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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just leave dd to scream it out

92 replies

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:03

so dd (16 months) is going through a horrific time with sleep or rather lack of it at the moment.

she went down at 6 with no issues as normal but yet again woke at 8 screaming and is still up. tried putting her back down but she just screams but I can't get anything done at all.

we have tried cc in the past but she doesn't give in. I live in a semi and her bedroom adjoins next door. would I be really out of order to just leave her to cry it out and then take a bottle of wine round to next door in the morning to apologise?

OP posts:

Annunziata · 04/01/2015 21:05

Just give her a cuddle and calm her down. She's not going to go to sleep screaming.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:08

She won't let me cuddle her been trying for an hour! she wriggles away and then just cries, whinges and tries to play. every time I try to stop her and get her to calm down she fights and cries

OP posts:

Bluecarrot · 04/01/2015 21:11

I'm personally not a fan of cc. So if you want a go - ahead, stop reading this post.

I know what it's like to have a dd who doesn't sleep well, but you can handle if two ways. Stress out and force things or play it all by ear.

I let my dd ( now 12) get up and play quietly in the living room. Would be quiet toys, low lighting etc. We didn't have a tv, but blue light is stimulating do would have it off. A wee bit if toast and a drink maybe too. Minimal quiet interaction.

Not everyone's cup of tea though!

DandyHighwayman · 04/01/2015 21:11

Can you move the cot so it's not sited up against the adjoining wall?

I would go take her into your bed and co sleep tonight then formulate a plan in the morning (but do appreciate this ain't for everybody). Lots of folk back to work tomorrow after the xmas break, urgh at a potential broken night for your neighbours beforehand.

Screaming it out is really hard on everyone.

pinkr · 04/01/2015 21:11

Six is quite early for bed?
Why let her scream and be unhappy? Its cruel

PossumPoo · 04/01/2015 21:11

Not helpful, but isn't 6 a bit early?

Why don't you try pick up put down? I've had to do it once with dd and it worked well.

Finola1step · 04/01/2015 21:13

Can you sit in her room, door closed, low light, minimal interaction and let her play/ wind down? Then cuddles and back into bed.

Is she sleeping in the day? If she's going down at 6 but then waking up at 8, it sounds like she's settling for a nap rather than for a full night.

You have my full sympathy. Have spent many an evening/ night in dcs' room settling and resettling.

ScrumpyBetty · 04/01/2015 21:14

Is she teething? Maybe trapped wind? DS had a terrible time with trapped wind at 15/16 months, we used to give him mint tea in his bottle at night(cooled obviously)
I think leaving her to scream is quite harsh, you say you've tried CC in the past and it didn't work, why is that? I think it does work if you are consistent, we did it with DS, but we never left him for longer than 1-2 mins at a time before going in to calmly resettle him, telling him it was sleep time and leaving again. So it wasn't too harsh and it works if you preserve.
I appreciate how hard sleep deprivation is and how much it frazzled your nerves so good luck whatever you choose to do.

notonyourninny · 04/01/2015 21:16

Its your call. If so might be worth moving the cot?

I personally would not do it but would take her downstairs and go with it. But its your call. Dc4 would not go down until cut his sleep
Out a few weeks ago, hes 25 months.

Petallic · 04/01/2015 21:17

I have used CIO (20 mins max) after everything else didn't work, but it didn't work if they have already gone to sleep - it was only for the initial settling. So I would also bring downstairs for an hour and probably give a dose of calpol and milk as I would assume if ithey woke after 2 hours that they were either teething or feeling grotty because of a bug doing the rounds.

notonyourninny · 04/01/2015 21:18

Agree 6 might be to early. Maybe try a later bedtime first.

weeblueberry · 04/01/2015 21:20

No advice because mine is only 20 months but if she goes down at 6pm what time does she wake up?

