't wear glasses Confused

I would look ridiculous in the outfit you describe - honestly: thanks, though.

No, men don't send me messages Sad bar the odd 'hi Hun' from a 56 year old. I'm 32!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 14/05/2015 13:27

Op...why would you look ridiculous in the outfit that Partyringer suggested?

If you think that might be the case then wear a well fitting, but not low cut, red top.

Why would you look ridiculous in that? I think its quite a good idea..red draws peoples mens attention and is a nice cheerful colour,

Original poster
Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 13:48

I really don't suit red; it drains me and I have very small lips so lipstick is overkill :)

OP posts:
whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 14/05/2015 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 14:06

I hate the 'good advice' line Grin I'm not 'dismissing' anything (I do wear makeup by the way just don't suit very vibrant colours as I am pale.)

OP posts:
squoosh · 14/05/2015 14:56

Are you sending messages to the guys that catch your eye, rather than waiting for people to contact you?

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 14/05/2015 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 15:13

I was a member there in 2012. No joy Sad I think I've tried them all!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 14/05/2015 15:20

You need a unique selling point.

I wrote my online dating profile when I was completely shitfaced. It was all utter nonsense, but it got people's attention.

Scattymere · 14/05/2015 15:31

I'm an expert...met DP online, loads of friend are doing it, help them...honestly if you'd like to PM me a link/screenshot to your page I'll offer my thoughts?!

Number3cometome · 14/05/2015 15:35

I'll tell you what I did - changed my margins of what I was looking for!

I have always gone for black guys, over 6ft and over 35ish.

I changed my parameters to include under 30's, mixed race and slightly shorter.

Guess what? First date, met the man of my absolute dreams, now live together, hopefully getting married soon and expecting a baby in a few weeks time.

OH said the reason he was attracted to my profile was because I seemed genuine, I had things on there that I really like doing, and not just for 'show'.

Use a site that you pay for, the free ones usually attract the 'just after a shag' ones.

There is hope!

SuperFlyHigh · 14/05/2015 15:37

Dating profiles can be easy to get wrong...

You do need a smiley photo with colour in it whether in your hair, makeup etc... - the photos I tend to use are either of me at any office party, out with friends (but a single photo of me), at drinks party (on sofa with glass wine in hand) but I'm smiling in all, makeup and usually something colourful on (I have a red heart shaped necklace (lots of hearts on black string) - on top of a black top but I also have red lipgloss on too.

Include stuff you're interested in but for god's sake leave anything too boring out... drinks with friends usually goes down well as an activity you like.

I have a friend who's into Christian dating sites and I swear her profile isn't great as she doesn't get much attention. She's very pretty (likes bright colours too!) and likes bars etc... You need to come across as date material but if you're after this too, potential wife/mother material too, so not slutty or too much like their mum.

Sites I'd recommend are doing something but not POF (far too many idiots), Smooch isn't bad either nor is LoveStruck.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/05/2015 15:37

also message men you like the look of don't wait for them to contact you! Its fine to do this.

Number3cometome · 14/05/2015 15:38

Yes! Don't be shy!

I went straight in for the kill with my OH, asked him out for a date that night (I may have been feeling brave after a glass of wine)

We had a great night.

Not going to lie, a really great night Wink

badtime · 14/05/2015 15:43

Put something in your profile that people can message you about (preferably true!) - do you like dinosaurs or power ballads or hula-hooping? Make music or chutneys or your own clothes?

When I first tried online dating sites, I tried to make myself seem palatable to as many people as possible. I got basically no response. I rethought my strategy - I wanted to meet people who like me , so I rewrote my profile as me-ish as possible and got messages from lots of really nice men (and hardly any penis pictures).

AmyElliotDunne · 14/05/2015 16:04

Yeah, everyone puts stuff about enjoying quiet nights in drinking wine and watching a DVD and also nights out and long walks in the country blah blah blah.

Try and put something a bit more original, also say something about the kind of guy you're looking for. One of my 'must haves' was a hairy chest; I had lots of replies from hideous men who didn't meet any of my other criteria but told me they did have a hairy chest, so at least I knew they'd read it!

DP turned up on our first date wearing none of the things I'd said I dislike, which also showed that he was trying to impress!

But bear in mind that what works for one man won't for another. I was told by one guy who contacted me (we were advising each other about profiles) to use a curly haired pic as my main one. DP met me with straight hair and was a bit scared about meeting curly me!

BitOutOfPractice · 14/05/2015 16:11

Think about a picture that has something that someone can talk about / ask a question - that way you'll coax the shyer nicer men out of the woodwork.

Mine had me eating "something" off a spoon and laughing. Lots of men messaged to ask what it was.

Also, you have to do some asking / favouriting / nudging yourself. My DP only felt brave enough to approach the goddess that I am me because I favourited him. He is the nicest man ever so you'll have to settle for second nicest Wink

Good luck and don't give up

Original poster
Jasmineskye · 14/05/2015 16:31

Go on then scatty - will do so in a bit. But don't be horrible ... Shock Wink

OP posts:
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