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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL cut 2 year old's hair.

84 replies

SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:07

MIL has DS2 one day a week and does a brilliant job. He loves going to her. He has only ever had one hair cut over a year ago. His hair is very wispy and curly so it is not that long. I am not specifically growing it but when DS1 goes to the hairdresser we ask if he wants his doing and he always says no.

MIL sent a text to me at work confessing the cut saying it was in his eyes. I got home to find she has cut a fringe but also all the back. Its still quite long but more of a he-man style bob.

I am suppressing some annoyance but AIBU to just let this go. My instinct tells me not to rock the boat as she is an incredibly stubborn woman but I also don't want her to do it again.

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 31/01/2015 21:09

Sorry, not her job. I would go apeshit.

Original poster
SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:12

Part of me thinks I am wimping out but another part says I should let it go. It looks ok tbh but I do feel she has crossed a line.

OP posts:
MilkThistle187 · 31/01/2015 21:13

I would be fuming, but in your shoes I wouldn't go in all guns blazing. Get your DH to ask her not to do anything like that in future without consulting you first

whothehellknows · 31/01/2015 21:15

Why do mothers and MILs do this? WTF makes people think it's ok to take a scissors to the head of someone else's child?

And these threads happen all the time! Maybe there needs to be a public service announcement, if so many people are deluded enough to think it's appropriate. Or a warning label on all scissors: Not to be used on the hair of other people's children without prior authorization.

Gwenci · 31/01/2015 21:16

Wow, if anyone cut my DD's hair without asking me I'd be livid! (Especially if MIL did it!!)

You sound like you're being very reasonable at the moment tbh. I'm one for not rocking boats too (especially if she's normally so good with him) but I'd have to say something for fear of her doing it again! He-Man is not a good look!!

FindoGask · 31/01/2015 21:19

I've read threads like this before in equal disbelief - I can't understand why anyone would ever do this. I can so see why you're annoyed.

Original poster
SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:19

Thanks milk. I think that is the exact solution I was looking for. She has fallen out with SIL and BIL and they have not spoken for years. I never want that to happen so I do often go along with everything she says then do the opposite when she is not looking. DH is very good at diplomacy and not very impressed with the fact that she did it. I will ask him if he wants to tell her not to do it again.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 31/01/2015 21:21

My mum did this. And the fringe was very wonky. Didn't go apeshit but was very firm that I did not want it to happen again. It didn't.

I think there is a happy medium b/w saying nothing and screaming down the phone at her.

Mulligrubs · 31/01/2015 21:27

I would hit the roof and I wouldn't give a shit about the fallout. Cutting someone else's child's hair is ovoverstepping the mark hugely. Like you OP I am usually someone who avoids rocking the boat at all costs but I wouldn't be able to hold back.

Original poster
SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:28

I think you are right barbarian about a happy medium. I think it would be easier for me if it was my mum. I would tell her under no circumstances should she do it again. So I like milk's suggestion of DH saying something.

OP posts:
curiousgeorgie · 31/01/2015 21:30

I would go crazy. I would probably cry or punch her to be honest!

Lottie5 · 31/01/2015 21:30

I think that if you are trusting someone else to care for your child then you unfortunately have to accept that sometimes they will do things you don't agree with. If there are boundaries that you feel strongly about then she needs to be told what they are by you or your partner. This can be done calmly and rationally without any fallout.

At the end of the day you need to rationalise why she did it - was she deliberately undermining you or did she just see something she perceived as a problem and clumsily try to fix it in her own way? I think it's perfectly acceptable to expect someone to ask a parent's permission before they cut a child's hair so you are not being unreasonable if you ask her to do this.

WoTmania · 31/01/2015 21:37

I would be livid . If your DH is happy to talk to her get him to. It'll be better coming from him. You need to be able to trust her.

Original poster
SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:38

Thanks Lottie. The more I think about this the more I think I should say something myself. Not confrontational in any way just "his hair actually looks ok but you won't do it again will you?"

OP posts:
bubalou · 31/01/2015 21:39

ShockShockShock

I'd go fucking mental - but that's just me. It's not her job or her place and I would make it very clear she is not to do that again!

Original poster
SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:40

Then ask DP to jump in and back me up. And I know FIL will agree too so we will be a united front.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 31/01/2015 21:42

Put your foot down. What she's done undermines you.

pepperpigmustdie · 31/01/2015 21:42

My Grandmother AND stepmother did this to me, my mother used to go ape shit, they were both under the impression that if they cut it regularly it would grow back thicker. Obviously that isn't true. My step mother also cut a chunk out of my eye brow leaving a scar whist snipping my fringe, how my mother restrained herself I do not know, but she never cut it again!

Bring it up and set your stall out now.

happywanderingwithdog · 31/01/2015 21:44

So she looks after your child for a day a week, every week? Do you have any idea how lucky you are? I'd be counting my blessings rather than fussing over hair that will grow back in no time.

landrover · 31/01/2015 21:46

I totally agree that YANBU, but I do think that it should be your decision to have your sons hair cut, not your sons decision. What 2 year old wants their hair cutting, but if its in his eyes it should be cut shorter IMHO x

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/01/2015 21:49

It was in his eyes- how annoying and uncomfortable that must be.

Why do you ask a 2yo if they want their hair cut? Just take them in and sit them on the chair Hmm
Maybe she said "Shall I trim your hair DS2" and he said yes.
Hairdresser or barber? My DS went to the barber with DH when he was tiny so by the time he got his hair cut he was fine.

But I cannot abide long hair on boys so I;d have cut it too.

poorincashrichinlove · 31/01/2015 21:49

My MIL did this & I was gutted. I had to let her know I was upset & it would take me a while to get over it (it was SHORT). MIL was very sorry, DS hair grew (as it does) & I got over it. Good luck OP

wreckingball · 31/01/2015 21:50

Funny isn't it, how we're all different.
I would have HATED MoL to cut my DCs hair and would have gone batshit if she had.
But DGD needs a tiny bit off her fringe as it's in her eyes, I joked to DP about cutting it last night when DGD was here overnight ( she's 13 months) but I would NEVER have done it.
So, today shit stirring DP joked to DiL about me saying it and she said 'God I wish you had, I daren't do it and it seems daft to take her to a hairdresser'.
Whaddya do. Smile

MrsLindor · 31/01/2015 21:52

I once asked mil to take dd for a fringe cut, she nearly burst with excitement, dd came back with a very fancy plait.

Maybe it's a thing for gps?

Original poster
SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 22:03

I hear you happy. The DCs love them to bits and vice versa. They ask on a daily basis "is it a grandma and grandad day?" They even call me and DP grandma and Grandad for a while after being with them. I thank my lucky stars for them and I will always be greatful.

OP posts: