Are most men horrible?

[hopingforamiracle]

I don't know of anyone around me that is in a happy relationship. My father is a knob and my stepfather is also a knob and my brother is also a knob.

How can I meet a decent guy that isn't a knob and not already taken? I feel like giving up on men - I'm only 23 but I'm so fed up of being messed about. I am ready to settle down but finding someone that wants that and is a nice person is hard :( I've tried online dating for years and no luck.

[BallsforEarings]

I don't find men to be horrible, they are just people like us! We can behave horribly and they can behave horribly but most of us are not horrible and nor are they!

Some people in all walks of life a going to be horrible at times but it's usually due to personal issues we cannot see on the surface, therefore I always believe a behaviour can be horrible but not many people are truly horrible at their core, they are usually suffering in some way and project that pain onto others rather than deal with the issue! It's a coping mechanism for some.

I do believe people can learn new coping mechanisms if they want to enough! Therefore it is the behaviour that is horrible not the overall person.

[nikki1978]

The majority of men I know are lovely (same as the women I know). Maybe your growing up experience of men has attracted you to similar people?

[Marylou62]

I had a friend who was a man hater...she'd go on and on about how awful men were...Maybe I've been very lucky but I could never join her in man hating...I have many men in my life and whilst many are not perfect (apart from my D Grandfather) they are normal, lovely men...4 DB, a great Dad, many uncles, and male relations....I have been lucky I know as my friend was an only child in a DV environment with her Mums many BFs...some who abused her...I tended to go silent when she ranted about men....funnily enough (not really funny but YKWIM) I married a normal lovely hard working man (not perfect, who is) whilst she had 2 girls with a very controlling hateful man....History?
I remember a friend with 4 lovely boys (now grown men) telling me it was our job to raise our boys to be lovely men/husbands...and I have really tried with my 2 boys...and from the comments from their GFs families we must have done something right!!!
OP I am sorry that you feel this way but to answer your AIBU...No, not all men are horrible...and if you ever do have boys, try to raise them to be good men...

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

I think that if this is your experience then you should look at yourself - your choices, your expectations, etc. That is not blaming you, but if three of your main male role models are crap, then it may be that you are seeking out that same crapness unconsciously - because it's what you know. If you have had bad relationships modelled to you growing up then it may be that's what you think relationships are like.

Forget about meeting men. Just put that to one side for now. Focus on yourself.

Start a hobby, do a course, find things that interest you and have fun with them. Make new friends, do new things. Get to know men just as people. There are as many decent men out there as there are decent women.

You are only 23 years old. You have YEARS ahead of you to think about partners and settling down. For right now focus on yourself, growing, changing, learning. When you are the best version of you it is possible to be, then you will be in the best place to start looking at what you want in a relationship and to look at the examples you have been given of relationships and look at why they weren't great.