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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are most men horrible?

79 replies

hopingforamiracle · 03/01/2015 21:55

I don't know of anyone around me that is in a happy relationship. My father is a knob and my stepfather is also a knob and my brother is also a knob.

How can I meet a decent guy that isn't a knob and not already taken? I feel like giving up on men - I'm only 23 but I'm so fed up of being messed about. I am ready to settle down but finding someone that wants that and is a nice person is hard :( I've tried online dating for years and no luck.

OP posts:

MollyHoHoHoHooper · 03/01/2015 22:42

Don't be so downhearted, being in your 20's is a funny thing and full of changes. I'm 26 and my life is so much different now than it was 3 years ago.

Stay optimistic and have fun, dwelling on what you don't have won't get you what you want.

Hatespiders · 03/01/2015 22:43

I'm the opposite, hiddenhome. Maybe I'm just lucky, but most people I come across seem to be quite nice folk! I suppose if one watches the News, it can seem as if half the world is intent on massacring the other half, but on a day-to-day basis people are generally very kind and well-meaning.

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 22:45

yummytummy I'm sorry your negative experience has left you open to such generalised stereotyping.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 03/01/2015 22:46

Forget about meeting Men. Get out there and meet some People.

banburycake · 03/01/2015 22:48

Yes all men are knobs. They lie. If it's not women it's money. My theory is it goes back to prehistoric times. Have to pretend they don't know where that mammoth is to keep the other tribe off its scent

LeSquigh · 03/01/2015 22:50

As CheeseBuster said, women are infinitely more horrible than men in my experience. YABU.

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 03/01/2015 22:50

No.

A lot of men are kind and decent.

How do you feel about yourself? People sometimes have a tendency to seek out partners who reinforce what they feel about themselves which is fine if it's positive, but scary if it's negative.

randomAXEofkindness · 03/01/2015 22:56

I find human beings in general are quite horrible.

I have to agree with this, sadly.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 03/01/2015 22:57

There are lots of lovely men out there. You will find one.

treaclesoda · 03/01/2015 22:59

I'm with Hatespiders - I'm constantly pleasantly surprised by how nice most people are.

NoveltySlippers · 03/01/2015 23:01

I think some posters are being harsh here and need to understand that the OP has clearly not had good male role models.

This is a shame, and she hasn't had the good fortune to have experienced an 'amazing' father, brother or partner.

She doesn't need chastising, she needs support and encouragement that her opinion can change and she can meet good men. At her young she it's not surprising if she's a bit angry.

OP - I had a difficult relationship with my father, and I found counselling very helpful to make me realise that not all men are the same. It also went some way to building my self-esteem, which can take a battering when your key male relationship is not good.

You may not need it, but it's something there for you if, one day, you do.

I reiterate the others who have said you have your whole life ahead of you. If I was 23 and could have my time again I'd do a giddy dance right now. (And I'm only 37 - so not that old in the scheme of things .) So much can change - and so much to look forward to!

WilsonWilsonWoman · 03/01/2015 23:02

There seems to be a common denominator in these horrible men you know - your mother. Just because she married two wankers and had a son who was presumably raised by one of the wankers does not in anyway mean that 'most men are horrible' ffs. Get out into the big wide world, broaden your horizons, learn who you are by yourself then start interviewing suitable gentlemen for potential relationships, there's a fuck of a lot of bloody nice blokes out there, honest.

anothernumberone · 03/01/2015 23:08

I know hardly any nasty people irl. All my 20s and 30s have been taken up working mostly with men, as an engineer, i have met many fantastic guys. I would agree with many other posters that there are nice and not nice people about.

Sadly I think not nice can breed not nice in some cases, although some people are really resilient and after taking a life time of shit from not nice people are capable of being really nice. I think life can wear you down though.

Toadinthehole · 03/01/2015 23:10

I'm male, and I'm really horrible.

Coyoacan · 03/01/2015 23:10

If they are I'd have to consider myself very lucky.

WhereIsMySantaHat · 03/01/2015 23:10

No, in my experience, most men (and women) are not horrible.

NoveltySlippers · 03/01/2015 23:15

Again - nice for you all, but I don't think you're really hearing the pain behind the OP's post and the reassurance, encouragement and advice the poster is seeking about how to stop hurting, how to build a more positive view of men - and how to meet the nice ones.

It just seems like lots of you are being unnecessarily defensive and maybe even gloating that you've got nice ones . Not that helpful.

NoveltySlippers · 03/01/2015 23:16

at toadinthehole though

treaclesoda · 03/01/2015 23:21

I don't think anyone was gloating.

Birdsgottafly · 03/01/2015 23:23

""As CheeseBuster said, women are infinitely more horrible than men in my experience. YABU.""

How many women have you all been in relationships with (those that say this?).

The OP is speaking from a sexual relationship, with expected commitments, POV.

As for not knowing any horrible men, abusers don't advertise themselves, that's what makes telling others so difficult, the belief that you won't be believed.

Most women I know, are settling, their DPs would be pulling their weight more, the women would have more leisure time, they wouldn't of had to forgive a lot of bad behaviour, unless they were happy to be alone.

I think that now, men are taking longer to want to settle down and when they do, it's with younger women, do they can still pace the children out.

It's a matter of luck.

I've made the decision to stay single, I'm in my late 40's, there are very few reasonable men about.

NoveltySlippers · 03/01/2015 23:23

Sorry - gloating was actually the wrong word, I realise! Not helpful, though.

BobbyBingoooo · 03/01/2015 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toadinthehole · 03/01/2015 23:28

That said, if I have any advice for the OP, it would be that online dating is a good place to meet knobs.

I would suggest trying to make male friends, i.e., by some kind of recreational activity that men tend to do.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 03/01/2015 23:29

I think unfortunately if you've had a shit dad it can become easy to look for similar men as partners. I had this problem when i was younger. It took a bit of effort and counselling to recognise the pattern and break it.

NoveltySlippers · 03/01/2015 23:32

Exactly, noarmani.

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