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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are most men horrible?

79 replies

hopingforamiracle · 03/01/2015 21:55

I don't know of anyone around me that is in a happy relationship. My father is a knob and my stepfather is also a knob and my brother is also a knob.

How can I meet a decent guy that isn't a knob and not already taken? I feel like giving up on men - I'm only 23 but I'm so fed up of being messed about. I am ready to settle down but finding someone that wants that and is a nice person is hard :( I've tried online dating for years and no luck.

OP posts:
Toadinthehole · 03/01/2015 23:32

Bobby,

You forfeit your man-card by failing to leave your daughter in the bath and going out on the piss with your week's wages.

yummytummy · 03/01/2015 23:33

ilovesooty I have yet to come across a male who has disproved the stereotype. any tips on finding such a specimen welcomed. stereotypes become so as they are based in truth. No need to have a dig at me for my misfortune

NoArmaniNoPunani · 03/01/2015 23:39

OP, I think you'll get more helpful responses if you post in relationships.

Bulbasaur · 03/01/2015 23:41

I know lots of amazing men in my life. I also know a few dicks that if they were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it.

As PP's have said, they're just human. Some are are awesome, some aren't.

Theoretician · 03/01/2015 23:42

I feel most people of both sexes are OK. On the other hand, I tend to suspect that only a tiny minority of relationships aren't shit, even if both people in them are OK. It may be that I'm projecting my own crappy experiences onto the rest of the world though.

I feel like giving up on men - I'm only 23 but I'm so fed up of being messed about.

One serious thing you need to think about: it's been proven that women who've been abused once are more likely to subsequently end up with abusive men. The reason is they give off a slightly hostile vibe, decent men pick up on this and back off, the bad ones don't notice or don't care and continue to pursue, so the women are unconsciously selecting arseholes to interact with. I'm not sure how you fight this, but hopefully just being aware of it will help.

Bananayellow · 03/01/2015 23:44

People will only treat you how you let them. I may have met knobs in the past but they'd soon be out of my life or probably wouldn't have been let in, in the first place.
If you want a nice man then don't accept being treated in any other way but nice. Respect and like yourself enough to get rid of anything else.

Having said that I've seen plenty of men being treated horribly by women because they are "too nice".
Do you find bad boys attractive and then get frustrated when the very thing that attracted you in the first place, bites you in the bum?
Look at your role models and examine why they are as they are. Analyse your relationships with each other. Which negative patterns do you take into your own relationships? What qualities do you want in a partner and which qualities and behaviours are deal breakers?

Above all remember you are worthy of a good man and don't accept bad treatment. It's better to be on your own rather than accept crap.
My motto was always - I don't need a relationship, but it is nice to have one if it enhances my life

BobbyBingoooo · 03/01/2015 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen · 03/01/2015 23:47

I think most people are generally fine, but there is a problem with how men are socialized to not see women as people on the same level as men. Most grow up and out of it but some don't and end up as the lazy, inconsiderate partners that we often hear about here.

morethanpotatoprints · 03/01/2015 23:49

No they aren't at all. I have a lovely dh who i love with all my heart and I know he'd say the same. He is decent, caring, loving, exciting, and rocks my world even after 26 years.

I know there are some real shits, cocklodgers, abusers, cheaters and shit heads out there and consider myself lucky.

I have nothing but sympathy for those who have had the above x

RandomNPC · 03/01/2015 23:52

I've just asked my GF ( who I met through POF) if I was a knob. She said no.

RandomNPC · 03/01/2015 23:53

I am a bit, though.

Theoretician · 03/01/2015 23:56

To put it another way: if you think all men are crap, you're likely to end up with one who proves you right, not just because you were willing to settle for him on the basis that you couldn't expect better, but because the nice one who was going to talk to you didn't, because you didn't seem like you wanted to be talked to.

CallMeExhausted · 04/01/2015 00:04

For what it is worth, I think every partner has knob potential, but painting an entire sex with the same brush is hardly the way to deal with it...

jollydad · 04/01/2015 00:18

A lot of people won't want to settle down at your age, so maybe your restricting yo u r pool of potential partners too much. Are you meeting people who don't want to settle down who aren't knobs? If you are maybe you could go out with them for a while and see where it leads?
I realise I'm stereotyping my gender a lot, but a lot of blokes at that age will run a mile from a girl who from the off is "I want to settle down".

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 04/01/2015 00:28

I don't think I know any horrible men. Well, not any more, anyway Grin. I've had a couple of ex-bosses who were dickheads to work for, but as people they were probably fine.

Personally, all the men in my life (DH, DF, FIL, DBs, friends) have been there for a very long time - 20 years plus, all of them - and they're still lovely!

sugar21 · 04/01/2015 00:29

I think if you are 23 OP there's still time. I was married at that age to a Class A prize winning big headed arse hole of a super knob. Take your time and you'll find a lovely guy I'm sure

30somethingm · 04/01/2015 00:53

Is it nob or knob? I know what it is when referring to dials and door handles, but I'm unsure which is correct when referring to nobs/knobs or nobbish/knobbish behaviour?

impatienceisavirtue · 04/01/2015 01:06

I had completely and utterly given up on men and written myself off as incapable of being in a healthy relationship ever.

On a night out just after I came to this realisation, I met my now DH, who made it all worth it. He is pretty much perfect. Totally with the wait. It does happen OP.

GatoradeMeBitch · 04/01/2015 01:17

At least you recognize that they are knobs OP. Some women would just think they were normal.

No-one should criticize you for having these feelings - it's not as if it's your fault that the men closest to you are horrible people! And online dating is a cesspit, the typical male user on any online dating site is likely to have Jay from the Inbetweeners as his own personal role model.

Stop searching, get busy with work and whatever else you do, and sooner or later you'll meet someone you click with. Not a knob!

MQv2 · 04/01/2015 01:54

"stereotypes become so as they are based in truth"

Utter horseshit
Are you now going to go hell for leather and defend black people are lazy, Jewish people covet money and Irish people are drinks stereotypes too?
I mean they're stereotypes for a reason after all according to you

PhaedraIsMyName · 04/01/2015 02:31

My husband and son are much nicer than me. I'm judgemental and snobbish neither of which I have passed on to my son.

PhaedraIsMyName · 04/01/2015 02:32

My little brother is much nicer than me too.

GraysAnalogy · 04/01/2015 03:01

YABU

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 04/01/2015 09:11

So, can I ask the people on this thread who think men, generally, are horrible - do you have sons?

If so, what steps are you taking to prevent against them becoming horrible men?

Wormatthebottomofthegarden · 04/01/2015 09:18

Yabu, my DH is lovely. And actually thinking of my friends their DH's are nice too.