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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just leave dd to scream it out

92 replies

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:03

so dd (16 months) is going through a horrific time with sleep or rather lack of it at the moment.

she went down at 6 with no issues as normal but yet again woke at 8 screaming and is still up. tried putting her back down but she just screams but I can't get anything done at all.

we have tried cc in the past but she doesn't give in. I live in a semi and her bedroom adjoins next door. would I be really out of order to just leave her to cry it out and then take a bottle of wine round to next door in the morning to apologise?

OP posts:

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 04/01/2015 21:44

Scratchy label in her clothes?

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:45

thanks for the but I don't drink so will swap for the last of the Christmas schloer if that's ok

she is such a happy girl normally it's just this flaming sleep refusal that's driving me nuts. it probably doesn't help that I have an awful cough this week so I am probably waking her up coughing authentic moment although I didn't have a coughing fit tonight.

we have had dsc's most of Christmas so her routine has been out of kilter. plus the excitement of lots of new toys to play with that she doesn't want to put away

she is shattered and is laying on the floor playing with bits from her toy kitchen.

OP posts:

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 21:48

purple - i cut the labels out cos I hate them in my clothes!

I am hoping it's cos she loves me and just wants cuddles with mummy but the reality is she wants to play with her toys. although she has just covered me over with her blanket and stroked my leg!

OP posts:

Marmiteandjamislush · 04/01/2015 21:56

Hi OP, DS2 went through this at 5months -18months. It was vile. So by goodness you have my sympathy. I would say that sometimes for your own sanity, you have to put them down in their cot to scream for 10mins, some children just do not respond to to being cuddled, walked, jigged, sang to ect. and just scream! Sometimes with Ds the removal of me and all stimulation would send him off, but sometimes it wouldn't. I was still exhausted and considered that putting him down to scream on his own for 10mins so that I could pee, have a drink, step outside and refresh, was the lesser of two evils.

If it helps, he's almost 4 yo now and sleeps relatively well and has no attachment issues.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:02

marmite that's good to hear that he sleeps well now! she has finally calmed and is just laying on me quietly so hopefully she will just drift off.

and for those criticising tge time she goes to bed, she crested her own routine and her own bedtime. we have never forced her into anything. she is tired and goes to bed

OP posts:

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 04/01/2015 22:04

Shloer sounds good! Maybe she does need to be left alone? Mine refused to sleep unless on one of us, in the sling or occasionally in the car until 11 months. Then he'd nap in the buggy and now, as long as warm and clean (fussy about nappies) just wants to be left to it. If it were mine, I would do everything I needed to to get through tonight then make damn sure he had a long nap tomorrow, even if that means driving endlessly around in the car or whatever works have you got a drive through Costa nearby?

FWIW from what you say, she may well be overtired. Unfortunately that means tonight might be a bit of a write off but hopefully you can fix it tomorrow. Can your OH take the breakfast shift (from experience, mine wakes around 5 when overtired, bah) with her so you can grab a lie in at least till he goes to work?

minipie · 04/01/2015 22:05

if she's been sleeping through till recently then there must be something going on. Developmental leap (big leap in walking or talking?) The new toys does sound like a possible cause, maybe put some of them away so there is less exciting stuff around?

Since she's been sleeping through till recently, I would put it down to a phase and roll with it to some extent. so not leave her to scream but not get her up either - Id probably take the wussy middle path of going in every 15 mins to cuddle her and tuck her back in...

KitbitAgain · 04/01/2015 22:07

I've been here. I'd second the others about the early bedtime, she may well have chosen it but you can still tweak it, just keep her entertained for an hour till 7.
For emergency meltdowns we used to start the whole bedtime routine again, bath, cuddles, story, bed. Reset and repeat. The more you reinforce the bedtime cues the easier this gets.
Good luck op, for my 2 pence worth cc or cio don't work they just create upset and stress.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/01/2015 22:09

I would let her find her own routine, all children are different and i'm sure its the screaming you want to stop.
keep her up until she is clearly tired and let her play for a bit, going to bed at 6pm does sound early, maybe she isn't tired when you put her down and she is awake for too long.

Iggly · 04/01/2015 22:12

I don't think you can put it down to stubbornness, the fact she goes down at 6pm and wakes at 8pm. What's stubborn about that? Maybe she's so overtired that she wakes up and cannot resettle so is pissed off. Or something is wrong.

