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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are most men horrible?

79 replies

hopingforamiracle · 03/01/2015 21:55

I don't know of anyone around me that is in a happy relationship. My father is a knob and my stepfather is also a knob and my brother is also a knob.

How can I meet a decent guy that isn't a knob and not already taken? I feel like giving up on men - I'm only 23 but I'm so fed up of being messed about. I am ready to settle down but finding someone that wants that and is a nice person is hard :( I've tried online dating for years and no luck.

OP posts:

Blackout234 · 03/01/2015 21:57

Im not sure aibu is theright place for this

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 21:57

Most men aren't horrible any more than most women aren't. Unfortunately you haven't been very lucky so far.

Blackout234 · 03/01/2015 21:57

Try the relationships board.

MooMaid · 03/01/2015 22:00

My DH isn't horrible - the complete opposite. Both sexes have good and bad, it's just learning to spot them.

Whilst I sympathise, your title is a bit harsh and generalises somewhat.

BocaDeTrucha · 03/01/2015 22:00

PuffinsAreFictitious · 03/01/2015 22:00

No, most men aren't horrible, most of them are just people, neither particularly horrible or outstandingly nice. It sounds like some of the ones you know are horrible though, and I'm sorry for that.

OLD seems to be a bit of a minefield. Is there anything you're interested in that you could become more involved in? You might meet someone through that, or just discover that, for now, you can be content with a circle of like minded friends and a hobby/activity you really enjoy.

And yes, I'm aware that I sounded like an agony aunt there, but it helped me at a time when I felt similarly.

CheeseBuster · 03/01/2015 22:01

No. In fact I think they are less horrible than women.

SillyBugger · 03/01/2015 22:04

Men are people too! They're not all horrible, they're just people. There are horrible ones and nice ones and lots in between (and some either side)! I'm in a happy relationship with a lovely man as are many of my friends. Maybe if you see losers all around you and don't believe in nice men, you have been inclined to settle with men you know are not good enough, just because you think that's a normal man. Raise your standards, there are plenty of nice ones out there - don't let the bad ones get in the way.

TipsyMcStaggers · 03/01/2015 22:04

I think anybody can be horrible really. Sorry you're cheesed off
When I had given up on men and thought fuck it, I'll be on my own for a bit, I met my DP. Still together after 9 years and have a baby now.
Maybe just concentrate on you for a bit. It will all work out

SillyBugger · 03/01/2015 22:05

I'm in a happy relationship with a lovely man as are many of my friends.

*Just to clarify: Not the same man.

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 22:09

I thought he must get about a bit SillyBugger

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 03/01/2015 22:13

Most men nowadays aren't great IMO.
I think it's because before men and women had clearly defined roles. Now women work outside the home too but men don't seem to have adapted to this and don't do their fair share. How many threads have there been over christmas about partners not doing anything to help with the children / round the house etc?

I wouldn't say men are necessarily horrible but I hardly know anyone in a happy relationship.

IamTitanium · 03/01/2015 22:15

No.
My DH is not horrible, a dick sometimes as am I, no one is perfect we all do twatty things, but has good morals and ethics.
My Dad is amazing.

lomega · 03/01/2015 22:15

there are some horrible men and some horrible women
there are some nice men and nice women

Sundayplease · 03/01/2015 22:16

I don't think men are horrible but I was only thinking today, they are definitely knobs. In fact my last two relationships ended because the men were general knobs.

Cabrinha · 03/01/2015 22:20

whowillsave
You know that the majority of women for 100s of years have worked outside of the home, right?

Men not adapting to changing roles as an excuse for being nobs? What a load of bullshit!

emms1981 · 03/01/2015 22:21

I've been married for 9 years but my husband is being a dick.
He has a cold, been asleep all night and most of the day and now moaning because I expect him to go do his night shift.

professornangnang · 03/01/2015 22:23

All people are born good. Some men behave badly and some women behave badly. Bad behaviour is about poor decisions and is nothing to do with gender.

CundtBake · 03/01/2015 22:23

I felt this way for a long time too OP, and I'm the same age as you.

I do believe though that in today's society it is easier for men to be arseholes. They get away with it a lot more.

But there are good men. You will find one when the time is right and everything you've been through will feel worth it. Please don't settle for anything less

LingDiLong · 03/01/2015 22:26

You're only 23! You can't be this jaded. Could you be repeating patterns from your childhood if you keep ending up with nobs like those in your family?

I have a fantastic father and brother and my husband is equally fantastic. I think I was set a great example of a respectful relationship with the opposite sex from a very young age.

specialsubject · 03/01/2015 22:27

'most women are horrible' would not be an acceptable comment. Nor is 'most men...'

read the sticky at the top of the relationships board and settle for no less. That way we will breed out the bad people in one generation.

I agree, OP - stop the manhunt and widen interests and friendships. That's how the best relationships start.

yummytummy · 03/01/2015 22:34

i actually agree with you. even though I am much older than you all my male relatives are also not great and I have recently left an abusive marriage with someone who continues to make my life hell. also I don't know anyone in a "happy" relationship whatever that is. I think most men are inherently selfish and will always put their own needs above anything else whereas women are constantly thinking of others and putting themselves last. so if nice men exist I personally don't know any and have pretty much given up hope of finding " a nice man" it/he doesn't exist. I know its quite negative but I think its very very rare to find a decent man if there actually is such a thing

Hatespiders · 03/01/2015 22:34

If you're looking for a perfect angel in a man you won't find one because human beings have faults. But most men I know (and especially my lovely dh) are good men on the whole. Men can be horrid at times as can women, but the vast majority are good at heart most of the time. Don't be discouraged but set aside the search for a while and just enjoy life as it comes. You'll meet a good man I'm sure, when you're least expecting to.

gamerwidow · 03/01/2015 22:34

No most men are not horrible but some are and you seem to have been unlucky in the past. At 23 there is no rush to settle down, get yourself out with your friends and have a bit of fun. Sometimes actively looking for a relationship leaves you vulnerable to the dickheads in the world.

hiddenhome · 03/01/2015 22:37

I find human beings in general are quite horrible.

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