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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL cut 2 year old's hair.

84 replies

SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 21:07

MIL has DS2 one day a week and does a brilliant job. He loves going to her. He has only ever had one hair cut over a year ago. His hair is very wispy and curly so it is not that long. I am not specifically growing it but when DS1 goes to the hairdresser we ask if he wants his doing and he always says no.

MIL sent a text to me at work confessing the cut saying it was in his eyes. I got home to find she has cut a fringe but also all the back. Its still quite long but more of a he-man style bob.

I am suppressing some annoyance but AIBU to just let this go. My instinct tells me not to rock the boat as she is an incredibly stubborn woman but I also don't want her to do it again.

OP posts:

skankingpiglet · 31/01/2015 22:04

wreckingball just ask first and everyone's a winner
OP I'd have gone apeshit as I'd have been pretty furious and have a tendency to jump straight in without room for diplomacy. Later on I would have wished I'd taken a step back, silently smouldered, and asked politely and firmly that it never happens again.
I may be sensitive about this though as when I was about 6 my DF took it upon himself to cut my hair that was bum length up to a bob just to upset DM (they had divorced when I was very small) even though I didn't want it cut either. It took years to grow back.

Lovelydiscusfish · 31/01/2015 22:05

My MIL did this, then denied it too (expecting us to believe dd's hair had selectively fallen out, leaving a fringe formation).
I was mildly annoyed, but couldn't really justify this annoyance to myself, so I let it go. I don't really think I should mind too much what sort of haircut dd has, as long as it's not uncomfy for her - at least, while she's still young enough not to care what it looks like herself.
That said, I was a bit irritated. But my I really like my MIL, so I wouldn't fall out with her over something like this. Also, in some ways the denying it was quite funny.

Original poster

SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 22:09

Lovely that made me laugh. I have actually long suspected MIL cutting his hair but I think she just got carried away this time! Selectively falling out in a fringe formation. Love it!

OP posts:

ChippingInLatteLover · 31/01/2015 22:10

She's definitely crossed the line. One of you needs to calmly make that clear.

Original poster

SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 22:16

Just to clarify MIL said she cut it because it was in his eyes but she also cut all round the back. So unless he was wearing it in a reverse comb over this was not entirely the reason. I have never thought it was in his eyes it just does not fall that way. I have no fringe and my hair is not in my eyes. If I felt strongly that he should have a hair cut I would not ask him but I don't mind.

OP posts:

drudgetrudy · 31/01/2015 22:18

No-it is not "A thing for grandparents". She was out of order.
Many grandparents could see that.

Original poster

SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 22:18

Skank. Sorry to hear about your hair. I just had a flashback of when I was about 10. I asked for a Bob and got a boys haircut. That was bad.

OP posts:

Shonajay · 01/02/2015 04:35

I'd be livid too, but you need to be firm but fair if you want to keep a good relationship. My FIL once smacked my three year old after having him for a day. I calmly (while seething inside) said if he couldn't cope with looking after my child for a few hours then he needn't do it again, and if he ever hit either of my kids again that would be the last he would see of them. I coped without resorting to hitting and had two 17 months apart, one of whom never slept.

I'd say, i know you meant no harm but it's not your place to do things like this without asking. If you do it again etc. firm but fair.

musicalendorphins2 · 01/02/2015 05:10

I would take him to the hairdressers for a proper cut, and get my dh to let her know that you took him there to get it fixed, and for her to never alter your child's appearance without permission again. (or do it yourself if you want to)
Personally, I would not bring him back to her until she apologized. She was out of order doing that. I would not care that my child asked if it is a grandma day, I would outright lie and say she was sick. How dare she!

JessieMcJessie · 01/02/2015 05:45

He's 2 years old. It's hair and will grow back. Nobody gives a shit about 2 year olds' hairstyles and you say yourself it looks OK. First world problem. Get over yourself.

awfulomission · 01/02/2015 05:46

Something similar happened with ds1. I was upset but as we're not a 'go apeshit' family I just told her I felt upset by what she'd done and that id rather she didn't do it again. If it had just been a fringe trim, no worries, but total restyle not ok!

Aridane · 01/02/2015 05:59

OP - you sound the most reasonable and balanced poster I have ever seen on Mumsnet in relation to 'my MIL cut my dc's hair'! You didn't go apeshit / stabby /NC / homicidal!

Original poster

SummerHouse · 01/02/2015 06:20

Thanks aridane.I am glad you posted.

OP posts:

Ejzuudjej · 01/02/2015 06:39

Jessie how lovely you are .

OP you sound very gracious. I agree your DH speaking to her is the best course of action. She was out of line to do it.

Original poster

SummerHouse · 01/02/2015 08:08

70isalimitnotatarget the only thing I agree with in your post is your name. I was not looking for advice on how to get him to have a haircut but as yours would involve using a time machine it's just as well. You sound intolerant. You can't "abide" long hair on boys and would cut it yourself. Your world of short back and sides would be very boring IMO.

Thank you very much to everyone else for your constructive comments.

OP posts:

Ejzuudjej · 01/02/2015 08:12

I think long hair on little boys is lovely Summer. Ignore the grumblebums.

chrome100 · 01/02/2015 08:13

I genuinely don't see any problem. It's just hair and will grow back. It's not like she have him a tattoo!

Original poster

SummerHouse · 01/02/2015 08:20

Thanks ejzuu. I agree. I also confess to loving his new he-man look. I think he would be cute whatever.

Chrome - I am smirking at the idea of him coming home next week with an "i love grandma" tattoo.

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/02/2015 08:32

It's hair, it'll grow back but yeah agree your MIL has to be told (yes told) that it's not to happen again...unless she wants DGC let lose on her hair with the Crayola scissors next tip she has a nap at yours

Have read a few similar threads - why do people wait til the parents aren't there to do this? Surely two people (one to cut and one to distract) would do a better job?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/02/2015 08:33

Loose*

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/02/2015 08:34

Tip - time*

Fabulassie · 01/02/2015 08:38

My oldest has beautiful silver blond hair. I was growing it out. We were going for the surfer look. My mil cut his hair into a lopsided fringe while I was in the hospital giving birth. I was unhappy but didn't say anything. My husband went off on her, though, and she was sorry. She's a nice lady.

Original poster

SummerHouse · 01/02/2015 08:38

Oh my word. The thought of DS2 cutting grandma's hair has made this for me. This is genius!

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/02/2015 08:43

Original poster

SummerHouse · 01/02/2015 08:43

Fabu you sound like a brilliant daughter in law. You remind me that actually for all her faults she is a brilliant MIL. I am going to just let this go... But I might gently warn her not to take her usual afternoon snooze.. ....

OP posts:

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