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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to tell my DCs they have Trust Funds?

59 replies

Onthedoorstep · 14/01/2015 16:14

We are NOT well off but a relative has recently died and I've discovered my children have (shockingly) been left enough money in Trust funds to pay for their university education (nothing for the rest of us!). :)

I don't want to tell them. At the moment they are not of the age where it matters, but I am worried that if it gets out that (a) they will take it for granted and (b) ex-husband will stop saving for them!

What is the right way of handling this?

OP posts:

HatieKokpins · 14/01/2015 16:16

Keep it a secret, let the kids have the funds when they need them. It doesn't need to be a big deal.

FruChristerOla · 14/01/2015 16:19

I agree, no need to tell your DC - especially if they're too young to understand.

And absolutely no need to tell your XH.

ohbollocks2u · 14/01/2015 16:19

keep shtum about it

mumblechum1 · 14/01/2015 16:21

You don't have to tell them; are they entitled to the funds at 18 or a later date?

Obviously once they reach the age specified in the will they have to know.

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 14/01/2015 16:24

They are entitled to the funds to pay university costs as long as the Trustees (solicitors) agree it. So the money doesn't even have to pass through their hands....

Thanks - I was feeling a bit bad about keeping it a secret...

OP posts:

CallMeExhausted · 14/01/2015 16:26

My DS (16) has only been told about his trust fund recently as, for him, it will help him decide about what school to attend and whether he studies at home or away.

It was set up for him at birth, but a sizeable amount was added to it when his grandfather passed. His aunts (a lawyer and a banker) have been administering it, allowing me to remain at arm's length, which I like.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 14/01/2015 16:28

Sensible!

Having said that I would tell them as they get closer to applying for university time, you don't want them picking something because it's cheap if that's not actually a factor.

Taz1212 · 14/01/2015 16:37

I'm on the fence. I was the beneficiary of a large family trust. I think always knew I was going to inherit it in general terms but didn't know the extent of it until I was 15. My father had planned to tell me later but things happened. I was told primarily because he wanted me to be prepared for it and know how to manage it, but also to start to brainwash me that when I did receive it, it wasn't for spending.

My DC will eventually inherit it, and I'm not sure when I will tell them the specifics. DS is 12 and does know about it in general terms, but I can't see telling him the details at 15! In your case, I would probably hold off until they are 16 or so...

Charitybelle · 14/01/2015 17:01

We are saving for our dc, nothing crazy, but it will be several thousand each when they get to 18. Enough to pay for uni (hopefully) or a small deposit on a property (wishful thinking )

We won't be telling because a) we don't want them to get complacent. I had a part time job as soon as I was 16 and have always had a good work ethic mainly borne out of having to earn my own money and strive for things. And b) because the money will remain in our name until we see fit to give it to them for something worthwhile. I don't see that them knowing this would be helpful at all until the point they need it.
So - different scenario but same principles I think. Don't tell them until they're studying for a'levels and starting to think seriously about uni. It might help inform their choices. HTH

QuintlessShadows · 14/01/2015 17:05

Dont say anything.

We are in the lucky but awkward position that a relative left ds1 funds to pay for his uni. Ds2 was not yet born. Ds1 is nearly 13, so it will be relevant to him soon, but we have not been able to save much for ds2, so will have to cross that bridge when we get there.

watchingthedetectives · 14/01/2015 18:03

My parents have set up a fund for all their grandchildren - we have told them about it in broad terms but emphasised that it is for 'sensible' expenditure only such as university/flat deposit although it won't get them far with that

It would be difficult if they decided they wanted to use it for fripperies but so far so good.

TheAwfulDaughter · 14/01/2015 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

maninawomansworld · 14/01/2015 18:19

I wouldn't tell a sole. There is no possible benefit to you or the children, only negatives. Keep quiet!

bitofanoddone · 14/01/2015 18:22

If you're worried about keeping it a secret, just give it to me. I'll look after it for ya

londonrach · 14/01/2015 18:26

Dont say anything. How old are dc? They may want to use the money for a deposit if they dont go to uni. Better for uni or house rather than lego, latest ipad etc...

usualsuspect333 · 14/01/2015 18:29

What if they don't go to university?

velvetspoon · 14/01/2015 18:32

Depends - is the money only to pay uni costs? Ie if they don't make it to uni they don't get anything?

If that's the case I'd tell them, it will surely spur them on. My eldest is in yr 12, and lots of his peers aren't sure about uni because of the costs.

My DC know they will be given money in about 8 years time when an endowment I have matures. However it's a slightly different situation in that it's my endowment, I fully intend to give it to them BUT for a house/flat deposit, or car, or to pay off uni debts, so far as I can I wont allow them to waste it!

ElviraCondomine · 14/01/2015 18:34

While I would never advocate paying for tuition fees up front as the loans are excellent value, it's a simple fact that the loan for the cost of living is so small that it frequently doesn't even cover the cost of halls, let alone food, books, clothes, travel and entertainment. For students who don't intend to live at home being supported with accommodation by parents, university is very rarely 'free' any more. That money could make a huge difference - I know I'd rather my DC were in better, more secure accommodation than some grotty shared flat a half hour bus ride from the university buildings, and also not having to compromise their studies in order to do 20 hours work per week just so they can eat and pay for essential equipment.

Notnaice · 14/01/2015 18:35

The buy to let keeps them in on par with the housing market. That's what we've done with our kids money.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 14/01/2015 18:36

I'd tell them, it will encourage them to get the grades etc
I'd also tell the ex as he is their parent too, would be different if it was joint savings but unless you are matching him he should also have the chance to cut down on the savings or spend it on them now.

Theboodythatrocked · 14/01/2015 18:41

In your case definatly keep under your hat.

Our teen dd has received a very substantial compensation deal following an accident. She's 15 and we Havnt told her how much as agree with other posters we want her to still strive.

It's hers by law at 18 though so hoping for the best

Theboodythatrocked · 14/01/2015 18:44

Agree with the uni fees. Tuition costs are no problem but if kids want To live away from home the loan barely covers rent let alone food, books, travel, etc.

Our uni kids cost us a fortune as 2 were there at the same time . Horrendous.

AppleAndBlackberry · 14/01/2015 18:50

YANBU, I'm not planning on telling mine, it will be a nice surprise for them when they are mature enough to have it.

Original poster

Onthedoorstep · 14/01/2015 18:51

It is enough to cover living costs (it equates to the average student debt).

It is to be used for graduate and post-graduate work. They are both academic (fortunately!).

The Trustees have the final decision over how it is spent, so if they didn't want to go to university, they could have that option....

OP posts:

GoddessWhoWalksEarthAsWoman · 14/01/2015 18:51

I agree don't tell them or XH.. But I think that Snow White is right about setting aspirations high. I've always talked to DD about "when" she goes to university (not "if")

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