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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just leave dd to scream it out

92 replies

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:03

so dd (16 months) is going through a horrific time with sleep or rather lack of it at the moment.

she went down at 6 with no issues as normal but yet again woke at 8 screaming and is still up. tried putting her back down but she just screams but I can't get anything done at all.

we have tried cc in the past but she doesn't give in. I live in a semi and her bedroom adjoins next door. would I be really out of order to just leave her to cry it out and then take a bottle of wine round to next door in the morning to apologise?

OP posts:
RumbleMum · 04/01/2015 22:54

OP I appreciate this is a frustrating situation but the fact she's always gone to bed early doesn't mean the people suggesting changing her bedtime aren't listening. Sometimes bedtime routines need to be tweaked and it can happen quite suddenly, just like when they drop a daytime nap. Smile

Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:55

dixie - quite the opposite really. we have had my dsc's a fair bit so we have been out and about more and she refuses to use the pushchair when they are charging about so she has been wearing herself out more. I did wonder if part of it was muscular aches etc with her having been running ming about etc but she has had a quieter day today and still woken.

it would seem it's just a phase and hopefully she will get back to her normal routine soon - preferably before I run. out of ironed clothes!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 04/01/2015 22:56

Fair enough. Walk her around the block in a pushchair and then transfer her when deeply asleep?? DS went through a stage of needing to be physically strapped down in order to sleep. Bizarre and I probably could have dealt with it another way but I was desperate.

Purplepoodle · 04/01/2015 22:57

Pretty sure there's a sleep regression around this age. All I can say is keep her in the bedroom when she wakes and sit with her. Make it utterly boring.

RumbleMum · 04/01/2015 23:00

Hopefully it's just one of those deeply annoying and frustrating phases they suddenly leave behind without explanation then. I say just but we've had plenty of those and they've reduced me to tears on a daily basis, so lots of luck and sympathy from me.

WD41 · 04/01/2015 23:02

I'd keep her up later. Just because she's always gone to bed early doesn't mean she always will...my DD went through so many phases with sleeping when she was younger.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:02

bertie that would be great if the pushchair wasn't in the boot of my car! Grin

scream it out with me in the room still involves wine to the neighbours though! good job she is a lovely old lady who doesn't work!

OP posts:
PhilomenaCunk · 04/01/2015 23:02

Not read the whole thread but dd went through exactly this at 16 months. Previously she had slept beautifully. I can't / won't do CC/CIO, so we had to go with sitting quietly in her room until she caved to sleep, sometimes patting her hand or holding her, if she was happy for us to do it.

It was hell. It lasted for about two months.

She slept like a charm again once she'd got through it.

I pinned it on separation anxiety, as I think it's at this age they begin to work out that they are truly separate entities to their carers. That's a mind-blowing idea to come to terms with. But to be honest what got me through was making sure my DH and I tag-teamed and that we were fed each night before it began. It's easier to be tolerant if you're not hungry...

DixieNormas · 04/01/2015 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:05

wd41 - that doesn't help! if I don't put her down when she falls asleep or I try and keep her up the issue gets a whole lot worse! we tried that over christmas and I spent 2 nights Sat on the dark on the sofa with her singing row row at me til 4 in the morning because she had got herself overtired and then couldn't settle to sleep.

she goes to bed when she does because that is when she is tired and wants to go to sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:09

philomena she sees me in her room as something to play on/with so ot really doesn't help! we tried that before the cc when the separation anxiety kicked in before.

I wasn't aware there was another sleep regression phase at this age so maybe I need to do a bit more research on that and look for some suggestions.

Dp has been on shut down at work so has been around a lot more than usual and having the dsc's here always over excites her so I am hoping it is that and once she gets her normal routines back that she will go back to sleeping. I am starting to job hunt so I need her back to normal before I go back to work or I will be a write off!

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 04/01/2015 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schweetheart · 04/01/2015 23:12

Going to guess that she's overtired and needs more sleep in the daytime. 2 naps isn't that unusual at that age.

I would also try for a longer wind-down / bedtime routine and when she kicks off, give her minimal interaction. I don't mean leave her but if she's got an inkling this is getting you wound up or getting her extra attention that might be some of it.