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:22

I hate the idea of cc to be honest I think it's just evil although appreciate that it works for some. hv suggested it as a last resort when she was suffering separation anxiety and we tried it for 6 weeks and I got no sleep at all because she simply never gave in!

she out grew her cot so is in a bed and unfortunately it's a bunk bed set as her and dsd share a room and it doesn't fit on any other wall.

co-sleeping doesn't help. tried it last night and she still screamed and cried. she has no teething symptoms at the moment and no trapped wind.

she hasn't been sleeping well in the day and just crashed out at 6. but she normally goes down between 630 and 7 and up until 3 weeks ago she was sleeping through fine.

part of me thinks it's the whole build up to xmas etc and her being out of routine with dsc's being here and being busy with visitors etc.

OP posts:

BrockAuLit · 04/01/2015 21:22

Another who thinks 6 is quite early. At that age she Could nap maybe three times a day, maybe two, last nap getting her up for around 5pm, then dinner, bath and bed for 7.39, then up and about any time from 6am onwards.

Bigbadgeorge · 04/01/2015 21:22

6 is very early. Like PP said may be just 'napping' then is wide awake

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:24

if I am lucky she has 1 nap in the day

OP posts:

notonyourninny · 04/01/2015 21:25

She sounds like a strong willed little lady! Honestly, if 6 weeks cc didn't work, do you think cio is going to.

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 04/01/2015 21:27

Sounds like she needs something but can't tell you. It's not a cuddle, you've tried that. Has she got a wet or dirty nappy? Too warm? Too cold? Drink? Calpol (might be teeth)? Hungry?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 04/01/2015 21:29

3 naps at 16 months?? My DD is 13 months and only has one .

OP we are in a similar situation, DD goes to bed at 7.30 but the past few nights has been waking up at 10 and just won't settle again. It's a nightmare. I left her crying for a couple of mins last night and it felt like a eternity. Even though nothing I do stops her crying I still feel better that I'm in the room so she knows I'm not abandoning her. Hoping it's just a phase. You have my sympathies.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:31

Not, no not really but have run out of ideas

purple - have changed her, she has thrown her juice cup and milk bottle at me and refused it. as I said she isn't teething and isn't ill.

her room is the right temp she doesn't feel too hot or cold. she is just going through a very stubborn stage and a battle of wills. she wants to play and she has been playing quietly albeit with the odd whinge for an hour and a half and still will not go down.

have popped her in her room as I need to pop the dog in the garden and empty the bin and I know she is safe but she is crying and stressed.

I love the bones of her but I really hate that she has inherited my stubborn streak.

OP posts:

ChocLover2015 · 04/01/2015 21:37

Is it normal , the waking up at 8 after putting her down at 6?
I too think 6 am is far too early a bedtime

Rainiswet · 04/01/2015 21:40

This was us a few months back but my DD is a tad older. We have always had a 7pm bedtime except for special occasions and all of a sudden things began to be a fight. I changed the routine slightly. We have tea at 430-530 depending on what we are having what shift I'm on, then it's bath and wind down. Anything that she wants to do up until bedtime. So watch a dvd, read, play sometimes she even helps me put the washing away. But it's all upstairs and she feels like she has control. I'm pottering not nagging and when it comes for bed she's ready as she has touched everything before hand. Might not be any help but it has worked for us.

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 04/01/2015 21:40

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:41

like I have said she normally goes down between 630-7 and up until 3 weeks ago she slept through until about 530-6am so 6pm is not unusual for her at all. the last few weeks however she has started to wake between 8-9 and is then up for hours although is constantly whinging and crying because she is tired but she just won't give in to it

OP posts:

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 04/01/2015 21:43

And I disagree that 6 is too early, my 2yo goes to bed - as in is asking for it and clearly tired, then sleeps for 12+ hours - at 5:30. He gets wakeful during the night and shouty when he's overtired, so needs an earlier not later night. I'd quite like a 7pm bedtime but for him it doesn't work! It's up to the OP whether her child's bedtime needs changing, hopefully we can provide a bit of moral support and maybe some suggestions of what it might be that will help Right Now :)

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