I would put her to bed slightly later as 6pm isn't working and wake her the same time every morning to reset her clock. Also stay in the room with her but don't touch her when she wakes to see if that helps.

campingfilth · 04/01/2015 22:18

I think 6 is very early maybe try an hour later

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:23

if I put her to bed any later the issue gets a whole lot worse because then she is over tired and we end up with total meltdown.

purple does a drive-thru Starbucks count?!

dp works nights so unfortunately he cannot help with a breakfast shift as he doesn't get in til nearly 8 most mornings as they are under staffed and he can't leave mid job.

no major leaps recently. she walked at 9 months so is well established there. speech has been slowly coming over the last couple of months but nothing major in the last few weeks.

I have put most of her toys but the kitchen is too huge to hide away unfortunately. she has just gone down but does mean the ironing won't get done again

dp is brill and will try and do the donkey work with her when he is home but unfortunately only mummy will do and she will scream the house down if I don't go to her. he would do the ironing if he could actually do it without destroying everything we own!

waking at 8pm has sod all to with stubbornness but the then refusing to go back to bed because she wants to play is

OP posts:

Iggly · 04/01/2015 22:28

My point is that something is causing her to wake at 8pm - that's the problem to solve. Maybe go in just before she wakes and see what it is eg does she wake startled, is there a noise, is she stirring in her sleep etc etc.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:33

iggly nothing is happening other than her waking. no noise, nothing. I have even altered the timing of the heating in case than coming on/going off has been the cause. she just stirs and then wakes up and can't/won't resettle herself. the frustrating thing is that she has settled herself fine since she was 8 weeks old (not a stealth brag I promise) but she slept through at 8 weeks until the separation anxiety at 8 months. that lasted about 8 weeks and she has slept fine until 3 weeks ago.

I don't put her down until she is way tired. in fact tonight she fell asleep on me whilst finishing her milk. she drained her bottle swapped it for her dummy sighed and snored for 15 mins before I took her into her bedroom so believe me when I say she was definitely tired

OP posts:

Nothavingfunrightnow · 04/01/2015 22:39

I agree with the PP who suggested 6pm bed may mean a nap for your DD being the reason why she wakes and cries.

Iggly · 04/01/2015 22:40

Is she too warm or cold? And you say no teething, but how do you know? It doesn't really become apparent until night time for some kids.

Maybe she is just overtired and needs to catch up on that. In which case earlier bedtimes and see if you can get in her room before she wakes, stir her slightly and hope she drifts off (a bit like wake to sleep)

But, and don't take it the wrong way, you're clearly not used to a non-sleeping child and cannot entertain the idea that there might be a cause of waking.

BertieBotts · 04/01/2015 22:41

Have you tried sitting in with her, but she has to lie down and be still and quiet? I used to do this with DS, if he sat up or talked I would count to 3 and if I got to 3 I would leave the room. He would fall asleep in about 20 minutes once he actually relaxed, I used to mumsnet on my phone.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:41

do you people read?!

she has gone down at this time forever the problem has only occurred in the last 3 weeks it has sod all to do with the time she goes to bed

OP posts:

RumbleMum · 04/01/2015 22:44

Sorry if I've missed this from previous posts (have had to skim read which I don't usually do) but could she be overtired? All hell used to break loose with DS1 if he didn't get a decent daytime nap and once he was up, he was up and shouting for his toys. We got through it by driving around for naps if necessary and as little stimulation as possible (I used to lie on a mattress on the floor and let him climb all over me with a low light on while pretending to be asleep, but no toys or tv - I know that's easier said than done though) so it wasn't worth waking up for IYSWIM. Good luck!

DixieNormas · 04/01/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:49

bertie yes have tried to just sit with her but she simply won't sit still and her language isn't at a stage yet where she understands enough iyswim.

normally I put her in her carseat and go for a drive, she can't move about or play so has to just chill if that makes sense. but tonight dp has had to take my car to work as he had a problem with his and didn't have time to sort it. we only have 1 carseat and it's currently 20 miles away!

iggly I am quite open to possibilities however the ones currently being suggested have been thought of already and discounted.

she has a very distinct pattern when teething and she has absolutely no signs of any of them and considering I with her 24/7 I have a pretty good grasp of when she is/isn't teething

OP posts:

DixieNormas · 04/01/2015 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 04/01/2015 22:52

rumble - no I don't think so. she had a pretty good nap at lunch time and as I say she fell asleep quite easily it is just the waking up and then refusing to settle. we have always encouraged her to self settle, never gone straight to her etc and given her time to calm herself down before going in.

OP posts:

Bluecarrot · 04/01/2015 22:54

Since it worked up til 3 weeks ago, maybe she just needs a change in the routine. Sounds like its no longer working out.
I didn't read through while thread as phone battery about to die, but did you consider a quiet time ( if she won't nap) in late afternoon so she can recharge and maybe when she goes down she can stay down.

PurplePidjingThroughTheSnow · 04/01/2015 22:54

hot and caffeinated counts

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