Good luck!

Isindethickofit · 04/01/2015 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:17

kitty - yup I could definitely live without the added guilt! luckily the ndn is lovely and always claims not to have heard a thing but considering dd's screams could wake the dead I really don't believe her!

schweet - i would love her to have a second nap again but she simply refuses! she used to get up at 630 and then nap from 930-1030 and then again from 2-3 but although she still gets up about 630-7 she now won't nap until 1130 but goes for longer and then won't nap again. I have tried waking her after an hour in the hope she will nap later but she doesn't she just becomes this vile devil child who won't dp as she is told or leave me alone. she insists then on being carried/cuddled and screams blue murder if you put her down.

OP posts:
WinnieTheBitch · 04/01/2015 23:20

Not a ear infection?
I looked after a little boy and he would be his normal self during the day but at night after 2/3 hours he would wake up screaming and then be up on and off though the night and want to play - no red ear, no pulling at his ear's, etc may be worth a shot or propping the mattress up at a angle to help any pressure on ears?

Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:23

bananas who'd have thought! may have to get some in as she does like them.

she is a fiesty madam (don't know where she gets it from Blush) and she has an exceptional will. she likes the last word so she doesn't give in lightly.

OP posts:
Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:27

don't they normally come with a temperature though winnie? if not how so you tell if they have one? not sure the gp will be interested without a temperature

OP posts:
poocatcherchampion · 04/01/2015 23:28

Exact same situation here tonight op. She got into a right state too as she was so tired. We tried calpol and everything.

Couldn't let her cry in her room as her 2yo sis is there. And she woke up once in the palava.

Eventually dh got her to sleep in our bed and then transferred her.
Am vaguley remembering poor sleep in dd1 at this age so maybe it is sleep regression/developmental leap.

We are totally clueless what to do as they are normally both good sleepers (6pm too - 8am) do we felt like amateurs.
Hope we are all sorted soon!

Kittymum03 · 04/01/2015 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhilomenaCunk · 04/01/2015 23:33

It is a pissing nightmare.

We also just quietly read to her (probably harry potter, though it might as well have been a phone book) - she seemed to like hearing our voices. Tbh though, it might just have been that it felt like we were 'doing' something rather than nothing. And better than head butting the radiator in pure frustration. (That was me, not dd)

Original poster
wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 23:54

Haha philomena the radiator thing is popular in this house too!!

I hate seeing her so distressed especially when the reason is she is tried but she refuses to give in bit she is still a baby and has no idea that actually if she just stayed in bed and went back to sleep it would all be better.

it breaks my heart seeing her cry and scream which is why I just can't bring myself to do full blown cc again cos it was awful! and it did nothing except make extra washing foe me as she would scream and cry until she was sick.

I am hoping given a few days of normal that she will right herself - what with end of term Christmas concerts etc that dss absolutely insisted I went too and took dd to (he wanted to show her off to his friends and teachers) her routine has been thrown completely out the window and having had dp home too when he isn't normally here has excited her too.

it is nights like these when I really wish wine didn't taste like nats piss to me!

OP posts:
Norfolkandchance1234 · 05/01/2015 00:03

No idea but 6pm seems a bit early if this keeps happening night after night.

Maybe she has toothache or earache. I'd give her some calpol for a couple of nights.

Plus The festive season puts everyone's body clocks out of sync.

PurpleSwift · 05/01/2015 00:19

Everyone kids are different. I have a similarly aged child and he goes to bed at 6pm (has done for about 8 months now) and he wakes between 7:30-9am. He doesn't nap though and if he does nap he won't go to sleep until about 9pm.
I did cc (I used the method on super nannies site) it was 4-5 evenings/nights of HELL but absolutely worth it for us. Al lot less stressful for us both over time as like you, my son didn't want to cuddle. He was too tired and couldnt drop off, any cuddles we attempted to give him only made it worse/prolonged it, we tried everything else first.

PurpleSwift · 05/01/2015 00:21

Also children have a habit of altering their routines without letting to know. So try experimenting with wake up times/naps/bed times.